Has it really only been a year since Adele swept the 2012 Grammys? Well, she didn’t win Best New Artist, of course, because she wasn’t eligible for that one. That particular trophy was awarded to “new artist” Justin Vernon, aka Bon Iver, whose debut album, For Emma Forever Ago, came out the same year as Adele’s debut album, 19: in 2008! Ah, ragging on the 2012 Grammys — how we’ll miss thee! But no longer. Because tonight — and for the next year — we’ll be ragging on the 2013 Grammys! And that’s why we’re here, people, at this impromptu Comment Party, to which you are very much invited.
Who will be this year’s Adele? Well, you’ll hear the names Black Keys, Frank Ocean, fun., Gotye, and of course ol’ man Mumford and his boys, called out a bunch of times. Some that have already won (but won’t be televised) include: Gotye for Best Alternative Album, beating out our best album of 2012 (Fiona Apple’s The Idler Wheel …); Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for Best Score Soundtrack; Björk for Best Recording Package; Jay-Z and Kanye West for Best Rap Performance and Best Rap Song; Drake for Best Rap Album; Black Keys for Best Rock Album and Best Rock Song; and Miguel for Best R&B Song. (Um … so what exactly will be televised?)
So, without further ado … let’s party! Before we begin, though, some dress code notes, courtesy of CBS. Ahem:
CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.
Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.
I repeat: “Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure.” We straight? Cool. So let’s do this! Team Stereogum will see you in the comments, drinks in hand, properly attired. As always.
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I AM SO READY
Pretty sure Rihanna and Katy Perry have already violated CBS’s dress code.
“Real bitches do real things.”
“I’m not a feminist but…” -Rihanna and Katy Perry
Taylor Swift or a segment from Kids Incorporated?
Is this the circus from Hell with T-Swizzle as the ring master?
Anyone got a Rick Moody animated .gif
They gave out so many big awards before the show. Even they know we don’t care about who wins.
Cirque Du Soleil theme for Taylor Swift? Where’s the wolverine with a boner on a unicycle?
I think I might be winning a Grammy tonight, by the way — So far, they’ve been handing those things out to anyone who is slightly white and male.
I’ll allow it as long as Chris Brown doesn’t win anything
I wouldn’t call him a man so I wouldn’t worry about that.
More of a child in a man’s body.
so michael_
And CBS’s blatant self-promotion begins with another one if their TV stars hosting again this year?
Question mark typo aside LL Cool J is not an ideal host.
And Fiona didn’t win? Like honestly?
I’m just waiting to see what Chipotle has in store for us this year.
Did somebody say humanely slaughtered beef marketed by Willie Nelson?
I’m just glad no one eats opossum. Willie Nelson is awesome.
Any thoughts on Patrick Carney?
Panic! @ The Swift(o)
Newbie here – do I need to constantly refresh this comment party?
Yes…:(
autoupdate would be a really great thing to get if it’s possible
I think LL Cool J’s rant is sending some serious side eye at the Justin Vernon and Ed Drostes of the world…
I had it on mute. What did he say?
He basically went on and on about how the Grammy is more than “just an award” and it means “something.” *queue laughter*
Lil’ B should perform
I really wished he would have one that contest. I mean, Ellen Degeneres is even in the audience!
A Friend told me Lil’ B just randomly combs through the people who follow him on Twitter every once in a while, so now I keep on unfollowing and re-following. I wonder if it’ll actually work.
Damn, that song about the girl who smokes too much crack is so pretty… and terrible….
PRETTY TERRIBLE!!! god why didnt i just get that the first time?!
Because it’s Ed Sheeran, and Ed Sheeran is like what would happen if Ryan Adams and James Blunt fell into a sewer and got mutated to form a new species.
That’s like a creepily apt description…haha
hey shut up, mate
yes! james will you stay on and comment i want your embittered-est thoughts
I wish this thing was broadcast live here (and it wasn’t the middle of the night) so I could try make little jokes in this comment party. Have fun guys.
I usually only watch things like this for that sweet side boob action anyway.
Glad Ron Weasley has a career post-Harry Potter
So far two performances (although neither was bad) and one really long random monologue. And still no awards
They only give out like 2 or 4. They do the rest at a press conference beforehand.
Has that Fun song only been around for a year? It feels like WAY longer.
I remember seeing fun. when they were the Format, and honestly, I’ll cut a b-tch who says “The First Single” isn’t perfect power-pop.
the first single was love
Ok who wins this? I say crj
First award announced at 8:20 p.m. EST.
which one?
Damn Adele STILL owning the Grammys!
All while looking like my mom’s living room!
At least Adele kept it short
We should all agree to blame Tom if Mumford wins best album. And we should be really irrational about it.
OMG LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TOM!!!
Well, this explains the rain boots…
And the rubber shirt.
awww its raining on all the fun. !
Wait what about Bob Marley?!?!?
i <3 sofia vergara
but i HATE diet pepsi
I would love to actually hate-watch the grammys, but I’m going to a Pallbearer/Enslaved concert soon and youtube exists so I should be able to see all the highlights later, right?
This is as good a place as any to note that the Hard Rock/Metal category was filled with artists who peaked three decades ago (Iron Maiden, Anthrax) and won by an act I’ve never heard of (Halestorm?). Also: please buy me the blue Pallbearer shirt, size L. Thanks!
Halestorm is dreadful and utterly wretched, so of course they won. I’d argue that Maiden is better in 2013 than they’ve ever been, but I know lots of folks will disagree with me. I’m wondering when Enslaved or Pallbearer get their nominations!
Update: Pallbearer was awesome, Enslaved were really good (though a bit too proggy for my tastes), but Royal Thunder was probably the best band of the night. Damn, people from the South are good at music.
Also: sorry Michael, only saw your post after I got back, so no shirt for you. But the shirt designs are all pretty cool.
oh HELL YES slow jam honda presidents
sometimes i wonder what it would be like to ever watch cbs for anything other than football or the grammys,….
I think these Grammys are a microcosm of television on CBS, popular yet extremely boring.
“Call Me Maybe” should win every single award.
is it just me, or are these country artists not very good singers?
I don’t think they sound that bad, but then again, I’m comparing them to whoever the hell that was in that Pepsi commercial earlier.
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Stop wasting electricity.
Leave him alone, he’s just listening to half of Zaireeka…
Tom must be loving this — His girl, Miranda. His boys, Mumford (w/ Sons.) Just need a Skrillex appearance, and he’ll be all set for the night.
Skrillex DID win a couple
Is this what a lobotomy feels like?
I think Miranda Lambert stole Barbie’s microphone. And her nail polish.
oh snap miguel
I’m (probably) not going to do this all night but: second award announced at 8:43 p.m. EST.
I did not expect a performance from Miguel, NOR did I expect him to present…. country solo performance?
Yay! Country! Too bad I live north of Tennessee and thus couldn’t care less.
I’d like for Carrie Underwood to blow me away amirite?
WHENS FRANK?
That Carrie Underwood song is NOT a country song.
Not even one mention of Frank Ocean yet
Saving it for the end, just like they saved Arcade Fire since they know the indie-laced viewers who would not otherwise tune in will keep asking “Not even one mention of Frank Ocean yet” all the way up until 10:30pm when all their old viewers have gone to bed.
A rapper and an R&B singers sending a award for the whitest music around?
*presenting. Good lord, auto correct.
Think we can hold out for a surprise Fall Out Boy performance??
That one token African-American just made a lot of white people feel uncomfortable.
Johnny Depp to introduce the Mumford & Dump — Sh-t, first Tom, and now Edward Scissorhands is going to try to convince me they’re relevant?
The Huffington Post is going to have some great sideboob material tonight.
A COP
ON THE EDGE
CBS
Third award: 8:51 p.m. EST. Song of the Year. Carly Rae WUZ ROBBED.
ROBBED
I have a bad feeling Carly Jae is going home empty handed and that would be a complete travesty
A steaming pile of corporate crap. It’s hard to watch, even without sound. There’s usually about one decent act to make you foolish enough to watch it.
nah there’s nothing this year. One Direction wasn’t even nominated
So Halestorm wins Hard Rock/Metal. They are horrible. No love for Iron Maiden, Megadeth or Anthrax, all of whom have actually contributed something to the genre. Drake wins for Rap. He’s a joke, a pop star, absolutely no connection with real hip-hop. Gotye for Alternative. Seriously? Hey, I like that one song too, it’s great, but there is nothing “alternative” about the guy! Skrillex for techno/electronica. Wow. I mean, just wow.
So yea, the Grammy’s are a waste. At least Frank Ocean will win some awards…
You were expecting the bands that you like to win? Do you need me to fill you in about what the Grammys are?
Carly Rae is getting straight up robbed right now. FUN.?! No fun at all.
WHOA LENA DUNHAM IS DATING THE LEAD SINGER OF FUN. ???!!!!
A MILLION DOWNVOTES LENA DUNHAM!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah the guitarist. Cool down, Broydrick!
54,000 downvotes
“We’ve been doing this for twelve years” and somehow they’re nominated for best best new artist.
I saw them open for Piebald (when they were the Format) like a decade ago.
Tom just threw some panties onstage.
mumford sound tired of playing this song.
I was thinking the same thing.
Say what you will about Mumford & Sons, but they have the ability to play instruments.
They do know how to sing and stand at the same time, I will give them that.
OMG you know what, Mumford & Sons are pretty awesome….haha jk, they still blow.
I almost mistook Mumford and Sons for dubstep there for a second. I get it now, Tom.
The only way to stop a bad guy with Chris Brown is a good guy with Chris Brown.
I took a shit during Mumford, which I felt was proper use of time.
Never a bad time to reread this. http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/13906-sigh-no-more/
Man I think I can definitely say Pitchfork write the worst music reviews I have ever read. Most of the negative reviews stray soooooo far away from the musical content of an album. They really try to disguise so much shit as context and I understand why some of these things would make you hold things against certain artists, but it’s so ridiculous to include in an album review. Music reviews are so subjective, but I can accept any review I don’t agree that only focuses on music, but half the time it’s hard to tell even they even ever listened to the album or if the just combined knowledge gathered from internet/music business hype, wikipedia, and band names and appearances.
I don’t like their reviews either, but I think they stay away from the musical content because this is 2013 and the album is almost definitely streaming somewhere on the internet. If you want to know what it sounds like you can just go and listen to it.
But we call it an album review instead some catchy article title like “These are the non-musical reasons I think a band’s like so not cool”
Nobody does it better than good old Mr. Agreeable: http://thequietus.com/articles/10744-mumford-sons-babel-review-mr-agreeable
Jeez Ellen, it’s Justin Timberlake not the Beatles.
I am taking back what I said about “Little Pusher Love Girl” last week. This is amazing.
Bruno Mars wasn’t available to perform this year so they had Justin Timberlake make a new album.
I know yr joking but Bruno Mars is actually part of the night’s most hyped performance.
So its okay when Justin does it, but not Bruno?
Looks like the Grammys decided to Instagram Justin Timberlake’s performance.
Frank just won the parking lot fight.
Nice to see someone beating Chris Brown.
Line of the night so far
Not Chris Brown won, Hurray!
Fourth award (unless I missed one): 9:13 p.m. EST. Frank O!
It’s weird to think that now Tyler the Creator is riding off Frank Ocean’s coattails and not the other way around. Big change from two years ago.
Chris Brown didn’t even stand up to applaud.
Oh, it’s already time for the Adele Awards?
Tyler the creator is starting to annoy anyone else?
I would kind of think it’s weird for him to start annoying people at this point. Seems like if people were to be annoyed by him they would have been annoyed by now.
Interesting to be down voted for this, it was a pretty plain thing to say. The guy is obnoxious and has been for a while there is an initial grace period to be unsure whether you like his music enough to not be annoyed by him but hes been here a while and if seems weird for one to be finally getting to that decision.
Downvotes are the brussel sprouts of the internet. Eat ‘em up and don’t complain or there’s no dessert for you mister.
Bitch I love brussel sprouts
These two comments win the comment party.
so this may be kind of divisive, but do you guys still like the black keys? i really didnt like el camino, and i think they’ve kind of gotten sucky…. real talk
It’s kind of hard answering that question while Maroon 5 is performing
Two in a row for Stereogum approved artists/bands
Who else would you rather be the big mainstream rock band?
Torche
I don’t think their music has gotten significantly worse. I think it’s more likely that you a)feel over-saturated by their sound, b) grown a distaste for the members themselves after being exposed to how they come off in interviews and in other ways in the media, or c) the ever-popular they are much more popular now and I am a stereogum commenter so therefore I should think they are worse. They definitely have a slightly different sound then some of their earlier songs, but lonely boy isn;t a far cry at all from strange times and so on and so on.
My answer to that is the cliched: I like their older stuff a lot more than their newer stuff.
I was a HUGE Black Keys fan until Attack & Release, at which point I thought they abandoned a lot of their “bluesiness” in favour of a way more poppier sound.
I don’t think he’s really a huge change though. The earlier stuff was more raw, but really only slightly to me and yes the changes they made made their songs more possible to be commercially successful, but making their songs more focused and distinguishable from each other didn’t really give me the sell-out vibe. Thickfreakness and other early stuff is super fun, but I rather them have made the albums they’ve made since then then them have made 5 more Thickfreaknesses(hard to pluralize) which really seemed like a possible to me when I was getting into them. This stuff’s fun but I could see them always sounding the same and thankfully they havent even if some of the new stuff has lost the heaviness in turn from some more diversity.
Feels like they have dumbed down their sound and upped the “pop” factor to achieve lowest common denominator acceptance. Selling out is what some people call it.
I don’t think anyone here has a problem with the Black Keys beating Mumford and Sons.
Mehroon 5
Flo deserves this
And Lena Dunham is here?
Dating Fun’s guitarist
Wait, who’s playing her on Girls tonight, then?!
I was a big The Format fan so I’m secretly excited for fun…….
I’m just pretending they’re winning all this for their first album, which I really enjoy.
I think the Grammys want me to talk about them on social media.
I would stick it in #CarrieUnderwood
hey james if you ran into her in public and she asked if you thought she was pretty, what would you say?
I’m not biting on that WEAK ass bait
hey james since you won’t answer do you think it’s fair for me to say you have no bravery?
sac, mate, I’ll kill you
LL Cool J has a Tourettic obsession with the word hashtag.
also, the celtics won in triple overtime!
And ND in 5OT
That Rihanna thing wasn’t bad.
Next to Miguel she’s probably sounded the best or at least the least worst
“No Church in the Wild” is such a fantastic song, much deserved win.
I do very much enjoy seeing frank ocean on this stage
Dude’s singing OFF-KEY. Can’t he hear the accompaniment???
Chris Brown being a complete Chris Brown during Frank Ocean’s win. http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/watch-chris-brown-be-the-absolute-worst-person-at-the-grammy
pffffft
What a sore loser/jerk/homophobe
let it never be said that kelly clarkson can’t sing
Lady’s got some PIPES
She’s fantastic. That was outstanding.
Y’all have heard the updated collab of her singing on “Foolish Games” with Jewel for Jewel’s new Great Hits album, right?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guynNATA6m0
I was confused for a bit when I heard the Black Keys and it wasn’t in a commercial.
Bruno Mars ripping off someone else’s sound in 3…2…1…
The Grammys is doing a fine job of reminding me why I would never watch CBS on any other occasion except this one.
whoissting.tumblr.com
Sting can still do Sting things, gotta give him that. Is it too much to ask for a Stewart and Andy cameo?
I’m new to the gif game so I tried just googling sting gif and this is the best I coould find on the first page that came up
I dug a little deeper on some other site and I think I prefer this one.
They seriously just zoomed in on Chris Brown when Rihanna started singing?
That was a commercial for Oraquick — the first ever 20 minute home HIV test kit.