Will you watch? Sunday night is football night in America, says Al. But also it marks the Silver Anniversary of MTV’s Video Music Awards, and despite last year’s masterful display of waning cultural relevance, there may be reasons still to tune in that don’t relate strictly to masochism and/or self-hatred. Like, there’s Kanye’s show-closing performance of the new single “Love Lockdown.” (You are entitled to think he’s forgiven MTV for hating black people, although I suggest you think he understands the promotional opportunity this affords his new single, which just happens to be going on sale the next day.)
There will also be a Britney Spears opening segment! I was wrong yesterday, though: She will not be performing, just doing something “fun and unexpected.” This diminishes the show’s imminent train wreckability. I’m not sure if that makes it more or less watchable. Other stuff that’ll make it more (or, less) watchable includes Kid Rock and Lil Wayne together at last, Katy Perry covering “Like A Virgin,” and performances from Rihanna, T.I. (Feat. Rihanna), T-Pain, Lupe, Paramore, the Ting Tings, the Jonas Bros. You can be sure Russell Brand will be sexually inappropriate and pretty British as host, if that’s your spot of tea. And if the awards themselves are more your thing, sorry: the bands you like already won what they’re going to win. But in case you will/are forced to watch anyway, here’s a scorecard so you can play along at home, followed by a drinking game suggestion to make the time go by, and a very special message from Lou Reed:
Video Of The Year
- Chris Brown – “Forever”
- Jonas Brothers – “Burnin’ Up”
- Pussycat Dolls – “When I Grow Up”
- Britney Spears – “Piece of Me”
- The Ting Tings – “Shut Up and Let Me Go”
Best Male Video
- Chris Brown – “With You”
- Flo Rida (Feat. T-Pain) – “Low”
- Lil Wayne (Feat. Static Major) – “Lollipop”
- T.I. – “No Matter What”
- Usher (Feat. Young Jeezy) – “Love in This Club”
Best Female Video
- Mariah Carey – “Touch My Body”
- Katy Perry – “I Kissed a Girl”
- Rihanna – “Take a Bow”
- Jordin Sparks (Feat. Chris Brown) – “No Air”
- Britney Spears – “Piece of Me”
Best New Artist
- Miley Cyrus – “7 Things”
- Katy Perry – “I Kissed a Girl”
- Jordin Sparks (Feat. Chris Brown) – “No Air”
- Taylor Swift – “Teardrops on My Guitar”
- Tokio Hotel – “Ready, Set, Go!”
Best Pop Video
- Danity Kane – “Damaged”
- Jonas Brothers – “Burnin’ Up”
- Panic at the Disco – “Nine in the Afternoon”
- Britney Spears – “Piece of Me”
- Tokio Hotel – “Ready, Set, Go!”
Best Rock Video
- Fall Out Boy (Feat. John Mayer) – “Beat It”
- Foo Fighters – “The Pretender”
- Linkin Park – “Shadow of the Day”
- Paramore – “Crushcrushcrush”
- Slipknot – “Psychosocial”
Best Hip-Hop Video
- Mary J. Blige – “Just Fine”
- Lupe Fiasco (Feat. Matthew Santos) – “Superstar”
- Flo Rida (Feat. T-Pain) – “Low”
- Lil Wayne (Feat. Static Major) – “Lollipop”
- Kanye West (Feat. Chris Martin) – “Homecoming”
Best Dancing In A Video
- Chris Brown – “Forever”
- Danity Kane – “Damaged”
- Madonna (Feat. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland) – “4 Minutes”
- Ne-Yo – “Closer”
- Pussycat Dolls – “When I Grow Up”
Best Direction In A Video
- Erykah Badu – “Honey” (Directors: Erykah Badu and Mr. Roboto)
- Linkin Park – “Shadow of the Day” (Director: Joe Hahn)
- Panic at the Disco – “Nine in the Afternoon” (Director: Shane Drake)
- Pussycat Dolls – “When I Grow Up” (Director: Joseph Kahn)
- Rihanna – “Take a Bow” (Director: Anthony Mandler)
Best Choreography In A Video
- Adele – “Chasing Pavements” (Choreographer: Marguerite Derricks)
- Chris Brown – “Forever” (Choreographers: Tone & Rich)
- Chris Brown (Feat. T-Pain) – “Kiss Kiss” (Choreographer: Flii Stylz)
- Gnarls Barkley – “Run” (Choreographer: Michael Rooney)
- Pussycat Dolls – “When I Grow Up” (Choreographers: Robin Antin and Mikey Minden)
- Coldplay – “Violet Hill”
- Duffy – “Warwick Avenue”
- Estelle (featuring Kanye West) – “American Boy”
- Leona Lewis – “Bleeding Love”
- The Ting Tings – “Shut Up and Let Me Go”
Best UK Video
As promised, here’s Lou introducing a lot of bands that will not be at this year’s very special VMAs telecast.
Oh, drinking game suggestion: Every time anything happens, take a drink.
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I wonder who will win the “Triple Threat” award this year. My money is on Bin Laden.
my guess is that george w. bush is going to suspend the VMAs due to the threat of terrorism. or maybe just because they suck. either way.
i thought people didnt watch music videos anymore
they can’t- mtv doesn’t play them.
its funny how the UK video of the year wins all the otehr categories combined. lols.
Last year, the VMAs were being shown at the same time as my friend’s surprise birthday party (not that anyone who was there was planning on watching them anyway). But we were all getting ready to hide because she was almost home, then someone ran into the living room and yelled “Britney’s about to start!” and turned the TV on. Everyone in the room was completely silent and we all just stared for a second after it was over. Then someone went “Was that real?” I’m glad that’s not happening again this time.
I hate Katy Perry.
does this not belong on videogum?
Russell Brand is pretty awesome. I at least wanna see what that crazy fucker does with the VMAs.
At 10 pm on Sunday my DVR is going to explode. I got the VMAs, the season premier of Entourage, the series premier of Feasting on Waves and a regular old episode of Mad Men. Decisions Decisions
can’t wait to see russell brand go completely over everybody’s head.
not ONE video or song worth a damn here.
Let me get this straight. Stereogum is congratulating VH-1 and the VMA awards?
I’ll be busy watching “True Blood” and “Entourage” but will likely catch all the most horrifying moments on one of the endless MTV reruns, not to mention (but you can see I am about to) reading all about it the next day of “Best WeekEver.TV” and…this blog here…and Videogum of course.
http://www.worleygig.com
The last VMAs I actually watched were back in 95. Even in my early teens, it was still obvious to me that the VMAs were nothing more than a platform for the major record labels and movie studios to advertise their products. I’m going to assume that their MO is no different today.
I remember watching one of those fake “award ceremonies” around 2000 on network TV. It was the “Teen Choice” awards or something like that. Anyway, at one point they had the audience vote on the “Hottest Movie” or some shit, and one of the choices was a movie that wasn’t even out yet. And it won.
“spot of tea”
You are so American.
Hey Stereogum, did Bob Pittman put you up to this?
Remember when we liked artists based on the sound of the voices as opposed to their physical appearance, and the ability to roll around in ocean waves and do jumping jacks.