Sure, you heard about the farting midget that shows up in the later chapters of R. Kelly’s epic “Trapped in the Closet”, but those news stories ignored the real twist: someone (finally!) gets their entire ass shot. Save yourself the $15 and find out who by reading SomethingIsAwful’s Cliff’s Notes for chapters 6-12. It includes a handy sex map and a glossary:
Skank: A dance usually associated with ska music, characterized by leaning forward, extending the arms, and raising the knees.
Narrow ass: A poorly-rounded posterior.
Snurs her nose: A derisive nose-gesture of some kind.
Old crusty wig-wearing ass ho: An elderly woman with eczema who wears a wig and sells her body for money.
See chapters 1-5 here. Cliff’s Notes on Chapters 1-5 are here.
(priceless image from adambielawski.com)
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I gots mees a 12 year old girl trapped in da clobest she be lookin so fine so i dun end peed alls ova her peez buys da album i be keepsin it real no be hatins one me.
i’m also wearing her clothes, that 12-year-old in the closet, i am
All creepy 12-year-old-girl jokes aside, I am strangely addicted to this R.Kelly teledrama. Or whatever it may be called.
I have seen chapters 1-8, and finally got to read 9-12 (thanks to ya’ll!!!)
P.S. Not that all the other characters are exactly role model material, but why’s it that the only white character is a trailor trash, fat ass with a rediculous accent. Hmm, something to ponder about.
I’m pretty sure that’s not what “skank” means in an R. Kelly song.
Is that first post supposed to be R Kelly or Eddie Murphy’s Buckwheat? I hate pre-teen watersports as much as the next grown woman but really …
Sure, he’s a cretin. But it is campy fun. Completely listenable; almost, err, good. Til you get to the farting midget.
the well-hung farting midget who shits himself, actually. where does R Kelly get his beautiful ideas?
“I’m pretty sure that’s not what “skank” means in an R. Kelly song.”
Humor is hard.
R Kelly might want to rethink his choice of clothes when he goes to prision. They don’t like child molesters there. The golden showers are going to be on him and he will know what a 12 year old girl feels like getting screwed in the dumper.
Humor is hard, but not as hard as R. Pedo in an elementaty school. No be hatins on da Pedo he be keepin it reel.
Humor is hard, but not as hard as R. Pedo in a junior high school. No be hatins on da Pedo he be keepin it reel. Time for him to meet Jeffrey Dahmer in hell though.
i like the videos n lyrics i think they r so damn kool keep it up it gives me something to do n something to listing too
this is the song that never ends….it just keeps going on and on my friends…some pervert start writing it, not knowing what it was, it would die if the media wouldn’t have created this great bigbuzz…IT’s THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS….
The reason people love this crap is the same reason why lonely, hyper-obesed women love Oprah and soap opera.
WHEN WILL THIS BULLSH!T STOP!!!!!!!
DIE, KELLY, DIE YOU EVIL GENIUS YOU!!!!!
R you are such a genius. Get over your fear of flying and come to South Africa.
I Love trapped in the closet I like it because of the cliff hangers it leaves at the end of the song and then your like what the hell kappened
I Love trapped in the closet I like it because of the cliff hangers it leaves at the end of the song and then your like what the hell kappened
your a malester just like I thought.Dont try to copy off that movie evesbayou and say she tried to do something to you first.I know you by now.You is file.I smell your dirty ass from over here in detroit.But rosey the nosy neighbor was a good lady.All she did was came to check on yall.And she was about to get somebody with that spatchula.And Im 12 years old ass hole!!!!!!!!!!!
i have ur u music and i think that u r a wonderful person. that u come up with some wonderful music and also music i like . i really like that slow jam music the one u can make real love off of.
I am growing increasingly more perplexed with the comments posted lately. If these posts are sarcastic, you have done a damn fine job, my friends – I cannot discern this humor from genuine delusion. I, for one, think the videos are hilarious. R. Kelly seems to think this is a musical masterpiece. But how could anyone argue that with lines like “I [well-hung midget] think I just shitted myself!”
R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” is the saga we all love to hate… Damn you R. Kelly!
this masterpeice is the reason i live. The intense and deep content brings tears to my eyes. When twan was shot i had no idea what to do, i began screaming, “TWAN NO NOT TWAN!” screaming and i couldnt stop. the genius prose and breathtaking literature inspired me to write my own “hip hopera”. It is about me and my friends dave, timothy, frederick and ashley walking around a mall. We are in desperate pursuit of the perfect tofu sandwhich. I really feel like i am R.Kelly except a white woman, and that is my goal in life.
when are you going to sohow 6-12 on television
Dear R Kelly,
Will you please give me your Trapped In The Closet 6 through the rest of them,please because my mother said “no bceause to much.” From what I saw 1-5 I really love it and I would like to have it for christmas but we don’t have any money, and the only thing I get for cristmas is a ps2 and Timberlands and 1 outfit, so can you please give me Trapped In The Closet 6 through the rest of them please??????????
Ka’Mesha La’Shay Mcguire
i want to see 1-12 about r.kelly please lord
That Jank is the best song I have EVER heard i love it Rkelly u r the greatest i love all ur music ur the best
Hey don’t listen to da haters. just do ur thing! we all luv ya in Burlington. Yall need to stop tripin’ cause R-kelly be Rockin’ this song. Fo Real!! Who eva be da lil girl talkin’ about he be messin’ wit lil kids you need to kill yourself not once but twice. he just doin’ his mother fuckin’ job so get da fuck over it AssHole!!
Hey, it isnt proven that he is a criminal, but i watch trapped in the closet 1-12 every day waiting for the next chapters! August 21, I will be there!
I’m 41 now. In my day, Spinal Tap was brilliant and alot of 40, 50 somethings didn’t get the joke. It went over their heads. Well, is this Trapped in the Closet “masterpiece” just the latest prank that pop culture is pulling on me. The IFC Channel is treating the video series of this like it’s the next Godfather or Malcolm X. I’m on “the outside” of a very inside joke,right?