CMJ tracked down the tracklist for the upcoming Morrissey CD Ringleader Of The Tormentors.
01. I Will See You In Far-Off Places
02. Dear God Please Help Me
03. You Have Killed Me
04. The Youngest Was The Most Loved
05. In The Future When All’s Well
06. The Father Who Must Be Killed
07. Life Is A Pigsty
08. I’ll Never Be Anybody’s Hero Now
09. On The Streets I Ran
10. To Me You Are A Work Of Art
11. I Just Want To See The Boy Happy
12. At Last I Am Born
Moz song titles are always amusing to peruse because they tend to be excessively lengthy and morbid.
Let’s hear your best fake Morrissey song titles in the comments.
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The Father Who Must Be Killed… i like it very much…
A Bore Just Crashed on Me Head
Death Waits For No Man, But Sometimes He Needs a Holiday
The End is a Fortnight Away, Anyway
I’ve Given You a Mysterious Rash, and I Won’t Apologize For It
The Death of Some Dude From Last Night’s Party
These pretzels are making me thirsty
The More You Mock Me, The Happier I Get
* Heaven Knows You’re Miserable Now Because You’re Not Popular Like Me
* We Hate It When Former Bandmates Become Assholes
* Even When I Die, No One Will Visit My Grave
* The More You Give Me Flowers, The More I Want To Choke You To Death (Guilty Pleasure Remix)
* Sing My Death So Dumb Fans Will Buy My Albums
* December Spawned the Grim Reaper
* Everyday is Like Doomsday (Double-decker Bus Crash Mix)
* How Soon Is A Smiths Reunion, Never! (Ima Jerk Version, Part X)
Mother’s Corpse Still Does All My Washing
Everyday Dead Kittens
I Would Inject Myself With Poison But Your Rejection Has Made My Heart Cold Thus Freezing all the Blood in my Veins and The Needle Keeps Breaking.
Looks like an album right there. These are my favorites, so it’s heavily weighted towards shit I came up with or ripped off from someone else’s idea:
Morrissey – We’re Only In It For The Shoes
1. Sweet And Tender Crumb Cake
2. Bernard, You’re A Lovely Accountant
3. I’m Not Sure I Like Your Face, Ramona
4. Newsreader In Peril
5. Someday The Proletariat Will Be Wearing Corduroy And Not Melancholic Expressions
6. I Wear Slacks on the Outside Because Slacks Are How I Feel on the Inside
7. We’re Waiting For Your Answer, Tony
8. Please, Please, Please, Let the Paxil Work
9. There Is A Bloke Who Turns Me On
10. Dear God, Please Help Me Find My Car Keys
11. Newsreader In Peril
12. Last Night I Dreamt I Was Drowning In Pudding
13. You are the Most Challenging Soduku of All
14. Some Of Them Are Quotes, Some Of Them Are Sayings
15. ‘Twas Nothing, D’Artagnon
Ah, shit. Pretend the second “Newsreader” is a live version or something.
Your pretty shiny sun has given me a melanoma
You could never hate me (as much as I hate me)
I lost my virginity and my hair gel (now I can die)
I’ll Never Love You Like A Fat Kid Loves Teacakes
*
Cherish Is A Word I Use To Bury You
*
Johnny Won’t Return My Faxes
My Life is Excessively Lengthy and Morbid (and No One Cares)
1. How Soon is Cow
2. Fudgepackers of the World Unite (and take over)
3. The Boy with a Bone in his Butt
4. Hand In Pants (gotta credit George on that from wayyy back)
5. William, it was really my Penis
6. That Poke Isn’t Funny Anymore
7. Girlfriend and My Boner (I know I know, it’s serious)
8. Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Bent Me Over
9. There is a Light That I usually Set on Vibrate
10. Meat is Damn Good (and i think you KNOW what I mean)
11. Is It Really So Small?
12. Girl Afraid…of the Scent under my Pants
13. Golden Shower (they’re saying your name)
14. Oscillate Wildly While I sit in the Corner and Touch Myself
15. These Things Take Time (because this condem is way too thick)
16. Rubber Ring (lol…nothing needed)
17. Stretch Out and Wait (and let it hit you on the back)
18. Peel Around My Fountain
19. Pretty Boys Make Good Lays
20. The Hand the Rocks My Cradle
21. The Head Ritual
22. Rush and a Push and You Can Call Me Jimmy
23. SuedeHead Really Wasn’t as Good As I Thought It Would Be
24. We Hate It When Our Friends Laugh At Our Weenie
25. Now My Butt is (so) Full
Okay , that got stupid!!!!
OK, these are slight variations of existing song titles, but they could be future songs:
1) Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get a Refund
2) Last Night I Dreamt that Someone Left a Deposit
3) Frankly, Mr. Chaney, F@#$ yourself
4) The Queen is not quite dead
5) My Meat is Murdered
6) The Charming man is Unusually Fey
7) Toe Bone Head
9) First of the Gang to Gangbang
10) I Started Eating Something I Could Not Finish – Now it is Cold
It’s Inconceivable To Think That I Like Jell-o.
If You Found Prozac Would You Mind Sharing With Me?
Clearly I Meant To Be Morbid.
I Loathe The Sound of Packing Peanuts.
A Feeling of General Discomfort is What I’ve Been Told To Expect.
Since I’ve Moved to LA I’ve Noticed the Sun.
You Bore Me To Death Now Go Fetch Me a Coke.
Dont get in the way of the hurrying pikey
The night of the terrible motor crash your arm wasn’t the only thing that was lost as I was flogged senseless by the absence
If the Nuge has “Intensities in Ten Cities,” can I have “Incontinence in Continents”
The Dumptruck of Your Indifference Has Crushed the Puppydog of My Heart
From in the pink I`ve gone under the weather
Tomorrow I`ll have sex at last and afterwards a steak
Where is L. Ron When I need him most?
My Asian Manicurist Thinks I’m Pretty
Visiting Relatives Can Be a Chore ((you know, that funny double entendre stuff that he does))
Living is a full-time job for me
From the recent Van Sant soundtrack:
Girlfriend in Tacoma
I just want to see the boy naked
Here are some:
I’d Have Fallen For You (If You Hadn’t Tripped Me First)
Even My Imaginary Friend Loathes Me
I Can’t Sing For A Toffee While You Laugh Your Little Socks Off
Keane Will Not Keep Me Off The Number One Spot This Time (Ooooooh The Little Devils…)
Why Do Only Ugly Birds Fancy Me?
This Night Has Opened My Arse
I Was Waiting For The Bus But Its Arrival Just Quite Simply And Plainly Never Occured (Obviously)
Sweet And Tender Closet Case
Some Hurls Are Bigger Than Others (Vomit Version)
Life Is A Pigsty, because it’s true.
There’s a Career That Never Goes Out
The Grime-Imbued Rain Comes Betwixt Myself and the One Who Hates Me More
The World Needs Another Viking Invasion
Keep asking, but you know I’ll never tell
Stranded with sin on my skin
A Desperate Man in Limbo
Teeto shouldn’t play with knives
They raised the bar far too high
If you don’t mind, I’d just as well prefer to die
I’d be alone now, but there’s a frog in my throat
your really amazing…well a little bit
loving satan hateful jesus
The kamakaze survivor
unforgiving father
The PE teachers playground
the girl who knew to much about her mother
is this it?
desperate househusband
we are a crippled boxerdog
timothy wasnt a christian
its never over till its over
There Is A Lite Beer That Never Stays Down
My Despair Runs Deeper Than Michael Barrymore’s Fist
“I Hate You”
“Tell Me More Lies”
“A Pretty Girl Deserves A Kick to the Head and a Blow to the Side”
“Give Me Something”
“I Rather See You Dead Than In Someone Else’s Bed”
“I Will Kill You”
“Life is a Stinking Bore”
“Dear God Give Me A Boy”
“Little Boys Are So Yesterday”
The post-ROTT Moz release, Revolutionary War:
“You Always Stand in My Way”
“All the Dead in Vain”
“Still Alone But Never Alone”
“Haven’t I Done Enough to You”
“This Is a War”
“Stems of Many Flowers”
“No One Gets It”
“Young Police of the Mind”
“Frightening Pictures”
“Beatdown to a Downbeat”
… That last one is a better Stiff Little Fingers song or something, but I bet he could do something with it.
“Below the Catacombs I Wait For My Maker”
“Where is Roma Giddy Roma”
“No More Of The Hamburger Now It’s The Pasta”
“Gladiators Bring Me To My Knees”
“Police and Lawyers Still Bring Me To Tears”
“Where Art Thou My Fair Julia”
“Bands Re-Unite Unless You Are A Smith”
“Meat Is Murder, Yet The Leather Is Smooth On The Passenger Seat Where I Just Might Die With A Smile On My Face Afterall”
A friend of my sister’s has a petition, on which there are many more names than you would expect and added to which many more will undoubtedly follow, which she plans to hand to Morrissey. The proposition is that he writes a song called:
“Hardly Hannah”
Now wouldn’t that be marvellous?
BCnU…
- Half-Cocked in Hackney
- The Cyst Was Benign
- Unadulterated Child’s Piss
- I’m Having Trouble With Your Accent
I Haven’t Forgotten About Meat, It’s Still Murder
I feel like Chicken Tonight (and God knows I’m trying not to)
Sheffield Bores Me,Hoovering Chores Me.
Sheffield Bores Me,Hoovering Chores Me
Dominos Are The New Darts.
Pensioner Treats.
Cough Up or Shut Up.
Don’t Touch Me There(It Smarts Like Giddy-O).
I Will Have A Dog Called Colin.
Pimples.
There Was A Time I Wouldn’t Dare But I Would Now.
Where Is The Postman?
“I Will Not Recant on My Deathbed”
“The Petrified Fan-Boy”
“My Soul Will Never Last”
“Manchester and Los Angeles, O the Humanity”
“Reason Takes a Sabbatical”
“Floundering in Far Away Places”
“The Most Obscene Woman in the World”
“You Cannot Reach Me Now”
“I Discovered a Horrible Secret, Now My Life is Ruined”
“On a Grander Stage”
“Whiling Away the Hours and Days”
“I Nearly Felt Passionate About You”
“Scarlett, I Don’t Give a Damn”
“Airsick, Yet Still on the Tarmac”
“Someday You Will Be Loved, Ugly Man”
“Cousin on the Road Crew”
Rode hard, put up wet and ready to do it again.
Feelin’ like undercooked stir-fried shit.
1) Fumbling blindly in the loo
Untie my wrists, they’re getting bruised
2) Dear God you’d look better in a quiff
3) Death at one’s arsehole
4) On Santa Monica Pier, barely alive
5) Secrets of the manicurists
6) I asked for nothing
7) I got nothing
9) Now my colostomy bag is full
10) Style walks with a rattan cane
11) I am not a fallen idol if I am standing on you
Drop the paperwork
Bulimic Diana
Salford?s been buried alive
She lives in the tower of London
Mike dies
I thoguht the wheelbarrow was beautiful
Engliand?s railways
Linder, Linder and I ( walking in the park )
Love is the eighth capital sin
I went shopping for seven inches
Rainbow turned black and blue
Drop the paperwork
Bulimic Diana
Salford?s been buried alive
He lived in the tower of London
Mike dies
I thoguht the wheelbarrow was beautiful
England?s railways
Linder, Linder and I ( walking in the park )
Love is the eigth capital sin
I went shopping for seven inches
Rainbow turned black and blue
I Died the Night Before My Wedding
Charming Men And Handsome Devils Don’t Give A Toss About Me (Unloveable remix)
When Do I Get To Sing ‘My Way’?
“Lonely is as lonely does”
“I would have been truthful, if they’d only understood.”
“On the slippery slopes of my credibility rating
(Mary Jane, dear, take me away)”
“Pastor Dave is in the circle”
“Baby crying, television blaring”
“I am hitting on you in my mind”
“Louie from the beet fields’ little game”
“Electronic horror show (you’re not forgiven)”
So Drunk I Died ( And it Was an Improvement)
Save the Planet, Slit Your Wrists
Here are ten:
Deference is Dad’s Last Wish
Ignorance is a Luxury
The Devil was my Best Pupil
Perversity is a Profession
Car Crashing, Bystander Laughing
Dear, Sorry to Meet You
Let’s Exchange Unpleasantries
Incivility Pays my Salary
I Prefer to Be A Stranger
Helpful Hardship
I have a very willing husband, he eats anything
I think I’m gonna kill mysel today… Or not.
I think I’m gonna kill myself today… Or not.
I want to turn off the radio but I have no arms
If my mother could see me… then she wouldn’t be dead
1. It’s usually me.
2. Pearls and Graces.
3. The only one who ever saw me naked was my mother.
4. Fanatic Syphon.
5. Smokey Rides a Ginger Bus.
6. Please would you shut up.
7. I’ll see you on the cancer ward.
8. Rescue me from the barbaric and the beurocratic.
9. Sunny Day, Ill Fortune.
10. You Watched Me Through an Open Window.
11. Rejoice? for tomorrow we fail.
12. Kissed within an inch of my life.
Bonus Track.
I had to do P.E. in my underwear, it scarred me for life!.
Suicide is appealing, but I fear I’ll look vile dead
Suicide is appealing, but I’d look vile dead
Morbid, Yet Not Pale…L.A. Casualty
1. escape to nowhere
2. victory is a pack horse
3. please don’t bring up the baby
4. rotten roll
5. that’ll be the deity
6. the more that you dry me, the wetter i get
7. probably jane
8. oslo is never the answer
9. i’m sorry if you ever believed me
10. outlaw for an inlaw
11.cleverer than she ought to be
12.(as long as herself) is happy now
13. pete’s best
14. i guess i’m just a halfway house for your dreams.
“I Thought It Was Love; My Doctor Says Meningitis”
I’m deaf but I can read on your lips. And it’s my curse.
Variante :
I’m deaf but I can read on your lips. What does “groumpf” mean ?
The name of my girlfriend is finished by “.jpg”
It took all week, but I finally thought of one that hopefully passes muster here:
Beef: It’s What’s For Sinners
Stop me if you think I’ve become belligerent
I think I’m addicted to this now. Credit to the awesome ‘dumptruck of your indifference’ title.
“You lowered the beverage of anguish without using the coaster of my hope; consequently, there is a stain of despair upon the unlacquered coffee table of my heart”
When Everything You Have Is Everything You’ve Lost, Only Then Will I Be Happy In My Discontent.
“Guard Dog in the Florist”
Coming In Late 2007, Morrissey’s Last Album (Well, for at least another 5 year sabbatacal):
1. “Too Late For Oscar”
2. “If I Didn’t Set The Alarm, Would I Never Wake Up?”
3.”Boyfriend In Oklahoma (Will He Ever Come Home?)”
4. “The Big Difference Between A Man And A Manc”
5. “God, Satan And I”
6. “Mutual Disrespect”
7. “I Cannot Love, Am I Disabled?”
8. “The Bad Boy Thing Will Always Work (Especially On Me)”
9. “Terence, Don’t Give Me That Look Again”
10. “Polite Paedophile”
11. “Don’t Throw Things At Me, Please”
12. “I Hope Death Is The End, But I Won’t Get My Hopes Up”
Jesus Is Just Jealous of Me
1. Doctors without patience.
2. Fast Food Regime
3. Chris, Did you do this?
4. Yes, i made it my duty to forget you.
5. Communist brother, fascist lover.
6. Friction in the kitchen.
7. But Wherefore, Wilberforce?
8. My body rejected it’s blood.
1. Doctors without patience.
2. Fast Food Regime
3. Chris, Did you do this?
4. Yes, i made it my duty to forget you.
5. Communist brother, fascist lover.
6. Friction in the kitchen.
7. But Wherefore, Wilberforce?
8. My body rejected it’s blood.
Rumple Your Dress If You Miss Me
Charlie in a Bob
St. Nick is Neither Jolly Nor Old