American Idol Season 327 premiered tonight, and you know what that means: that possibility of seeing the next William Hung. Not many worthy candidates in this episode, but we did get barefoot “Crazy Dave,” who communicates with animals, and my personal favorite Jessica Nelson of Peotone, IL. “You can kiss my white asshole,” she threatened after the judges declined to send her to Hollywood. So offensive Fox had to censor her three times simultaneously! An Idol first? Tune in next week when Rob Thomas croons “1979.”
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I really liked the super tan chick.
She killed me.
It was so awesome when she went ghetto.
Peotone, IL is a stupid town. They are also bad at sports. And obviously they produce high-quality humans.
The super tan chick was great, but the tan chick’s mom was even better. Simon’s plan of asking whether or not she approved of how ugly her daughter made herself backfired the moment she walked in wearing a shorter skirt and gross(er) makeup. I Love America. Total hotties.
Ha! I used to go shoot shotguns in Peotone. No kidding.
I think my fave was the “I Shot the Sheriff” guy…or wait, “I Shot the Sheriff 18 Excruciatingly Bad Times” guy. I was DYING.
Stereogum’s blog entries start to run together in my mind. Right now, I’m thinking of Scott Stap singing on American Idol.
Last month, I couldn’t get the Kidz Bop version of “This Heart’s On Fire” out of my head (no, that never actually happened).
The “I Shot the Sheriff” guy was a hoot. Just when you thought he was done…nope, he’s going to sing the same two lines again and again and again. And the best part was they just let him keep going.
If I have one regret, it’s not buying eyeliner and fake tan futures three years ago. I’d be a rich man today.
Yeah, the super tan girl and the deputy dawg were great. But what made it for me was the fresh interpretation of The Band’s “The Weight” – not incompetent, just inappropriate to the spirit of the song. Hilariously so! Or maybe it was just me…
This season’s new look is sweat-stained Chicago tees.
I was curious how they got all those clips of people singing Lady Marmalade at the end though. The tan girl was included and she didn’t sing it in her audition that I saw. Did they make all the bad people sing it after they had been rejected just to montage it together? I smell conspiracy.
Are you kidding about Rob Thomas? I’ve been trying to find that mp3, so I could downlad it and laugh at it. That would be so funny if he performed it, I can’t wait. I hate American Idol, yet I always watch it.
I had this shit on as background noise, and the only slightly amusing part when was Simon told that dude he’d make a good drag queen. The boy looked pissed, but I’d definitely have taken that shit as a compliment; I’ve worked years to perfect my female-impersonator-impersonator skills.
III shot the sherriiiiiff…
…but I did not shoot the deputyyyy
III shot the sherriiiiiff…
…but I did not shoot the deputyyyy
III shot the sherriiiiiff…
…but I did not shoot the deputyyyy
III shot the sherriiiiiff…
…but I did not shoot the deputyyyy
III shot the sherriiiiiff…
…but I did not shoot the deputyyyy
III shot the sherriiiiiff…
…but I did not shoot the deputyyyy
III shot the sherriiiiiff…
…but I did not shoot the deputyyyy
Lather, rinse, repeat. I was DYING
Man, last nights show made Denver look like a freak show….I live in Denver…am I a freak too?
As an Illinoisan ??? I have to speak up and tell everyone that Peotone is THE MOST white trash town in Illinois. It’s one inces.t-farm too many for most people.
But that super fake tan chick lives about 10 minutes away from me. And she was all over the news all week crying about her terrible experience with simon. its hilarious.
I’m from Peotone and I just wanted to put it out there that not everyone from Peotone is a stupid trash-wouthed skank like Jessica. EVERYONE from our town is ashamed of her and we don’t even want to be associated with her. She should be getting soap in her mailbox and we all hope she’ll use it soon, both in her mouth and on her body!
And Jessica if you read this…YOUR VOICE SUCKED AND I’M SURE SIMON ISN’T GONNA REGRET HAVING YOU ON HIS SHOW! THANX FOR THE LAUGHS!
I have no idea what you’re talking about…I think you meant wilminton when that person was talking about inc.st…and yes peotone is the worst town in the freakin world, and yes everyone in peotone is pretty much like her. But right now, Jessica’s my hero for doing that. but beleive me…..peotone maybe stupid, ignorant, and obsessed with drama….but we’re not everyone is white trash, heck some people aren’t even trash…..and not all of our sports suck….by the way….what the hell did you mean when you wrote “trash-wouthed skank?” ……did you mean “trash-mouthed skank?”
Screw you guys!!!!! Who’s getting the publicity? Who’s name is known in sooooo many households. I AM JESSICA NELSON!!!!! I am not trash. I didn’t grow up in Peotone. I am a better singer than that, and I will make it to fame! Look for me…. I love you all for taking your time out to talk about me.
hey jessica…i think u r wayyyyy hot and i dont care what anybody else says..
hit me up sexy and we can sing together.. 
Peotone is not white trash. I think there are probably hundreds of more cities, town, or villages across Illinois who could fight pretty strongly for a “White Trash of Illinois” award. Just take a road trip across any interstate and you’ll find plenty of places with a bar that has a large “Pabst Blue Ribbon – On Tap” sign to clue you in. However the people above don’t make a strong enough arguement as why not. To say “not everyone from Peotone is a stupid trash-mouthed skank like Jessica” is admitting that there are more than just a few people or at least allowing others to infer this. While Peotone has its share of “dissappointments” it is no more than any other community. I do think that “trash” is a loose term that can mean a variety of things. To me trashy would apply to chicks with “muffin tops” (belly fat flop over low-rise jeans) and guys who wear girls pants. Now that is trashy.
As for Jessica…they have these things at stores you can buy that may help. They’re call Q-tips. You need to use them to clear out your ears. It may help you to realize your full potential…as anything except a singer.
And besides that, Decatur is way grosser than Peotone and doesn’t even have the redeeming quality of being somewhere near-ish Chicago.
Cazy Dave? Come on ! What a joke! My anus can sing more notes in tune than he can. I thought American Idol was supposed to be a singing competition , not a freakshow! There were many other much more talented contestants that didn’t get a gold ticket because they didn’t act retarded. If they want people to take this show seriously, they need to be a little more selective when handing out gold tickets. Crazy Dave ……… I don’t think so!
hey everyone… i used to go to school with jessica nelson and shes like that in real life. AHHAHAHA i laughed so hard when i saw her on there talkin about black asses n shit! that made my whole night.. and next day! she definatly cant sing, and as for her mouth.. well you saw for yourselves
i luved crazy dave y did they kick him off he wuz the best if he made it i wuddof bought all his albums!
Peotone is a nice town i live in it its a great little town and everyone is a lot nicer then u bitched at least Jessica Nelson had the guts to get up there. peotone is my town so shut up ar i might have to hurt u its a greqat town and we r good at sports ok vollyball creams any team out there so bug off this is my town and if i didnt move here it wound be a problem but it is so bug off bitches this is my town ok and i give Jessica created for going up there u go Jessica we should meet up sometime