In case you missed this in the comments, a wonderful Stereogum reader heeded our call for the lyrics to Ryan Adams’s brilliant new rap (nice work El Payo!). We made up the tune’s title “Look Who Got A Website.” Pretty lame, we know. We’re taking suggestions for a new moniker, Perez-style. Holla in the comments if inspiration strikes. Or better yet — is anyone feeling ambitious enough to MAKE A VIDEO (even just a slideshow) on YouTube? That would be g-g-g-g-genius. Kevin Bacon, motherfuckers!
“Look Who Got A Website” ©Ryan Adams | Barland Music 2006
Awwwwwww shit.
Look who got a website.
That’s right.
Dot com.
What the fuck.
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
New York City it’s up!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Staten Island.
Ancient Sumerians
Anna Sarriss…
Ohhh shit.
Well if I could get around to my rhymes
Then I could destroy galaxies
of alt.country wannabees
With a bottle of whisky
And a wizard and a mime
Until then?
Dot com motherfucker!
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
New York City!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Staten Island
Yo!
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Anna Serris ohhhh
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Anna Serris you out of this world
like ancient Sumerians
apparently we came from ancient Sumerians
they came down and gave the world a bunch of technology
because they wanted to clone themselves and that was
and maybe be on the Earth
and get some some stuff that they needed
for their planet
but then they had to split
so they went to another planet
we stayed here
and now we just yell at each other
and have milkshakes
Hi Anna
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Awww shit Anna Serris
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
You a g-g-g-g-genius
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Kevin Bacon was a cock!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Well up these streets are digital roads
Goin into your mind like if you think it was your nose
and your nose was sucking coke and drinksin E
Trippin’ too hard and gotta be
What was a dezzin Kevin Bacon
Makin Waterworld 3
They ain’t even made 2 yet
Yo that was Costner partner
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
kevincostner.com what the fuck?
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
two thousand and three
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
updated by witches
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
This website’s updated by witches
witches
witches n’ me
weird witches
roll about and leap
with their hair on fire
and their nails long
and they’re screaming at animals and people
and they’re going crazy
and they need to take a break from recording
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Aww shit – it’s a long record.
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
c-c-c-c-c-c-critics
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
One and a half stars yeah!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Aww shit
One and a half stars
3 records sold
my record went balsa wood
in Indio or someplace that I’m not from
you know what I’m saying man?
And then the guy goes “This record is very long and sappy.
Basically he’s alternative country but crappy.”
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
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I’m diggin the rhymes. Sound like someone unwinding from some friggin long recording sessions. Heh.
Feel free to correct any errors in my half-assed transcription –
Who is Anna Serris?
What is ‘dezzin’?
etc.
Could he be saying Anna Feris?
that boy has madd skillz, cuz
is he mocking Beck?
the “burger king” song and the “wrecked” song are the best.
holy shit this is fuckin’ hilarious. “Kevin Bacon what the fuck?!” I’m really confused why he shouts out 2003 tho. Maybe this is a leftover from the, um, Rock N Roll sessions? I dunno, it made me laugh.
andy serkis?
If Ryan Adams weren’t a musician, it would be funny. But this is the same Ryan Adams who makes his living off charlatan musical imitations. If yoou find this funny you must have herniated when RocknRoll came out. You all are like the Bush apoligists; RA’s own little FOX network. Anything he does, no matter how egregious, lame, or ridiculous, you find a way to spin out a defense. I wish HIS term ended in ’08.
I assume Ryan Schreiber wrote the post above mine. Did Ryan (Adams) run over your dog?
God
Jesus
George W. Bush
Ryan Adams
Stereogum… in that order.
Comedy Gold.
COPIED AND PASTED FROM PITCHFORK…
Hey, Ryan Adams: STFU
You guys, the internet is so terrible. Today comes word that Ryan Adams has relaunched his website with a comical new Battlestar Galactica-style interface, soundtracked entirely by the tousled-haired singer/songwriter’s own horrific beats and rhymes. Yes, he is rapping. In what is without question one of thee worst aural assaults of the year, Adams subjects visitors to no less than four minutes of a novelty hip-hop track that, at its best, consists of him shouting “NEW YORK CITY!”, and at worst, has him putting on his best impression of a rappin’ witch. There’s also a fascinating song about a drunk Santa. It’s a classic Adams wtf moment, a blatent publicity stunt we imagine he feels is unassailable since it’s pretty much harmless and is just him goofing off and being his usual obnoxious self. You know what? No. This is basically criminal negligence. Who knows a lawyer?
Suggested title:
To Be Sumerian (Is to Be Balsa, Is to Be Witchy) or Ryan Adam’s Great Jones Street Rappin’ Blues #33
With enormous due respect to Bob Mould, Ryan’s ditty is the worst “rap” song since Bob’s “Megamanic”. But Ryan’s obviously having fun with it, so we’re all in on the joke.
God i hate pitchfork. Please! Slam another good record so everyone goes to your site generating page views for your silly ads. Die. Bazan was right.
Someone get Drunk Santa in an mp3!!!
no, don’t do it drunken santa!
i think it might be saying “webmasters, please report to the dancefloor” which is even funnier. THIS TRACK IS THE SHEEET. hi anna.
It’s hard to tell with that Cylon vocoder effect, but my mans may be right.
I have to say, I really dislike Ryan Adams’ music and his persona and just about everything that goes along with it.
But this rap, which Scott has brilliantly titled, is one of the funniest, most amazing things I have heard from a non-comedian.
“Kevin Costner Dot Com What the fuck!”
Hysterical.
And the yelling of 2003 in the middle of 2006 is awesome. I always thought that hip-hop’s yelling of time/date instantly dates their music. It’s like when you listen to Public Enemy and Flava is shouting “1991″ and you’re like…oh, right, it’s old.
With the Battlestar Gallactica video, I can’t stop watching this thing and cracking up over and over again. More Rap from R.A.!
I think this should be the new Battlestar Galactica theme music.
erm, that should read: ryan-adams.com
Anyone out there well-connected enough to find out what Anna Faris thinks of this? Ah, the famous. They have access to high-tech flirting facilitators the common man can only dream of.
this thing is fucking killing me! why does it keep getting funnier?
I’m pretty sure it’s “Kevin Bacon what the fuck”…not “was a cock.”
I’m pretty sure it’s “Kevin Bacon what the fuck”…not “was a cock.”
i thought he said kevin bacon was cock too…
I went to Ryan’s site to hear this rap and just got a blank screen…WTF am I doing wrong. I gotta hear this….
Guys, c’mon, he’s just fucking around. And it’s absolutely hilarious.
Ya know whats sweet. A lot of you diss ryan adams in your comments, which is funny, because while you’re busy doing nothing with your life, hes well famous and rich, but that aside, no matter what you say, Ryan Adams dosn’t give a flying fuck, and he’ll do more ridiculous shit, and you’ll critique him more, and he…wait for it…. still won’t give a flying fuck because he’s Ryan Adams.
I hate these people
I went there and what the fuck it looked like hell.
No affence
I don’t think it’s very cool that i mean ya i hate that fucken website but no affence.
He quit drinking and drugs and couldn’t sleep, so he made all these ridiculous songs to keep himself busy. That’s all.