It’s nice to see someone have a little fun with their job, and Jos Grain, the apparent author of Iggy’s free-wheeling, irreverent rider, seems to be taking the piss all over its 18 pages. Read it in its entirety at The Smoking Gun, but we’ve culled some choice stipulations for ya:

4 X MARSHALL 1960 4X12 CABINETS (2 x slant A’s and 2 x straight B’s). That’s a shame, isn’t it? If they were all straight A’s, the whole stack would have qualified for a scholarship to go to Oxford University. Still, their loss, our gain/master volume.

2 X HEAVY DUTY STRAIGHT CYMBAL STANDS. But we are equal opportunity employers, so gay stands may apply also. (They won’t get the fucking job, though…)

Oh yes, and Iggy adores breaking cameras, so really it’s best not to get too close to him. Of course, I will be on hand to try and prevent him from destroying your equipment; unfortunately, there is only one person I can think of who likes to break cameras more than he does, and that’s ME … You’ll get some intense footage whatever happens. Trust me on this one.

Cauliflower /broccoli, cut into individual florets and thrown immediately into the garbage. I fucking hate that.

2 large industrial fans to be provided by promoter one on stage and one in the dressing room for use by the drummer. He’s practicing that scarf thing that they used to do in Bon Jovi and Heart videos.

Dressing Room One. Iggy Pop: You know what would be really nice? If you could make this room less like a typical rock & roll dressing room and more sort of…. Interesting? Are you with me? Just let someone loose with a little bit of artistic flair…Er, do you know any homosexuals? And am I allowed to say that? Probably not.

The most fucked part, though, is the addendum (below), where Jos pitches his reality show, called “Dead Dog Island.” Seriously.

Addendum (whatever that means) to the rider.

Dead Dog Island

By the way, if there are any Reality TV executives reading this – hardly likely, I know, but – here is my idea for a Reality TV Show.

It’s called ‘Dead Dog Island’, where a group of contestants / dog lovers is asked what is their favourite breed of dog, then whatever they reply (for example, ‘Poodle’. Or ‘Labrador’) they are then presented with a dead dog of that particular breed, which they have to cook in a number of different ways, say about six or seven, and then eat it all up over the course of the next, oooh… two weeks or so.

But just to make it a little more difficult and sort of gameshow-y, all the knives are blunt, and they have to wear a pair of those enormous clown trousers, made out of wood or something, so that they can’t quite reach anything. Well only just, anyway.

The first person to completely eat all his (or her) dog, and not be thrown off the island by the public for being too pleasant, or maybe unpleasant, wins another, live dog of exactly the same breed. And pots of money. And free dog food for life (of the dog).

This all would take place on some romantic tropical island somewhere, so it would all be very visual and make really super telly.

Maybe there could be a celebrity version, with currently out-of-the-spotlight celebrities in it. Does anybody know if Cher is a dog lover. I think Stevie Nicks probably is.

Oh, and no sicking it all up into a bucket every night when the cameraman goes to bed. That would be frowned upon…

CBS needs to sign a development deal with this guy.