Google’s quest to provide endless means for procrastination received an infusion last month with the launch of their Patent Search, a kid-friendly search engine to dig up the history, tech info, and schematics on all sorts of legally-protected, hair-brained schemes. Ironic Sans is all over it, pulling registered patents from the likes of Harry Connick, Jr., Lawrence Welk, and this masterpiece from Eddie Van Halen (via Gawker):

Sorry, budding axe-slingers; ripping like Eddie’s against the law! And some more bad news: you’ll never defy gravity like Jacko, either. We couldn’t find anything on Tom Waits’s voicebox, which means Honus Honus is in the clear. Let us know if you find any others!
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I always know Dylan was a genius, but not like this:
http://www.google.com/patents?vid=USPAT5425940&id=chEmAAAAEBAJ&dq=robert+zimmerman
boo:
http://www.google.com/patents?q=kevin+federline&btnG=Search+Patents
michael jordan’s pretty smart too http://www.google.com/patents?vid=USPAT4325910&id=mxQ8AAAAEBAJ&dq=michael+jordan
And Tom Waits has sued folks for sounding like him. Well, at least folks who sound like him and sing in auto adverts.
http://www.stereogum.com/archives/001842.html
So, I guess as long as Honus Honus stays away from ads, he’s okay – though I would like to hear a Man Man version of “Crazy ‘Bout A Ford Truck.”
Admit it, you’d take up smoking again if you had the welk ashtray.