It?s on! Welcome the 49th Grammy Award Show, coming to you live you from Stereogum HQ. It?s going to be a long night, but we?re super excited. We?ve got Police to praise, Blunt to mock, and Timberlake backup singers to handicap. Plus ? there?s always those wacky Grammy commercials!
We?ve also got some eyes and ears at the actual ceremony, so if our spies don?t get their Blackberry thumbs broken by the NARAS secret police we?ll have some inside dirt to pass along as well.
So sit back, grab as much beer as you need to make The Dixie Chicks sound like Cat Power and the Memphis Rhythm Band, and keep that finger on the refresh button. Live blog begins in five?
Exactly how close do you have to be to Ludacris to call him ?Luda??
8:03
Police take the stage. Think we saw Diddy waving a cellphone in the front row. Does this jazz-odyssey version of “Roxanne” count as a medley?
8:08
Nice early win for Tony Bennett. and Stevie Wonder. Stevie’s looking positively planetary in that outfit. Ouch, not only did the music start, but they had the Grammy bouncer out on stage as well. Who is the bouncer coming after next? James Blunt?
8:12
StereoSpy Update: Collective gasp/snicker in the audience when Tony Bennett thanked Target.
8:13
Dixie Chicks take the stage. Love the bride-with-slutty-bridesmaids look. Rick Rubin has these girls on the right track.
8:14
Rick Rubin’s Dixie Chicks Makeover #2: RHCP’s Chad Smith on the skins!
8:18
“Beyoncé.”
8:20
Who’s doing the sound tonight? Beyoncé’s reverb sounds like a bathroom at the Vince Lombardi rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike.
8:21
Since we’re working on our gambling problem, we’ve decided to handicap the My Grammy Moment contest. We have three contenders to backup JT: Africa, Robyn, and Brenda. At this point we’re giving Africa 3-1 to take the backup gig. She’s got the chops, the name, and sounds a little bit like Mariah Carey without the crazy.
8:22
Does anybody else find it strange that the same guys who wrote “My Humps” are out there plugging Booker T.?
8:25
What a pro, Mary J. kept her notecards in her purse! Here comes the bouncer!
8:33
StereoSpy Update: We’re in. Everyone is really dressed up, but standing in the hallway housing McDonalds and pretzels which is kind of weird. Grammy merch is for sale at typically ridiculous prices. One guy is wearing a shirt that he just bought. Dude – wearing a Grammy shirt… to the Grammys? Don’t be that guy.
The Grammy programs have paintings and other artistic renditions of nominated artists. The John Mayer one is creepy and I fear it will haunt my dreams all week.
8:37
JT takes the stage for the song that is definitely absolutely NOT about Britney. Whoa JustinCam. This video is totally going up on Justin’s MySpace. Nice eyebrow tweeze, JT!
8:42
Mary J. takes her second consecutive award for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance. The second installment of Mary J.’s self-empowerment spiel has us puzzled: Is it success that tells you who you are, or is it failure? Sounds like Mary J. has been taking life advice from Fergie.
8:45
Random Grammy Fun Fact: Andy Summers was born on 12/31/42, making him 11 months older than Keith Richards. He also wrote the Weekend At Bernie’s soundtrack. A full life, that.
8:50
Legend v. Mayer. Some hot John on John action. They join Corinne Bailey Rae on the single most soporific performance in Grammy history.
8:52
We feel a solo coming. Get ready for the Mayer “Oh” face.
8:54
“Oh! Oh!”
8:55
Non-televised Grammy update: The computer algorithm that wrote “My Humps” beat out Death Cab for Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group.
8:58
John Mayer wins Best Pop Vocal Album. Text 1 for Africa.
9:02
Commercial break food for thought: Do John Mayer and Corinne Bailey Rae have the same haircut?
9:04
Boff-Marry-Kill: Nellie Furtado, any of the Pussycat Dolls, James Blunt.
9:05
Wyclef and his tighty whiteys joins the most truthful hips in the biz on a Middle Eastern-infused belly dancing lesson. Wyclef nearly pulls a hamstring.
9:11
Put that in your Blunt and smoke it: Dixie Chicks and Martin Maguire win Song Of The Year for “Not Ready To Make Nice.” We don’t wanna get ahead of ourselves, but James is getting shut out. Is tonight the last we ever hear his name? Fingers crossed.
9:17
This just in: “Weird Al” loses coveted surround sound award to Donald Fagen. Prepare for a withering “Morph The Hack” spoof.
9:19
Grammy Contest Update: Our StereoSpy reports that Robyn has packed the hall full of ringers. Vote Africa, people! We don’t want to get our kneecaps broken!
9:23
Gnarls, finally! And they’re dressed as … as flight attendants? Is this a Soul Plane reference? You know there are people in the audience that haven’t heard this song before. Only at The Grammys!
9:25
Kanye’s on stage with Common to present Best Rap Album. No Fendi advertisements on his cranium tonight. Peace. Love. The Gap.
9:39
Either Mandy Moore is a giant, or Luke Wilson is a teeny tiny. No wonder Zach Braff dumped her.
9:52
We have no idea what she’s singing, but Carrie Underwood makes us long for the Starlight Vocal Band.
9:53
Oh, Rascal Flatts. Just when we thought we couldn’t like The Eagles any less.
9:55
The Police only get one song and The Eagles get a medley?
9:58
What happened to Craig Kilborn?
10:02
Carrie Underwood wins Best Country Album. Simon Cowell celebrates by massaging his breasts to nipple erection.
10:08
Muthafuckin’.
10:09
“Tracks Of My Tears”? Smokey looks like he’s had his tearducts removed. He couldn’t even cry at this point if he wanted to.
10:14
Holy crap, it’s Tim Burton’s Riverdance. So this is what it feels like to get served.
10:18
Too much smoke! Christina’s gonna pass out.
10:20
The Police just broke up.
10:21
Mayer and Christina need to have a face off.
10:22
No major awards show has a worse celebrity to insider you don’t recognize ratio than the Grammys. Who are these people?
10:26
Wow, Mastercard really nailed/skewered the irony of the whole “bedhead chic” thing. Comb your hair, faux-hipster! What is this, 2001?
10:27
They arranged this classical break so two-thirds of the Dixie Chicks could go out and have a smoke.
10:30
Wish we could make fun of dead people.
10:33
We already miss James Brown!
10:40
Ludacris takes the stage, Stevie Wonder immediately sues Luda’s singing conga player.
10:42
A children’s choir can only mean one thing: Michael Jackson is about to make a guest appearance!
10:43
StereoSpy reports that James Blunt has had a rib removed so that he can better make love to himself.
10:45
Somewhere right now your 4th grade teacher is weeping.
10:47
It’s about time somebody got around to honoring the Cosimo Sound.
10:51
You’re welcome, Prince. Your personalized note means everything to us.
10:52
Africa!!!!! Nooooo!!!!!!
10:56
Well, this girl can sing, at least. She looks pretty comfortable up there. Almost as if she knew this would be happening…
10:58
Anybody catch JT air guitaring his penis on the “My Love” outro? Impressive.
10:59
Two phrases we’d never thought we’d hear in the same sentence: “Tony Bennett” and “Grindhouse.”
11:00
Quentin Tarantino is high on Quentin Tarantino. This joke brought to you by Target.
11:02
You know what the music means, Dixie chicks — heh heh!
11:09
Well it’s past 11, so we can make “Dick In A Box” jokes. Uncensored telecast will be up on YouTube tomorrow.
11:14
Please please let him make a global warming joke.
11:17
Conveniently, the Chili Peppers were already downstairs. Start a rock band! Start a rock band! Chad Smith now looks and acts like Will Ferrell.
11:18
StereoSpy Update: RHCP’s amp had “love to ornette coleman” written on it in case anyone was wondering.
11:19
StereoSpy is now covered in little white pieces of paper.
11:21
Anna Nicole Smith is still dead. The Police are back together.
11:24
We recognize Scarlett Johansson, but which Baldwin is that?
11:26
All Grammy-related disappointment is relative, but the Dixie Chicks? This sucks.
11:28
Mercifully, the curtain has fallen on another year of industry wankery. We want to thank you all for reading and posting. We’ll be back next year to liveblog the (hopefully James Blunt-free) 50th anniversary. If anyone needs us, we’ll be washing our ears and eyes out with soap.
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ricci and jackson. love it.
she looks hot. he, however, is wearing a shirt accents the oldman-boobs a bit.
smokey!
WHAT IS SMOKEY WEARING???
We think he stole Brit Brit’s old lace dress and is wearing it as a shirt…
how many facelifts do you think smokey has had? he’s at least 65-70 right?
WHAT IS SMOKEY WEARING???
We think he stole Brit Brit’s old lace dress and is wearing it as a shirt…
LIONEL!
yes!
oh shit. lionel had to bust out hello. he should have the sculpture of laura on his piano.
Way to regain the limited Richie spotlight from Nicole.
i love chris brown. stepping out in a mask. he’s not even old enough to go to college and earn greek letters.
stomp the yard!!!!
word!
Things I did instead of watching the Grammys:
-Watch Family Guy
-Watch Y Tu Mama Tambien
-Read the LiveBlog on Stereogum
-Listen to Girl Talk
-Listen to Menomena
-Listen to Of Montreal
-Not get raped in the ear by James Blunt, a Black Eyed Pea or any other hacks at the Grammys who aren’t fit to lick the sweat off of Gregg Gillis’ or Kevin Barnes’ balls.
Let’s face it: Any of the artists at the Grammys recieving an award is like when George Tenet got that medal. A reward for debauching the institution they’re supposed to be upholding. So until the Grammys recognizes an actual ‘artist,’ I’ll listen to real music anyday. Oh wait, did Gnarls win an award? ‘Cause if so, I’ve been proven wrong. To an extent.
kris-kross?
2 things…I wanna be a rapper that doesn’t actually sing any of his song other than “whoaaa. yeahhh.”
and are those dancing kids the same ones from the Gym Class Heroes video (you know, the cupids)?
Christina looks like a poodle. check it out
don’t make me think wierd things about poodles
I’m reading the ‘gum as an indie rock girl, but I have to say that The Dixie Chicks are awesome — hate on conventional country radio and its jingoism all you want, these girls rock.
And, for the record, the singer (Natalie Maines) is married to Nathan, not Peter, Petrelli on “Heroes” (aka Adrian Pasadar). Banjo Player Emily is married to Charlie Robison (Texas singer-songwriter, brother of Bruce who’s married to singer Kelly Willis) , and her sister Martie is married to some Irish guy.
Can Somebody turn her into a Poodle
GOD. NOT THIS GUY AGAIN…
His speech blows every.damn.year.
damn…those two are the most talented people I’ve seen on the Grammy stage
i hate when the have the pres of academy thingies and the dude talks and no one listens. but ok, its nice to see talented school kids having min recitals. i guess. go music!
john mayer looks so awkward in a tux. so.
Notice the hush that went over the crowd when J Dilla’s name was on stage. *sigh*
What the hell was that segway into a commercial break??
Does anyone actually still watch Survivor???
or for that fact The Amazing Race?
that would be a negative
those two go to the same hair dresser
ah! david spade is so awkward! that hand-to-the-shoulder motion was hilarious.
i think stevie was just dying in the background
Is it just me or is ludacris a no talent hack? I find his sing songy flow to be nearly unbearable.
Oh hell, Mary let her hair down, TIME TO GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
if only a black hole would spontaneously open and swallow both ludacris and mary j
seriously, go away mary
and luda- you are a dorky black person and this song sucks
i love mary and luda. random followup choice of james blunt. uhh…
Wow, Luda, you are such a fighter for women’s causes. Can you play “Moneymaker” next?
time to leave the TV. James blunt just too a poo in my month.
dear jesus christ,
will you use your powers to force someone to just jump up and punch james blunt in the jugular?
thank you
yikes.
i feel like it would have been better for blunt’s career to sing the real lyrics (fucking high)…it would have given him another 15 minutes…but since he didn’t, we bid you a very grateful goodbye, james
Somebody needs to wipe that obnoxious smirk off his face…and by that I mean throw him under a train.
isn’t his 15 minutes of fame up yet?
I’VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS SONG SINCE I HEARD IT IN ITALY LIKE 3 MONTHS BEFORE IT CAME TO THE STATES…AND IT’S STILL AROUND…WHYYYYYY, I’M FUCKING SUING JAMES BLUNT FOR PERSONAL TRAUMA
must… shop… target…
“And a Red Hot Chili Peppers performance that people will be talking about tomorrow.”
Oh man, can’t wait for that! Bet it will be so super Californicationastic! I’m always wetting my Stadium Arcadipants! I might jump right out of my Dani Californiseat for this one! Bet this one won’t go like water Under the Bridge!
ahhh shit
Did Prince buy an ad to thank CBS??
Wow. Just…wow.
please shop target…I work there (unfortunately) so maybe i’ll get a kickback…wishful thinking
say what you will….this is a good song, rock it Jtim
love it!
i like how JT is doing the whole Coaches for Cancer look (you know…college basketball coaches wearing tennis shoes…)sorry for the random reference, I go to UNC where basketball is constantly on my mind.
in the white trainers and strained face, jt kinda looks like mike skinner.
… and to think I died for this.
I want to be what Tarentino’s on….
seriously? you couldn’t go anywhere for like a 3-4 month period without hearing the song “crazy” or hearing people say how it was the perfect pop song at the time and how dangermouse’s production was impeccable…i just found out the dixie chicks had a new song when they won the award….HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
how i met your mother is a good show. doogie howser’s got jokes.
who is lynette coleman? and why is flea lovin on her?
what the fuck is up with these combinations. al gore and queen latifa?? seriously??
al gore motherfuckers.
08!
Wow, Al Gore is fucking everywhere!
is al gore now going to run around picking up all of the confetti to reuse tomorrow?
flora- i thought the same thing re JT and Mike Skinner. suit w sneakers needs to die tho.
Jimm, I am totally with you. Situations like that at award shows such as the Grammy’s makes me not want to watch it. It’s really hard to understand the voting process. Who votes for these people? They don’t really understand music and they are not the voice of the consumers. It’s pointless to have these award shows if you’re not going to award the true winner. The last Dixie Chicks song I liked was that Earl is dead or die Earl or somethin’ like that.
don henly just lost all my respect for him…which wasn’t much
ScarJo: have any advice.
Don: ……no
moment of the night.
dixie chicks get album of the year. good music or political statement? or both? dont know cos i’ve only heard that one song… 10x tonight.
“11:18
StereoSpy Update: RHCP’s amp had “love to ornette coleman” written on it in case anyone was wondering.”
thanks bud….WHEN DID THEY MAKE THIS ALBUM??? WHEN?…fucking dixie chicks
dixie chicks again? we won in november! you don’t have to do this, grammy voters.
I like the tie-outside-the-sweater look…I think I’ll try that in class tomorrow, see how it goes over.
LAME – Queen Latifah wants me to vote, but for those of us in pacific standard time the cable airing of the show is too late?! Voting closes at ’11:00pm eastern’, but it’s already 11:30 eastern!!!
Al Gore should have something to say about that…
awesome….justin timberlake was robbed.
what the fuck… the dixie chicks?! the dixie fucking chicks?!?!
now that the grammys are over, i’m off to target to buy the new fall out boy cd
fuck the dixie chicks!
The Dixie Chicks bought a lot of their own CD’s to drive up the sale. They are such anti-American in everything they say now about the USA. I say ship them and their music to France
poor imogen heap….fuck carrie underwood!
God forbid we honor mature, smart music from talented women. You Dixie Chicks haters can suck it. It’s better than Mary J screaming through a U2 cover, Red Hot Chili Peppers (who haven’t been relevant since the mid 90s), John Mayer’s bland crap, Justin Timberlake’s sexy back or Gnarls Barkeley’s ridiculous crap (aside from
Crazy the album is garbage). Listen to Taking the Long Way…it has more emotion and intelligence than most music out there. Plus Natalie Maines has a hell of a voice.
David – we didn’t say the other nominees didn’t suck as well
Did anyone catch how every time someone won an award they appeared in a commercial break?
aww…john frusciante. he makes me so happy!
and fuck scar-jo for the last time. i will come down on her like a black rain if she goes through with this album.
im all for you guys being your hipster selves, but do you really have to be anti-everything? cause you know, its like not trying too………. hard or anything………. no, not at all. um. no.
“Listen to Taking the Long Way”
Sure, I’ll do that… right after I stick my schwantz in a blender. Hicks suck. Hick chicks suck worse. Hick chick music sucks donkey.
david re: relevance.
i am not a rhcp fan, but like love, it’s better to have been relevant(rhcp), than to never have been relevant at all(dixie chicks).
NICE PROPS TO JAMES BROWN!!!
DANNY RAY (CAPE MAN) HONORED THE GODFATHER BY DRAPING THE CAPE OVER THE MIC STAND……
JUST ONE MORE TIME….
I’M SURPRISE THEY DIDN’T WHEEL HIM OUT IN SOME FROZEN CANNISTER!!!
RIP GFOS
AND I THOUGHT AGUILLERA DID A NICE VERSION OF IT’S A MAN’S WORLD….
& A BIG HIGH FIVE TO RICK RUBEN….
SOME OF THESE SO CALLED ARTISTS NEED TO THANK HIM FOR THEIR CAREERS…..
Anybody find it ironic that President Gore was talking about an eco-friendly music industry while wasted pieces of paper clung to his suit? And there was that sad look of knowing defeat in his eye when Queen Latifah pulled one off of his shoulder. How many poplars had to be pulped so that the Pussycat Dolls could be covered in confetti? Of course, given the fact that the evening is a celebration of wasted consumer dollars, destructive excess is perfectly apropos.
Al Gore was there to praise the music industry, which he said has been at the forefront of the environmentalist movement.
You know, except for all the private jets.
And the gasguzzling tour buses.
And the industry reluctance to go disc-free digital.
And all the cocaine money they transfer to the enviro-rapists of the Andes.
But they’re always TALKING about it, these music-types. Except the hiphop crews. And the rockers. Not so much the country dudes either. But Michael Stipe, Moby, and Sting, man, they’re all over it! The forefront!
OK, so Al Gore was really there because there were TV cameras rolling — and he doesn’t look so fat standing next to Queen Latifah.
??
Fuck the environment, the real issue is what is this nonesense about Scarlett singing?
Conrats to the Dixie Chicks who ended the night with a one album sold:one award won ratio. Seriously, all of these awards shows need to be a little more explicit about their voting process and be open to changes when they’re obviously necessary.
Mary J hasn’t made anything enjoyable since What’s the 411? I wish she’d go back on the drugs amd not love herself anymore if we could get another Grand Puba duet.
after the chili peppers performed and there was all that “snow” i really expected al gore to make a global warming joke, but then figured he probably doesnt have a sense of humor.
i don’t particularly care for christina aguilera but she sang the hell out of that song. it gave me chills.
i was bummed i missed the police, but i was too busy shopping (at target!)
Here?s a preview sample of the Dixie Chicks “Not Ready to Make Nice” parody with a little Asian flair in the mix:
Not Ready to Make Rice
(Dr BLT?s Dixie Chicks Nix Mix)
Words and music by Dr. BLT ©2007
http://www.drblt.net/music/NotReady2P.mp3
Anticipated release date: Friday, Feb. 23, 2007
and if you still haven’t heard my Dixie Chicks Grammys protest song, here it is, for your listening pleasure:
Playin’ Politics (With the Dixie Chicks)
Dr BLT (c)2007
http://www.drblt.net/music/DixieChicks.mp3