You’ve been waiting patiently all weekend, so let’s get this thing going. Welcome to this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, this year featuring three whole awards dedicated to videos! We’ve been hypnotized by John Norris’s amazing new wig, Kanye’s plastic-looking facial hair, and Paris’s wonky eye. But all that’s behind us. Live blog begins … now.
8:36
Suchin says “the party has officially started”! If you’re just tuning in, you haven’t missed much. When did Boys Like Girls become popular? LC cleans up nice.
8:49
And, controversy already! Kanye’s upset that he wasn’t chosen to open the awards. “Maybe my money?s not right. Maybe my skin?s not right.” Maybe you’re mind’s not right? Everybody’s out to get you, ‘Ye.
8:58
Ah, the Foos, breaking down their crazy suite (Josh Homme, Lemmy, Mastodon). A moment in VMAs history: 10 years ago Pat Smear announced he was quitting the band. And tonight? Cee-Lo joins Foo Fighters! In a flasher jacket, no less.
9:00
Okay, let’s get this out of the way: It’s Britney, bitch.
9:02
Wow, she’s not even trying to feign singing. Her lip syncing is almost as bad as her weave.
9:04
Oh Criss Angel, this is the time to make her disappear.
9:04
Crowd reaction shots: Black people don’t care about Britney.
9:06
Sarah Silverman brings up Britney. Brace for it…
9:07
Wow Sarah. Way to use those stretched lips to suck all the air out of the room.
9:08
Mark Ronson will be re-versioning songs you love all night long with his house band, “Watered Down Motown.” You could really hear his guitar!
9:11
Pete Wentz’s mic doesn’t work. Wishes do come true!
9:13
Eve’s on stage, her alcohol-monitoring anklet is not. Sweet iMovie graphics, MTV. You really do get Web 2.0.
9:15
Rihanna wins her first of 15 awards for Monster Single Of The Year.
9:16
Kanye’s suite features one dude without the regulation ventilated, venetian shades. He’s getting kicked out momentarily, unless he can come up with a blond dyke.
9:19
Commercial break. Let’s watch this.
9:24
Hey, it’s Thicke! He’s looking a lot like Alan these days. And Jennifer Hudson. We once ran into her at JFK airport once. At Hudson News. True story.
9:26
Justin Timberlake wins quadruple threat. We challenge: Isn’t he a quintuple threat?
9:28
Unfortunately the FOB mics are working now. Pete throws his bass! How rawk. It hit Krist Novoselic.
9:33
“What if I say I’m not like the others.” Said the Foo’s cellist.
9:35
It’s the Most Earth-Shattering Collab award, presented by good friends Kanye and Fifty. Someone’s overdressed.
9:36
Most Earth-Shattering Collab goes to Beyoncé. She snubbed 50 Cent for a smooch.
9:38
Adam Levine & the Dap Kings. Nice vest.
9:41
Another commercial. You know you wanna watch this again.
9:43
Shock G aka Humpty?
9:45
Chris Brown’s pod-hopping performance has us thinking: Lip syncing ain’t what it used to be. It’s okay, 50 Cent made screwing up your sync cool. Reminds us of our last trip to Benihana.
9:49
Thanks Rihanna, that was actually pretty good!
9:51
Should we really have a Michael Jackson song playing when little children are in such close proximity?
9:52
Hey, a “D.A.N.C.E.” bumper! Tip your glasses, kids.
9:53
Hey Farnsworth! Where ya been man? You inpsired Rihanna’s biggest hit and all, thought you’d be everywhere.
9:58
Male artist of the year goes to … Justin Timberlake. He’s joined by the Maestro. Wow JT’s amazing humility, tempered by a douchey “dayum.” Okay, humble pie, “play more vids MTV,” etc. … this speech was Justin’s attempt to be the people’s champion. Buying it? And did he just dis the Simpsons movie?
9:59
MTV heeds JT’s complaints with … a commercial for A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila!
10:06
JT’s getting arrested for that speech! Oh no, he’s just being led down a hallway to sing “Ayo Technology.”
10:08
Hey it’s Shia the Beef! And he announced the title of the new Indy flick: Indiana Jones And The… actually we don’t care.
10:10
Female artist of the year: Fergie! Is she even a woman? Ludacris refused to stand. He’s got an erection.
10:11
Kanye’s bringing the “Good Life” to his Palms suite. Is the good life better than the life we live? Looks like it! But at least we have better taste in tuxes and shades.
10:19
It’s a Fueled By Ramen extravaganza! Gym Class Heroes, Brandon Urie, Fall Out Boy, and some rappers we don’t recognize.
10:22
The girl from Transformers sends it over to … Aaron Neville? Pass the cocoa butter. Oh, right, it’s an out-of-breath maestro. Timbaland brings us Linkin Park. Rick Rubin, now we see! You are definitely maybe our savior.
10:25
Hey the Entourage guys come out to muted applause. It’s gotta be weird for Adrian Grenier to play someone infinitely more famous than he’ll ever be. But at least he’s filming for that documentary that was his excuse for hanging with Paris Hilton for a week.
10:28
Serj Tarkanian performs to an audience including Jesus Christ! Or Ted Nugent. Can’t really tell. And, really, they’re so easily confused.
10:33
Rihanna + Fall Out Boy = Actually fuck it we’re terrible at math. Seth Rogen and Bill Hader! Swoon. Kid Rock has no teeth. And let’s take a quickie poll: Peter Bjorn & John’s chances of winning Best New Artist? We’ll start the bidding at 0%.
10:35
Alicia’s lookin’ like a cross of Dr. Teeth and Rowlf. Probably that hairnet. They’ve got Alicia Keys working the kitchen before/after her performance.
10:45
Alright everybody, 15 minutes left! We can make it together! As long as we all take a sippy sip right abouts now. And, go! Just in time to make noise for Jamie Foxx.
10:47
The Foxx will not let the Garner speak. Speak, Garner!
10:48
Anyone know when Jamie Foxx’s new movie’s coming out?
10:49
“The winner is Gym Class Fall Out”? Hey did Jennifer Garner just make a music joke? That’s probably giving her too much credit. Must be she can’t read.
10:50
Hey it’s that girl from the internet! Miss South Carolina, you’re saying words but somehow, such as, you’re not, making sense. Definitely digging this Mark Ronson/Miss South Carolina re-version.
10:52
“fall out boy is the biggest waste of air in the history of breathing and air and history and waste and boys.” steve, we love you.
10:57
Hey Ronson brought Daniel Merriweather in for “Stop Me.” And he shaved that soul patch. Mary J. Blige thanks you.
10:58
Mary J’s giving props to an innovating producer. How much you wanna bet she’s not talking about Steve Albini?
10:59
Holy shit Dre’s HUGE! The Doctor’s been using performance enhancing chronic.
11:00
And the video of the year goes to … Rihanna! Okay, three awards, we were off on our prediction of 15. Since there aren’t 15 awards, we aren’t surprised. Diddy promises one more big performance. Aside from the Tommy Lee vs. Kid Rock punchout.
11:06
So the special performance stars Nelly’s poor choice of dress, Timbaland’s beef pipes, the people’s champ JT, and possibly that girl who won the phoneathon to sing with JT during the Grammys. Justin’s dancing. Anybody know where Chris Brown is?
11:12
And, we’re done. Sway said “This one goes out to my girl Britney who asked ‘What time do I go on?’”
11:15
So that’s it. Was there even a highlight? Judging by the pall in this room, we’re thinking no. We’d say we’ll see ya next year, but first we’ll see if they don’t cancel this thing. In summation: see Fifty’s face.
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no seriously what did sarah silverman say?
again, rihanna is the only good thing about this year’s vmas! wait–is that fall out boy?!?!
Anyone looking for a 40-something White Trash republican to eat their pussy out for breakfast?
Sara called Britney’s kids mistakes and other stuff that may have been over the line..
sarah silverman didn’t say anything especially funny. it was painful how everyone just looked at her and didn’t laugh. brutal.
nelly definitely holding a plastic cup of beer, in my heart, forever.
alicia has big booty
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at least alicia keys is actually singing, right? but… george michael? better than more timberland/lake, i guess.
wtf is Alicia Keys doing?
i wish i was at kanye’s party instead of at home watching this stupid fucking show.
where’s chris angel?
VMAs sponsored by Fall Out Boy? WTF. BeGone!
DEAR MTV,
NO MORE FALL OUT BOY PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
Jennifer GARDENER’s gonna rap!
Don’t remember seeing all these G.I. Joe commercials back when MTV was still relevant.
Coinkydink?
fall out boy is the biggest waste of air in the history of breathing and air and history and waste and boys.
it’s like watching a computer short-circuit…regurgitating files that you thought you’d deleted years ago and are malfunctioning madly…
jamie foxx is more douchbaggy than JT? impressive!
MTV doesn’t care about Black Comedians.
Oh, wait…
gym class…fall out…?
who invited jennifer garner?
i’m sure the vmas have been great for anyone in those performance rooms. other than that, america has lost the war on terror
i guess it’s not surprising that ms. south carolina can’t read from a teleprompter!
That was pathetic.
i feel so bad for mark ronson right now
that miss sc bit was pretty god awful… but really, everything in this whole show has been an epic disaster
i feel disgusting after watching this. I need to shower. Mark Ronson was the only good thing about this event.
that guy in the crowd at the foos show is neither Jesus, nor Ted Nugent, but my Uncle Steve 25 years ago. FACT.
EPIC DISASTER–totally. amazing, amazingly bad.
who’s the ‘surprise performer’?
Mark Ronson needs to go back to his dayjob spinning tunes for the clientele at Chuck-E-Cheese.
Like most of today’s unoriginal producers, he will do anything for quick money and fame…..fucking anything.
when did dr. dre become a wrestler? he looks disgusting, sorry. i’m not into it.
so the musical master is Dr. Dre in a muscle suit?
At this point I feel like shouting out the N-word at my television.
Who’s with me?
i guess we couldn’t expect justice to win. would have been awesome. oh well.
Dre is JACKED UP. Did he just come from the gym? Is he wearing sweatpants?
ella ella ella eh mehhhhhhh
dr. dre is pumping iron??
this show is getting more retarded and retarded every year.
Marry me Rihanna
justice not winning is bologna. then again this entire night was a giant load so what does it really matter?
is it wrong to pray for a rihanna nip slip?
i like how so many people sound surprised that this show sucked. it’s like being surprised to see britney spears in your local gas station barefooted, high, and eating pork rinds.
so kid rock and tommy lee really had a fight?
Mastadon & Josh Homme are confusing the crowd with their rock.
damn…justice didn’t win…anyone remember when this show actually awarded innovative videos? and by that i don’t mean ballerina hookers dancing with umbrellas (how clever) while some sort of melted terminator falls on them.
rock violence?
That neutrogena party was hopping! Take that Kanye.
It’s all a dream, really.
The Disney Chanel – live from the Apollo.
Party at Diddy’s! 32nd floor.
von kramer–no one is with you. gross.
what about chris martin?? wasn’t he supposed to perform?
Who are these people with Nelly Furtado and Timbaland? Is that Tyra Banks?
nelly furtado’s lyrics are so profound and give such a great message to the youth of america
happy thoughts, happy thoughts…
Once that Neutrogena Girl finally dies from AIDS, Neutrogena and other sponsors will start pullling out and we can start pulling the plug on this boring annual debacle.
JT’s back. Oh, thank God.
He’s even got a hanky in his pocket. He clearly means business.
no madonna??
this song is worse than Addams Grove
if i say ‘yeah’ will they stop?
i love the stable of like five people they kept forcing to perform over and over and over.
thank god that’s over.
oh my god, that was terrible. wtf was that?!?!?
That sucked. I wish Bette Midler hosted.
this furtimbalake stuff is just getting incestuous
i wonder how many shitty celebrity bloggers are going to be claiming that britney spears KILLED IT and that sarah silverman was soooo over the line by making fun of her retarded children
so many highlights? come on!
Shoot me
Anybody else notice the Handsome Furs snippet? Or am I crazy?
why is britney even wearing a microphone?
The guy who wasn’t Lil Wayne who was rapping was Pharrell, I believe.
wait, does britney have a cold sore?
dear west coast people:
please stop watching this, you will only get a headache. watch old episodes of home movies on tv links or like an episode of cops or something.
love
c
I can’t get on PerezHilton. Haaa.
dear west coast people, change the channel. love, the east coast.
wait, are they airing the show again?? i thought they said they weren’t going to do that??
[awkward pause]
this whole experience was a mind clusterfuck.
MTV is liars! I thought this was supposed to only be once! I couldve watched Curb your Enthusiasm
Best VMAs, ever! So sexy. So thrilling. So OMG!
Now I’m gonna go log into PerezHilton, read the rest of my new US Weekly, text message my friends for a couple of hours, and then do a bunch of stupid gay shit for the rest of my life!
Yeah!
Truth McKenzie wins
I made Britney’s career disappear!
Look, call me crazy, but I’d still have sex, rubberless, with Britney. I bet she’d cry like Sharon Stone in Sliver when that Baldwin brother gives it to her.
watched with the tv sound on mute. mades me wanna join up with the tally-ban. the soooouul train. only thing missing was don cornelius as mc – bet your last cash money it’s gonna be a stone gas honey.
I always thought Porn Awards, always started their show with the back of a blonde whore.
^^^^^^^
The Vox of Fratboy America has spoken.
Britney looked like she was doing an exercise video.
The show lacked muscle.
Wait, no, thats not true…
The show lacked DAUGHTRY. Yeah, that’s it.
Britney looked like she was doing an exercise video … in slow motion?
Did MTV even play music videos this year? Cause the channel is saturated with reality show marathons of people I wanna stab in the eye. And why were the Foo Fighters playing in a closet? Disgraceful!
“TMZ has learned that the Las Vegas Police Department are on the hunt for Kid Rock after he allegedly “clocked” Tommy Lee at the MTV VMAs in Las Vegas Sunday night. According to security at the Palms Hotel, where the awards took place, the LVPD has asked for Rock’s room number at the hotel and any leads they might have regarding his current whereabouts.”
gosh, i dunno what was worse, this year’s vma’s or high school musical 2. i think the latter was slightly better.
the only salvation of this show – superbad!
Britney looked like she was doing an exercise video … in molasses?
Britney looked like molasses
sarah silverman, it’s okay. wait until you’re a mom and people laugh at your kids coz they look like an ass like you! then i’ll have the last laugh.
as for my performance, mtv coerced me to do it! they told me if i didn’t screw up and dress like a bitch, then they would not play my videos. they tricked me! i totally forgot, they DON’T play videos! i know i looked stoned but that’s totally me. someone please put me in rehab!
Am I the only one that thought the award show was totally awesome and bangin?
So when is the foo fighters album gonna leak?
PSSSSSSSSSSSTTTT
How come it was completely dark at 6pm Las Vegas time?
Could it be that most of those “live” performances were taped the previous night?
Ya didn’t hear it from me…
Possibly the worst thing MTV has ever broadcast. I know that’s a bold statement, but I think it’s warranted. Sure Pat & The Foo Fighters and Cee Lo & Dave & Taylor and Mastodon with Josh Homme were good, but they glossed over it so quickly that it almost looked like a production mistake.
And when did Sarah Silverman become a sad parody of herself?
the jesus lookin guy in the crowd for the dead kennedys cover was orby from whitestarr/vh1′s the rock life
Wow Alicia Keys. Please stfu. Mark Ronson…c’mere.
sarah silverman – boooooooooooooooooooooooo!
i hope she just threw her career away with her ridiculously mean and insensitive jokes.
true as they might be.
In regards to Britney, so says PerezHilton talk back:
“Britney threatened to ditch her VMA performance just minutes before she took the stage. Want to know why? Britney overheard Sarah Silverman rehearsing her monologue in which she calls Britney?s babies mistakes and takes jab after jab at Britney.
Britney made it very clear with MTV that Sarah was NOT allowed to talk about her kids, and MTV agreed. That big-mouthed bitch said it anyway.
Sam Lufti (VMA producer) was overheard backstage screaming at Sarah Silverman because of her outrageous remarks saying: ?Sarah Silverman is a seriously unprofessional person to make fun of infants to get a laugh.?
…oh Stereogum. Will you dig for truth, justice and all things fair?!