Oct 6th '11 by @ 4:24pm 16 Comments

Like it could be anybody else? Anytime Kanye West has appeared on network television, he’s seized the opportunity with a recklessness that’s solely Kanye-ian. There’s plenty of easy jabs to establish here -- “Aaron Rodgers, I’mma let you finish, but …” or “Roger Goodell doesn’t care about black people,” -- but I trust Ye to come up with something fresh, offensive, jarring and special. This would also serve as a good bridge to the inevitable Kanye West/Jay Cutler friendship. - Corban
As NFL-themed studio shows have become more over-the-top, visually and hyperbolically with regards to well-tread clichés, who does sensationalist bombast better than Gaga? You know Gaga could find some kind of “high art” rationale for doing this, perhaps a critique on the state of blue-collar America? And, like the NFL, Gaga is a glorious artifice that’s a touch hollow in meaning. Did I just say that? FOOTBALL! - CorbanShellac’s Steve Albini is so well-known as a contrarian curmudgeon that I can’t talk myself into a reasonable opinion on what he would do if he were offered the gig. Something makes me thing he’d do it, and it’d be a long, dire chant of a song that would phrase the NFL in a pretty grim light. Oh, and if the New York Giants are involved, fuck that. New York is just a high-powered magnet for runner-ups, anyways. - CorbanMaybe I’m alone on this, but I would gladly entertain a hypersexual, episodic ‘Monday Night Football’ intro. If you’ve ever watched an ‘NFL Films’ presentation, you know that the NFL loves to pump up the storylines, and man, does Kels know how to tell a story. Even if it doesn’t make a ton of sense, and the back half is sort of a complete, unintelligible mishmash, his heart’s in the right place. He would totally rep the Bears hard though. Real talk. - CorbanThe show's opening could use some new blood. And when I saw "new blood," I obviously mean geysers and geysers of it, spurting in every direction while someone yells the word "swag" at you over and over. It's what the kids are into! - Tom
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As you may have heard, country music lifer Hank Williams, Jr. has parted ways with Monday Night Football, the TV show he spent 20 years singing the intro for, just because he made a totally calm and reasonable parallel between Barack Obama and Adolf Hitler. (He also compared John Boehner to Netanyahu? Whatever.) If you haven’t seen the clip of Williams crashing and burning on Fox And Friends, it’s absolutely worth your three minutes and 31 seconds, if only for the three anchors’ amazing facial expressions during the pivotal moment.

In any case, the suits at ESPN had the temerity to pull Old Bocephus from this week’s broadcast, and Williams has responded by splitting from the show forever, giving a weirdly capitalized statement about it: “After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run.” Indeed.

The saddest part of all this, of course, is that Williams’ MNF theme was so great! The random stock party footage? The thing where he works both teams’ names into the song? The entire concept of Williams and his rowdy friends? All irreplaceable. Thankfully, we still have plenty of cool, levelheaded musical types who could step into Hank’s shoes and cause no controversy at all. Here are a few of them.

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Comments (16)
  1. MikeyObviously  |   Posted on Oct 6th, 2011 +1

    I would LIKE to see The Nuge or possibly Alice Cooper.

    We will probably end up with Toby Keith though…

    Reply
  2. wordcore  |   Posted on Oct 6th, 2011 +7

    I don’t think he understands the first amendment. It doesn’t entitle you to a licensing deal with ESPN.

    Reply
  3. Scott  |   Posted on Oct 6th, 2011 +1

    #11 Courtney Love

    Reply
  4. godsdog  |   Posted on Oct 6th, 2011 +6

    Michael Vick And The Machine “Dog Days Are Over”

    Reply
  5. MikeyObviously  |   Posted on Oct 6th, 2011 +3

    Wait…what if they get Bruce? That would be awesome. I feel like the words to “Badlands” could be redone in an NFL theme.

    Reply
  6. raptor jesus  |   Posted on Oct 6th, 2011 +3

    Tyler, The Creator WISHES he had as much swagger as Hank Williams Jr.

    Hank’s song is irreplaceable. But if they do replace it, it will DEFINITELY be a country singer.

    “The way she goes Bubs. Way she goes.”

    Reply
  7. Stephen Berry  |   Posted on Oct 7th, 2011 0

    I vote for Cap’n Geech and The Shrimp Shack Shooters!

    Reply
  8. kafkaesque12  |   Posted on Oct 7th, 2011 +2

    I’d vote for Andrew WK, but he may get America a little too ready for some football. That’s just too much testosterone in one place.

    “Yes, you better believe I’m f***ing READY!” *smashes brick on nose*

    Reply
  9. Ian Rayfield  |   Posted on Oct 8th, 2011 0

    hopefully marky mark and the funky bunch

    Reply
  10. drgonzo  |   Posted on Oct 9th, 2011 +1

    Steve Reich: Music for 18 Football Players

    Reply
  11. sean6869  |   Posted on Nov 3rd, 2011 -1

    I hope enough time has gone by so everyone had a chance to actually LISTEN to the quote, he wasn’t comparing the people, just the idea of two people who couldn’t be more different doing something together. Oh well, lets go watch more Jersey Shore and have our IQs drop a little more.

    Reply

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