In today’s Listomania, we unveil our favorite 10 bands who have a member that doesn’t play or do anything, and that’s no intended sleight to these critical players, whether they be hypemen, “vibes managers,” or just token old dudes to round out a musical family. Honorable mention goes out to Broken Social Scene’s fourth guitar player, or to any band who has more guitarists than three — we’ve ran the numbers, and there’s a huge marginal decline after that third guitarist. Anyway, check out the list and let us know who we might have missed in the comments.
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An omission it broke my heart to make: Tom Breihan playing this role in his HS band American Substandard.
Sweet JNCOs and Kangol cap, Tom. Did you get that choker from The Dancing Bear?
Nope! Petsmart! (It’s a dog chain wrapped around twice.)
I’m surprised you missed the most embarrassing fashion decision in that photo: The Magic 8Ball keychain hanging from the wallet chain.
RIP to Kris Soares on the guitar right there. I miss that kid.
Dang it, why no Bez in dis list???
Yeah, as far as I’m concerned this list should be called Top 9 Bands With a Bez!
Whoops, technical error — that was first on our list. Will re-add…
I think Dap got promoted to rapper. Pretty sure he had a few verses when I saw them at Pitchfork fest.
Yeah and I’d like to assume that he’s releasing a Mix-tape sometime this year.
Plus his verse on Speaking In Tongues kicked ass.
Buy a jumpsuit, look christian and get on the bus at the right time and you can also be a member of the Polyphonic Spree!
Reading the line, “Someone in the Polyphonic Spree, probably,” made me audibly giggle like a schoolgirl. The whole library is now concerned.
Bez from Happy Mondays
crazy dancer but not as crazy as Anthony Hodgkinson aka the Dancing Tony but yeah still, as an official member of the band we could say Bez deserves to be in the top .
9 members that don’t play anything…sounds like Slipknot
ZING
Also that dude from Fugazi that wears the skirt and dances around.
actually Guy Piccioto is also guitarrist and singer
Not who I am referring to
Charlie!!
Lana Del Rey.
But isn’t she playing the whole music world right now?
snap
How does that woman’s name get the most upvotes in this thread?
Oooooooooooooo hype.
Because mentioning the musical Janice Dickinson is a “hot topic.” Speaking of Hot Topic, when will LDR take that over as well? Or are there already shirts with massive botoxed lips on them already?
I love Taka, especially the fact that most of the time it’s not even a proper flag he’s waving around but a trashbag connected to a stick or even a paper tower roll. Anything he can find.
It’s hard to watch anything else when it’s happening. They play awesome shows. But I rarely take my eyes off that flag wavin, blanket draping, shifty dancing man.
I remember reading a review of a band playing live, I think I read it in the NME, and it talked about this otherwise unremarkable band who had one member whose sole job was to dance, take his clothes off and cover himself in gold paint while the rest of the band played.
Unfortunately I can’t remember what they were called, but that sounds fucking awesome
Sounds like Of Montreal, actually.
I think it’s Rammstein:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxO_tWyeFWs
Make sure to watch the WHOLE video (especially from three minutes and on). Definitely NSFW.
Wait, that’s not gold paint.
Seriously this list is a joke without Bez. How did you miss that! He was an integral part of the whole Happy Mondays persona…
dude, did you SEE the pavement reunion? bob fuckin’ nostanovich’s hype duties basically made that show.
If Bobby N was included here, that would mean the tambourine isn’t an instrument, which would be a damned lie. The tambourine is vital! Vital I say!
He also plays harmonica. Sometimes.
I’M TRYING I’M TRYING I’M TRYING I WILL TRY
Too late for the list, and I could be remembering this wrong, but did Rusted Root have somebody whose whole job was to bang two sticks together?
Ringo!!!!!
He was Mr. Conductor! Stop it.
To be fair, Mr. Conductor didn’t really do anything either. Thomas and Edward did most of the heavy lifting iirc.
I saw Gang Gang Dance this summer and thought to myself, “Weird, is this dude going to contribute anything to the music?” After ten minutes, I realized that I watched him more than any other member of the band and immediately rescinded my original judgement.
i just spent 20 minutes looking for a direct link to a photo of this guy. damn you flickr for making me post a link.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/70243150@N00/232058685/sizes/z/
lol and is that pic from his Bonnaroo set back in like 2007? Cause that’s totally who I was thinking of when I saw this list
i’m not sure what it’s from, i just googled “beck dancing guy.” i was hoping for a shot from the guero-era snl performance
First person I thought of! Love that guy.
Peter Sinfield.
And Joel Gion should get two spots, ’cause he was the only reason to watch the movie.
Scott Weiland
I was expecting to see Cloud Cult’s two painters on this list.
One of Bruce Springsteen’s early bands used to have two guys who just sat at onstage playing checkers at every show.
Yeah but they “played” checkers.
Bez for Prez!
A guy who plays a tambourine still plays something.
And.
PUBLIC ENEMY #1
What about Theo Van Rock, the live sound engineer for The Rollins Band?
The girl from Butthole Surfers (when they were good) who would stand on stage naked and have sex with Gibby on-stage.
Well, maybe she was playing an instrument.
tambourine and maracas are instruments you can play
nice job leaving out flavor flav and leeroy thornhill too
Josh Graham as visual artist for Neurosis
Wojtek Dmochowski of the awesome Blue Aeroplanes. What a dancer!
LOL Tolhurst (the Cure)
If tambourines and maracas don’t count as playing something, I guess we could also count Martin Swope.
But really my first thought was Public Enemy’s Professor Griff and S1W.
There could be a top 10 of Gwar members that don’t play anything. Sexecutioner, Sleazy P. Martini, Slymenstra Hymen, Gor-Gor, or anyone from their army of onstage slaves.
When I was in Jr High in the late 80s, my school actually hired a third tier butt rock band to play an assembly for us. They were called “The Edge”. I remember distinctly that they had some guy who was dressed like the rest of the band (but he also was sporting a pretty mean skullette), sanding on one of the stacks, shaking his hips, grinning, and playing air guitar. He did that through the whole show. AIR GUITAR! I wonder why I never heard from them again.
does anyone know what the fuck geologist does in animal collective?
When they all came out with induvidual tracks for those shoes they designed his was by far the weak link so you might be onto something.
When I saw them he was definitely doing something. What that “something” was though, no one will ever know.
Andy Fletcher from Depeche Mode?
Keith Flint and Maxim in The Prodigy eventually started adding vocals, but they’re pretty borderline.
Jamie Hewlett?
The Prodigy Dancers, who I hear are dead.
Oh yeah, and Jed Hoile, the mime who used to tour with Howard Jones.
And the S1W, as others have stated.
Gang Gang Dance does not have a useless member! The guy on the front left serves a purpose by holding up an exotic oriential drum piece so someone else can play it.
I can’t believe that Sid Vicious isn’t on this list! And beyond that, this post has been here for two days and no one has even mentioned him!
I mean, I guess he was “supposed to” be playing an instrument. But I don’t think that counts when they always just unplugged him.
Jerome Benton of The Time. He dances and handles Morris Day’s mirror. And that’s about it.
Fred Nemo danced for Sub Pop artists HAZEL, and he was great.
WHAT ABOUT THE BECK GUY?
Richey Edwards, far as I know, only contributed one chord to the entire output of the Manic Street Preachers whilst he was still around, and was famously unplugged for the majority of the band’s sets.
pigpen?
Ok they are called “Vocal” I see
Does going on stage whilst playing two notes on a synth, plugging in a laptop or fiddling with a tambourine exclude individuals?
Paul Rutherford of Frankie Goes To Hollywood.