A Letter From Avril Lavigne To You, Her Fans
Our favorite cigar-smoking muthaflippin' princess has had herself a rough week, starting with the Rubinoos' claim that "Girlfriend" ripped off a song of theirs, to which Avril replied via forum post and made a most compelling argument defending the lyrics in common: "As humans we speak one language."
But her deft wordsmithery didn't shield her from attack #2: Is "I Don't Have To Try" just a rip of Peaches' "I'm The Kinda"? (Watch the YouTube.)Maybe so or maybe not, but Av didn't help her case by telling InStyle that "I'm The Kinda" was her #1 favorite song of all time.
So all we've been thinking is, "Avril, what are you thinking?" And rather magnanimously, Ms. Lavigne wrote us a letter (not true), addressed to you, to clear the air.
To all my fans:It's me, Avril. A few weeks ago, I wrote you all a letter about a little "problem" I was having with a former friend who claimed I had ripped off one of her songs. It was a real pain in the ass for a while there, but then I ran into her at the Viper room and my "attorney" totally put a cigarette out on her forehead and it was like, spurious accusations retracted or whatever and everything was cool after that.
But now I'm writing again, because a bunch of dirty YouTube haters are accusing me of ripping off a song by Peaches. Lies! Total lies! I write all the songs and music that aren't written for me by my label. And I write my songs in the human language, not dirty whore! I've never even heard that Peaches song in my life!
People will say "But Avril, you put the Peaches song in your top five best favorite songs ever." And "Avril, you love Peaches." All of that is true. I think Peaches is an amazing artist -- a real hero of mine. I own all of her albums, and I've seen all of her videos. I even named my vagina after her! How punk rock is that?But the songs are completely different! Did they even listen to the lyrics? Hers is about being a bitch, and mine is about pants. Pants! Those are two totally different things. I mean, hello?
As far as the drum track goes -- yeah, we totally stole that!
Fuck you all,
Avril
Posted at 12:59 PM
Tags: Avril Lavigne | Peaches
my head hurts.
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dr luke is fukked.
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I wonder if Avril's lawyers are gonna send Stereogum a letter demanding that this fabrication be removed.
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So, when I run into her vagina on the street, I'll know what to say to get its attention.
... Man, that was the most incriminating and retarded response to an accusation ever.
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she had me at "I mean, hello?"
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you made that up, didn't you...
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Avril Lavigne's vagina is named "Peaches." She refers to her vagina as "Peaches." Peaches. Peaches. Peaches. I don't feel good about it, and I don't feel bad about it. I think I wish I didn't know. I can't get it out of my numb head. "You know the name of Avril Lavigne's intake valve. It's Peaches. Peaches. Peaches."
I need to lay down.
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Is this real? Well, it probably isn't, but I can imagine Avril being that *ahem* "eloquent."
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People. This is a work of fiction. And may God help you.
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yeah, but Avril's the one who wears the pants. And she's the "mothafuckin princess". So sit down, Peaches.
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I hope Avril Lavigne gives birth to a severely disabled child at some point during her life. THEN I'd like to see her calling her vagina 'peaches'. Yeah....ha, yeah, then I'd like to see it.
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this is beginning to sound an awful lot like vanilla ice explaining that his bassline in "ice, ice baby" contained an additional note when compared to the queen/bowie collaboration, 'under pressure'.
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seth gets the prize!
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yay, i'm clever!!
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god love her....what an idiot bless her little dipshit heart
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I will need to stop eating peaches now. thanks a lot stereogum.
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who made this up -- you guys, or someone else?
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Wait...she never heard of the Clash or David Bowie before she became famous but she likes Peaches? I suppose we can try to extract some sort of "She's learning" lesson out of her career...but then you look at that letter and you hear her songs and you realize no, there is nothing being learned here at all and never has there been anything learned and good god why am I talking about Avril Lavigne?
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Who writes a song about pants?
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Only the now dead "hardest working man in show bidnits"
HOT PANTS- JAMES BROWN
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her peach probably has the stuble of Dustin Hoffman in Straw Dogs
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Wasn't that comment a bit obscure?
sorry- we are all obscurists(pretty much)
-I Love Google!
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wait, so "being a bitch" and "pants" aren't the same thing?
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Hey, amrit, I called it first. If Seth wasn't first, for justice I thirst. Expect to receive papers from me in the morning.
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i killed jonnie cochrane.
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well that's not very punk rock at all.
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O.J., you dumbass! It wasn't me you killed, it was your ex-wife and that unfortunate waiter who happened to be at her place.
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well.... this brings up two very good questions.
First,
I like that peaches song? Do I like that Avril song?
I mean they are essentially the exact same.
Secondly,
I'd rather fuck Avril... it sux that Peaches is so nasty but sounds like such a hot little whore.
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Okay, so if Avril steals her songs, who wrote her letter?
Ernest Hemingway?
Alistair Cooke?
Katie Couric, 'cause that would be weird if she named her Fromunda "Peaches".
DwD
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This reminds me how great an album "Fatherfucker" was. Simpler times.
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Is naming your vagina "Peaches" really that punk rock?
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hahahaha
avril is such a loser.She is such an idiot...just so stupid.She can't even write a letter.
"how punk rock is that?" lol.....who ever even said she was punk rock in the 1st place.... besides a bunch of 12 year old girls singing her disgusting song girlfriend ?
Shes so un-original.
and its just so nice to tell your fans(if she actually has any)"fuck you all" wow...thats so nice.Avril is such an asshole.
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Just a little reminder (quoting Clinton, a few lines above) :
People. This is a work of fiction. And may God help you.
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All i could think of when i read that she named her vag peaches was that Presidents of the United States song...
"millions of peaches, peaches for free..."
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To whoever wrote this "letter from Avril":
I LOVE YOU. Please make more fake journals from Avril, this made me laugh so hard.
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Someone shoot her already.
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" I've never even heard that Peaches song in my life!"
"People will say "But Avril, you put the Peaches song in your top five best favorite songs ever." And "Avril, you love Peaches." All of that is true. I think Peaches is an amazing artist -- a real hero of mine. I own all of her albums, and I've seen all of her videos."
So if she owns them all doesn't that mean she HAS heard it? What a dumbass. I always hated her. She's a total poser and she sucks at everything she does. At the beginning of her career she tried to be a rockin' bitch like Brody Dalle but now all you see is her dancing around..what happened to that guitar?
She knows nothing and has no talent.
And she's also bad at lying.
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"As far as the drum track goes -- yeah, we totally stole that!"
so that means she has heard it evne though she says she's never heard it.
i hate that bitch.
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anyone who has seen Avril Lavigne interviewed on Popworld would know this could not have been written by her. it has far too much personality in it.
Most people roll with the mildly surreal punches on Popworld, but not Avril. she was a like an incredible awkward little cat with a stone brain.
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WOW,she can say express when Avril tells her life i wuld leave "I named my vagina peaches" out of the story Avril has a tallent but u can call her a women but i still see the tomboy she is still the same you culd say and well Avril's life is suposly "Fine" but she has gone to far now i love her like a close friend but wut joke is this id like to see her evren trie i mean wut a drag i feel so sorry bye bye's ~Ashley~
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Avril didn't write this trash.
~rachel eagle reiter~
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Avril didn't write this trashy letter, and whoever did has a twisted sense of humor .
~rachel eagle reiter~
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Nice little disclaimer, with your: 'not true'...however, your misrepresentation of Avril Lavigne, taints her good reputation and it doesn't display maturity on your part.
rachel
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Peaches and cream anyone?
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Her peach is probably like that bear trap in Straw Dogs. You know the one, and what it does.
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I think ~rachel eagle reiter~ is trying to tell us something
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what happend here lol ?
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dear avril i think u r the best singer ever my momlikes when your gone U REALLY ROCK
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What a total fabrication, stereo gum has sunk to a new low, are you sure this isn't from the national equirer.
Avril has alway been nice to her fans!
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I love peaches, they're sweet and tasty, and when ya suck on 'em just right, the juice runs down yer chin and yer face gets all sticky sweet. YUM! (sorry I know this is SO outdated, butI couldn't resist!)
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hi avril you are my best singer and i am 10 and i lolve you a lot i spent all my b day munny on you albms bye have a nice day from arabella simons
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... I really love Avril and i hate stupid persons who talk
shit about her... She is the best... this time i say hallllloooo
to all her fans.....
......WISH YOU THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!......
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hi! AVRIL RAMONA LAVIGNE
how are you?:)
i wish ur ok.'
you know deryck,i really don;t like him for you,'
coz i can feel that you really like EVAN,.rigth?
i hope EVAN and you will be Tother again..
because i can feel that you really love each other.
and i know.that EVAN still love you..
i wish in the future you will be together..
coz,.I really like you both!
and,'i wish you could read this message,..
if you read it,i'm the luckies fan in the world!
coz..i really like you..
and i wish YOU and EVAN will be together FOREVER...
I hope that you could read this message..
I'M THE NO. 1 FAN OF AVRIL AND EVAN!!!
I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!
and i really wish that you like this message,.
avril...coz'i really like you...yourc my no.1 idol,.
if you don't believe then check out my friendster..
phunk_drea14@yahoo.com
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