Britney Spears Loses Custody Of The Kids, We Brace For Terrible Monologue Jokes (And Hear New Song "Piece Of Me")
Another banner day for Brit. Via CNN:
A court has ordered pop singer Britney Spears to give up custody of her children effective Wednesday at noon.They say you won't want to change your life until you've hit your absolute lowest point. Kevin Federline being deemed a more fit parent than you? Welcome to rock bottom, Britney! But there's collateral damage involved when something like this happens: the late night talk shows become a minefield of Brit quip bombs. In honor of tonight's punchlines, here's our stupid monologue joke predictor...Spears' former husband, Kevin Federline, is to retain custody of their two sons "until further order of the court," according to a ruling by Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon.
It was not clear what led to Monday's decision awarding Federline full custody. A transcript of the court proceedings was ordered sealed.
LENO: Did you see this? Did you read about this? Britney Spears lost custody of her kids to Kevin Federline. True story. Unfortunately for Britney, this means the kids will only be available to drive her around the first and third Saturday of every month.Those are horribly lame, so feel free to join the fun and predict one liners for Carson Daly, Jimmy Kimmel, and Craig Ferguson. Or you could listen to the newly leaked, not-terrible-but-pretty-boring, vaguely J-Lo sounding Britney single "Piece Of Me" at BritneyFans.org. But mostly, we wanna hear your bad jokes.CONAN: Did you hear that Britney Spears today lost a custody battle to ex-husband Keven Federline? Yeah. Apparently, Spears was really upset that the judge wouldn't accept her first choice for legal guardian: MC Scat Kat.
LETTERMAN: So you know I was clicking on the www, ya know on the internet, there? And I saw a headline that said "Britney Spears Loses Children In Court." And I thought, well, that's not so bad. At least it's safer than where she usually loses them: at the gas station.
Posted at 6:20 PM
Tags: Britney Spears | Conan O'Brien | Dave Letterman | Jay Leno | Kevin Federline
Wow. That song sounds like J.Lo meets Hostel.
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The sad thing is that your imaginary Leno's funnier than the real Leno.
DwD
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okay. stereogum just gained major points with the monologue jokes. that mostly makes up for reviewing the new dashboard confessional album, but not quite for assuming the "meg white sex tape" was in fact a meg white sex tape. you're getting there! i believe in you!
ps. HOLYFUCKINGSHIT IN RAINBOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 9 DAYS WTF OMG IN RAINBOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oooohhh, sick burn!
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That's gold stereogum, gold! But the thing is some of these shows may not have punchlines tonight for this story since they are filmed during the day, so there's that.
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Wow, that track sounded about as good as my grandma's farts on a cold December morn.
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LENO: Did you see this? Did you read about this? Britney Spears lost custody of her kids to Kevin Federline. True story. Unfortunately for Britney, this means the kids will only be available to drive her around the first and third Saturday of every month...
Of every month! Every month! [kid's voice] Okay mom, you heard the judge, the first and third Saturday of every month! Every month, you heard the man! It's just, y'know, every month.
So uh, anywaaay.
Okay, NOW it's a Jay Leno monologue.
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I feel a drinking game coming on tonight. "Skip", good point, but everything went down around 3:30 (our time) out here in LA, Leno could manage it if he wanted. I'd much rather hear Letterman though, especially after he interview-raped Hilton the other night.
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'J. Lo meets Hostel'=amazing.
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LEAVE LENO ALOOOOONE!
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GOOD!
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britney or kevin, oww... poor kids will probably become mad themselves before they learn how to say "screwed either way"
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Carson Daly: And, uh... I'm sure you've ALL heard about Britney Spears... losing custody of her children to Kevin Federline... yeah. It wasn't the bad parenting, though... She actually popped in a copy of her 2001 movie, Crossroads... terrible movie.
Jimmy Kimmel: So Britney lost custody of her kids to ex-husband Kevin Federline today. What you may not know is that Britney's kids will one day lose custody of their children as well. Apparently Kevin Federline will forget to teach them about the dangers of incest. (Awkward laughter.) Hey Uncle Frank, are you the product of incest?
Craig Ferguson: (I've never bothered to watch Craig Ferguson, so I'm at a loss.)
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"...and speaking of being the picture of irresponsibility, did anyone know that the State Department's report on Blackwater was done by a contractor for Blackwater?"
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Craig doesn't make jokes about Britney because he's worried about her. (He explained this in a fairly poignant monologue.)
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i just wanted to point out.....if anyone hit the link after the jump for the britney track......have you looked at that picture of her at the top of the page? aside from the fact that the onesie she's wearing makes her look like she has a penis, it is literally the least flattering pose anyone could ever assume.
what happened to her representation? who is she taking career advice from? they should get their own talk show. they would certainly deliver better monologues than leno.
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Craig Ferguson refrains from Britney jokes. He sympathizes with her when recall his own troubled past.
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