Coldplay Excitedly Reveal Their "Plagiarist's Paradise"
Coldplay try damn hard (and usually unsuccessfully) to be epic in their tunes, although they've effortlessly achieved grandiosity in their breathtaking qualitative nosedive (assuming they've ever had redeeming qualities to burn, which may or may not be true). Regardless, we're genuinely intrigued to hear what Brian Eno's production does to their star-gazing balladry. If you couldn't get into 'em 'cause they sounded like watered down Radiohead, fear not -- they're over all that. They're moving on to shoegazer and hip hop pilfering now.
Via Rolling Stone:
[Chris] Martin loves technology as much as Kip Dynamite — he and the band have spent hours on their computers referencing their favorite works, for their own sordid purposes."We can be working on something and go, ‘We should steal this from My Bloody Valentine and this from Rammstein and this from Jay-Z’s first album, and then listen to this classical piece by Holst,'" he says. "It’s a plagiarist’s paradise. We used to just be able to steal off Radiohead. Now we can steal off everybody."Chris if you steal from Jay-Z, you're gonna make Kanye crazy jealous. Have you not heard "Big Brother"? Yeah, the Radiohead/Travis retread shtick was pretty tired from the get-go, but don't stop just yet -- there's at least one way in which we'd like to see you shamelessly steal from Thom & Co.'s ingenuity. (Hint.)
Posted at 4:03 PM
Tags: Coldplay
You know how I know you're gay? You listen to Coldplay.
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Wouldn't the statement "We Really, REALLY Hate Coldplay" be a lot shorter and more succinct than this post?
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Yeah, seriously. We get it, you're too cool for this. Although we could have figured that out without reading the post, since Stereogum basically became the pulse of generic hipster posturing this year.
What happened?
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Oh! They are so relevant and "indie"! My Bloody Valentine. Like a Coldplay song is going to sound like Jay-Z or MBV...C'mon! Shut up. That's just dumb. C'mon. Chit. Pshhh. Hmmpf. Khihkt. Huh. Well then.
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pick your battles, dom. i'm not saying stereogum's always perfect (though mostly on the money) but don't try and start a mutiny built on coldplay love. that's weak sauce brosephus. you lose.
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Will does have a point, I mean there are two things that will cause you to have to relinquish your hipster card:
1) You like Coldplay.
2) You don't like Radiohead.
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Aw, c'mon guys. I was just looking for an excuse to quote "Knocked Up".
But yeah, seriously...Coldplay is pretty boring.
:ducks:
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Hmm...wrong Apatow movie Scott. Btw Coldplay's got some pretty good tunes. Yeah I said it so what?
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Fuck this hipster bullshit. I kinda like Coldplay. Not a lot, mind, but seriously, they're not completely devoid of good songs. This shtick is overplayed. "Coldplay sucks because they don't make cool music, they're hella mainstream, they're serious, metrosexual, blah blah blah..." Seriously, get off it. Let's just be free to like what we happen to like.
There is no hipster card, there is no indie cred. You're born, you live, then you die right along with your treasured indie cred. Fuck it. It's nonsense.
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I'll admit it, Coldplay isn't exactly my cup of tea, but the post felt way too much like it was rooting around for hipster approval. "Coldplay totally sucks now huh? Right guys? Guys?"
I feel like the real "qualitative nosedive" occured when Stereogum become a warped caricature of the insecure hipster yippie we were all warned to stay away from.
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the other matthew pretty much just nailed life :(
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The most hipsterish people I know all express their disdain for hipsters, and vehemently deny being anything of the sort themselves.
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Word, Other Matthew. Word.
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you're trying way too hard, stereogum.
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none of the above will matter.
thrice alchemy index will be out in 8 days. and in 8 days, all bands including coldplay will perish from the face of the earth and alchemy index discs will become our currency.
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Yeah! We're so INDIESSSH! Fuck Coldplay!
...now read our review of the new Dashboard Confessional album.
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I like Coldplay.
I like radiohead.
I like music.
I don't care if it is Dr. Dog or Justin Timberlake. If you've got the songs, you've got the songs. Lay off the Haterade Stereogum.
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jump back to 5 years ago and I bet all these people bashing coldplay were cumming all over the place about them in their livejournals.
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ha! liam got it right on!
talk to the hand, coldplay. because the 'gum is not listening.
'in my place' has more balls and grace combined than most music on this blog.
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I used to love that show "Balls and Grace."
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goddamn stereogum commenters have shitty taste in music
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LOL at "(and usually unsuccessfully)" and "(assuming they've ever had redeeming qualities to burn, which may or may not be true)". Why, Stereogum, must you qualify everything you say? Have some balls and state it straight out: we honestly want to know what Coldplay's next album will sound like. Now was that so hard?
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if i don't read blogs, i would have never known i was supposed to hate coldplay. now i know what to pretend to not like to fit in with the the cool kids. thanks. oh, please let me know as soon as possible as to when i should stop liking radiohead too.
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What Win Butler said.
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The Stereogum readership is silly! It is silly like Coldplay!
But even though X&Y was really sleepy harmless stuff, I am moderately excited to hear the new stuff (I heart Brain One)
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I'm not a regular reader, so this may have been posted before...
But the average Stereogummer should really all check out "Admit It" by Say Anything...
Although most of you commenters seem to have caught on as well.
"Prototypical non-conformist
You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store Gestapo
You adhere to a set of standards and tastes
That appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges (bullshit)
Giving a thumbs up or thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art
Go analog baby, you’re so post-modern
You’re diving face forward into a antiquated path
It’s disgusting, its offensive don’t stick your nose up at me
You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends
Pontificating to each other forever competing for that one moment of self aggrandizing glory
In which you hog the intellectual spotlight
Holding dominion over the entire shallow pointless conversation
Oh we’re not worthy when you walk by a group of quote unquote normal people
You chuckle to yourself patting yourself on the back as you scoff
With the same superiority complex
Shared by the high school jocks who made your life a living hell
And makes you a slave to the competitive capitalist dogma
You spend every moment of your waking life bitching about
Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself?"
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Dammit, I meant "40 Year Old Virgin"!
Anyway, um, back to the Coldplay bashing!
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I guess it's the constant qualifying that I'm getting tired of. Every post starts with a recap of where the band currently resides on the hipster cool-o-meter, and then a series of excuses or ironic posturing. Really, we live in the age of the internet, where you can download an entire album and listen to it without even paying for it. You can have every album Pitchfork has ever raved about for free. Why do we keep acting as if your personal music collection is still some sort of sacred indicator of your core values and artistic sensibilities? My little brother has Fall Out Boy and Hot Chip on his ipod; Acting like your opinion of every single band is an important personal reflection of your level of coolness is an outdated and silly mode of thinking.
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While I admit X & Y was a less than stellar album, I still believe A Rush of Blood to the Head was a fantastic album that was one of the best of 2002. The fact that websites like stereogum sheepishly confess to not like them but yet still want to hear their new stuff only confirms that they don't want to lose their hipster fanbase by admitting that they have some respect for this band. It's OK- Get over it. Most of the people on this website won't admit to the stuff they listened to now by next year. I'd rather listened to Coldplay, who at least try to create music that will last over time (though sometimes unsuccessfully), than listen to bands who only want their five minutes of "cool" fame
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^
get ready skanks, it's time for the truth train!
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I hate Coldplay-bashing. Coldplay's music will withstand the test of time and will be enjoyed by generations to come, while all these indie-hipster groups will be no more than one-hit wonders...
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I agree with Mary:
Say what you will about X&Y and the current state of Coldplay, but Rush of Blood was one of 2002's best. It's a very good album.
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Yawn, Yawn - and that's about your journalism, not Coldplay. These days as soon as someone starts on the 'Coldplay are just so uncool' rant I just switch off. Why don't you just throw in a few waste-of-space references to Gwyneth Paltrow, yoga and vegetarianism and really write something old.
They have made some great music and have worked on collaborations with an interesting range of people. And if you have heard them live, they are actually exceptional. But people are so busy trying to be 'cool' these days that they forget they were the people who made them as big as they are. Just this pathetic 'too cool' attitude makes me want to run out and buy their next album.
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Only on Stereogum would the commenters rip Rilo Kiley a new one for making a "pop" album and then turn out in droves to defend Coldplay.
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hey remember when it was cool to like coldplay until they got big and now it's not?...here i thought being the alternative was about not caring about that. i am so confused, TELL US WHAT TO THINK, STEREOGUM!
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I hated, HATED the last Coldplay album, but have to agree with some posters that the first two albums were pretty good, and still hold up to repeated listens.
There are better bands than Coldplay, but there sure are a helluva lot more that are worse.
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Parachutes was the absolute bomb diggity.
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LEAVE COLDPLAY ALONE!
or
bro don't tase coldplay bro!
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This really isn't about Coldplay as much as it's about sgum's feelings about Coldplay.
And that hipster song sounds like something Larry the Cable Guy would write.
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I hate any music you've heard of.
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Are you people never happy?
If you don't want to read snide remarks about some band or other, then go to some other Christian rock fan-site (like Coldplay's site, maybe, where you can find out what else they're ripping off), but don't clog up the comment section with snide remarks about the snide remarks that upset you. It doesn't make sense. (But it is entertaining.)
Anyway, to get back on message, Coldplay are a bit lame. Look at what they did to Snow Patrol! Snow Patrol's first and second records were quite indebted to Sebadoh among others (and they weren't bad), and now they're like some sort of indie Bon Jovi. And it's all Coldplay's fault.
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Diss Coldplay all you like, but not Brian Eno.
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ya i don't get it. sure some of their new stuff is kind of lame, but 'parachutes' is a great album. and 'rush of blood' was one of the best released that year. so they've made some mis-steps... i don't really get why it's so cool to hate them.
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Blow Patrol? Really?
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Pitchfork will do the same thing that Stereogum is doing here w/ Coldplay: decide a band is somehow "cool" enough to merit their basic attention, but then just slam them every chance they get. If you don't like them, don't talk about them at all. It's a bit confusing, otherwise, and opens up a treasure-trove of artists that you can "hate" but still talk about all the time. Leave it alone.
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so, what's so new about bands pilfering other bands' ideas? oh, i get it: it's not cool just because it's coldplay. ahhhhh, clarity.
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Note to everyone posting comments: It doesnt make you cool to hate coldplay just becuase they are super-mainstream and sing light radiohead balads. If you gave them a chance you would see that there is more to their music then the non-stop radioplay. sadly, no one will give them a chance in the "indie/hipster" crowd. This Article just seemed like Anti-coldplay propaganda. and to all you anti-coldplay scenesters, shut up and go listen to "the hold steady" or whatever you are into this week.
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P.s.
X&Y was a great album. I think they over hyped "Fix You" as the huge song of the album, while in reality it was just averge, but overall there are some great tracks on the album. I do think a rush of blood to the head is their best album, but X&Y was one of the best albums of 05.
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That Say Anything song rules. Nice choice whoever posted that.
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Who knew such boring music could get people so furious? And who cares if Stereogum doesnt like Coldplay? Do they have to like every band y'all do? And the 'indie cred' shit is a red herring.. dudes who bitch about that are the ones who think about it way too much. These comments are insane. People are pissed because someone doesnt like a band that they do? How elitist is that?
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William2, marry me. Bet Stereogum's hits went way up with the Coldplay post, all the "haters" swarm anything "Coldplay", wonder why that is. I love Coldplay, guess I'm hip and cool enough to admit it. Can't wait to see who we're supposed to hate next.
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Uh, by "Radiohead/Travis retread shtick" are you referring to Coldplay's work or that of music "journalists" such as yourself?
Still, I love the ceaseless stream of disparaging remarks about one of the most humorously self-effacing bands around.
Way to play up the Brian FUCKING Eno collaboration. It's obvious you all care deeply about music.
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Coldplay are great. Ever heard of Echo and the Bunnymen? Similiar sounding. Oh, I forgot. Them stealing from Radiohead is way different than Radiohead BLATANTLY stealing from warp artists like Autechre. And I'm not gay because I listen to Coldplay. I'm gay because I like to insert other men's penises into my penis.
You, on the other hand, are gay because you like to continuously quote bad films.
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Brian:
Read the comments again. Seriously, almost every single comment on this post said exactly what you just did.
@#$@@#% unpredictable hipsters.
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Whatevs, punks. My antagonism for Coldplay comes from the deep well of disappointment carved by X&Y -- complete shameless shoegazer lite retread of the handful of things that were good about Rush of Blood (and even with that album I was bored).
It's the disappointment of a band that had potential seemingly throw up their hands and lose all sense of adventure. Parachutes will forever be one of my Desert Island Discs but for the rest they can go to Top 40 hell -- after all, it means more $$ for Oxfam and Make Trade Fair.
[WHY CHRIS MARTIN WHY???]
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what's a hipster?
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A hipster is a turd created by Cartman
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Here is my call. The next big band (and I am talking massive) will be Northern Room. Stereogum will say some good things about them in the beginning THEN...what? They bash them after album number 2 comes out. It has become the norm and it is now OLD Sgum. Like what "miguel" said: "jump back to 5 years ago and I bet all these people bashing coldplay were cumming all over the place about them in their livejournals."
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Come on Man, this is getting insane. This precocious hippster leanings is really starting to leave a salty taste in my mouth. Fine you don't like coldplay. A crap load of people do, to argue their relevance and then claim that they are a rip-off of radiohead is going a little to far left for me. Spark up another clove cigarette and throw on your "Kid A" album... cause dude you are just that cool now...
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Coldplay sucks because theyre incredibly
bland, not for any secret reasons. Their
lyrics in particular are terrible. In
general they might be the least energetic
band ever that is "renowned worldwide".
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