David Cross Can't Buy A House With Indie Hipster Cred
While you were preparing for an unforgettable (and perhaps unrememberable) New Year's Eve, David Cross was dotting the "i"s and crossing the "t"s on a lengthy screed defending his role in Alvin And The Chipmunks, an appearance just a little higher profile and less indie credible than say his turn on "Fitter Happier" for OKX. Not that we're passing judgments on the Alvin's hipster cred: that comes by David's admission, after addressing some snide shots from random bloggers (damn Google Alerts) and not so random bloggers (Patton Oswalt, for one). In an essay entitled "Allllllviiiiin!" on the Bob and David site, David writes:
Enuffs Znuff.The Crossian apology unfolds in four "Mitigating Factors," each's thesis laid bare and excerpted here, but each one requiring a full reading 'cause he's funny.
Hello, David here. I've internally debated the merits of addressing my appearance in, (and thus tacit condoning of) "Alvin and The Chipmunks". I am not stupid nor unobservant. I knew going into this movie that I would be eating a lot of delicious shit for it. Usually I wouldn't give a shit about what everyone's feelings are about it, but I wasn't prepared for the level, or amount I should say, of vitriol that's been flung about like so much monkey poo. But then I read Patton's snide comment in his blog about how he and Brian were offered the part and how they then chucked the script in disgust only to have it hungrily intercepted from it's intended trajectory into the incinerator by me, a money hungry whore sell out, (I'm paraphrasing) ... So now I will speak my piece and move on (I will move on, I can't speak for the rest of you. You might harbor ill will towards me for a lifetime, or at least until you have kids who actually enjoy the movie).
[Cross shot from Bonnaroo 2007]
MITIGATING FACTOR #1 I have not seen the movie so I can't really comment to whether it's an "evil" or "dangerous" "piece of shit "or not. The reason I haven't seen the movie is because I am not eight years old. I am an adult and don't see children's movies.The final point comes with a corollary: David's long sought and finally found a country home to get away from his 1100 sq ft East Village apartment.MITIGATING FACTOR#2
I was too young to enjoy the original "Alvin and the Chipmunks" because I wasn't born yet. And I was too old to enjoy the later incarnation in the 80's, so it holds no precious memories for me to defile.MITIGATING FACTOR#3
I like to work ... Up to working on "Alvin" I had not worked in six (SIX!) months. That is an eternity if you're an actor. Think about not working for two months with no hope of anything on the horizon. Now triple that. It was the longest period without work since after "Ben Stiller" got cancelled (the show, not the man) and I was going nuts.MITIGATING FACTOR#4
I love Patton and think the world of him and his talent. That will never change, no matter how many times he chooses to wear a kilt and hungrily guzzle sugary sweet, Sierra Mist (Oh snap!!) in an unintentional metaphor for everything being discussed here. What Patton doesn't know (I'm assuming) is that the part was originally offered to me, I said, "no way!", then it was offered to Patton, Brian, and I don't know who else. Then, months later, after everyone turned it down, they came back to me with a much more generous offer. I then said, "yes way!".
I asked the owner if he'd take some of my credibility as payment. He looked at me as if I was an alien with A.I.D.S. speaking some intergalactic gobbledy-goo. I had to patiently explain to this country bumpkin about my indie hipster cred, and I would now like to cash it in. This rural rube was so backwards and ignorant that he couldn't even conceive of how financial markets work and simple free market capitalism. I tried again to explain the concept of the value of "credibility" and "artistic integrity" but he refused to take it in exchange for the house. This guy was a fucking idiot! But what could I do? He wouldn't take no for an answer. If I wanted that cottage I would have to pay him money. Sigh. So I used my "Alvin and the Chipmunks" money to pay for the down payment. Seriously, I totally did.Lest you think this is all a big suck up to the film studio, D says Jason Lee "brings an empty void ... to the film." Also worth noting, while David was out in L.A. working on the Chipmunks flick, he and Bob polished a pitch for a new HBO show, and the two teamed up with Brian, Scott, and B.J. to get working on a new movie. That's a promising bit, but this is even more fascinating (if you come to Stereogum for your real estate trends news): With David buying his retreat and the Munson Diner opening there, it looks like Sullivan County is the new Manhattan.
Posted at 9:49 AM
Tags: David Cross
I'm happy for him. Plus, it isn't like "Alvin and the Chipmunks" undoes "Mr. Show", "Arrested Development", several hours of awesome standup, and several great supporting roles he's played. Plus, the new HBO show will probably end up filling the void that will be left in my life when adult swim finally kills "Xaivier: Renegade Angel."
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I'm with MITIGATING FACTOR #1, and besides you gotta pay the bills one way or another (especially in Hollywood). I'm surprised at Patton's backlash towards David, I mead Patton was a semi-regular on King of Queens (generic unfunny show about fat guy with hot wife).
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"...he and David polished a pitch for a new HBO show..."
David and David? :)
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I really love Patton...he is awesome and his last CD was hilarious, but he was the lead in Ratatouille. Yeah, that movie is definitely a little more classy then Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Hell, I used to love that cartoon when I was a kid...so I probably wouldn't turn it down.
Look up anyone on imdb and you'll find at least one mis-step on there resume.
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you wouldn't believe how much rust i'm shaking off, tk.. thanks ;)
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@ tk
Yeah, that one confused me, too. "Mr. Show 2008 with David and David"?
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I'm still more mad at Bob Odenkirk for making "Let's Go To Prison."
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No worries, just need to see Bob get his due :)
@Hayley: I'm guessing there's a good reason that I never saw that. ...It's really that bad?
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sounds like someone is embarrased they haven't worked in 6 months.
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tk - it's TERRIBLE. I went into it thinking that it couldn't be that bad, even with Dax Shepherd, if it was helmed by Bob Odenkirk and starred Will Arnett. I would've rather spent ten dollars on watching Will Arnett read the phonebook.
Actually, that might be a step up from some of more recent movies - can someone work on greenlighting Will Arnett reading a phonebook?
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Hey Patton did Balls of Fury so I think he and David are equally awesome, but equally as broke sometimes.
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VH1's Best Week Ever... That's all I can say about Patton.
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Patton's high-and-mighty stand isn't only reserved or Cross.
Hey, Patton is a funny guy. Real funny.
But he does seem like he can be a bit of a douche at times. And this is one of those times, especially considering his own past history of dumb-ass jobs that don't jibe with his comedic vision.
David Cross can take whatever $$ gigs he wants. As long as he still does the good stuff like his comedy albums, "Mr. Show" and "Arrested Development," who cares what other parts he takes.
If he feels with himself that he wants to take one of these take-the-money-and-run acting jobs, so be it. It doesn't compromise his comedy one bit.
Did anyone give George Carlin a raft of shit for "Cars"? No. Know why? Because it would be retarded to do so.
David is the man. And it's sad he has to defend himself like this over doing a kids movie.
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I've worked in many jobs doing many different things. Only person that matters to is myself, since I had to do it. Clearly, same goes for David and his career. He's not caught up on what mark he leaves with each film he makes. He doesn't care if people disagree his choices, that's what made his style of humor funny in the first place.
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Lil' Davey Cross fulfilled his artistic cred quota for the year by playing Allen Ginsberg in "I'm Not There" (motherfucker looks EXACTLY like him too it was eerie), so I say let him do the fucking Chipmunk movie if he needs to pay some bills.
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Last I heard, Patton's got a sweet gig re-writing gags for some studio, no?
Probably makes it easier to turn down Alvin.
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"Did anyone give George Carlin a raft of shit for "Cars"?"
Hey at least that was a big studio full featured movie. Try catching one of the many episodes of "Thomas the Tank Engine" he did the narration for. Talk about surreal, you'd think at any moment hes gonna flip out and starting swearing and ranting about vapid consumerism to toddlers. But alas, his reading seems very genuine and heartwarming, Grandpa Carlin as it were.
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It's not so much that he did a bad movie for money, it's that he's so vociferously defending that he did a bad movie for money. Plus, I can't help but think that he's burning a lot of bridges by badmouthing the past projects he's worked on.
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I wouldn't say he's "vociferously defending that he did a bad movie for money." He's just saying that he's been out of work and that he has to pay the bills somehow. To me, it seems like he's written a measured and rational response to his critics.
After all, it's not like he pulled a Kevin Barnes and wrote a pretentious, rambling manifesto on the glories of capitalism and how "selling out was impossible." Cross just seems to be saying: Hey, I needed money to buy a house. I did a children's movie in order to do so. I don't know if it's a good one or a bad one b/c I don't watch children's movies. That's it.
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I wouldn't say he's "vociferously defending that he did a bad movie for money." He's just saying that he's been out of work and that he has to pay the bills somehow. To me, it seems like he's written a measured and rational response to his critics.
After all, it's not like he pulled a Kevin Barnes and wrote a pretentious, rambling manifesto on the glories of capitalism and how "selling out was impossible." Cross just seems to be saying: Hey, I needed money to buy a house. I did a children's movie in order to do so. I don't know if it's a good one or a bad one b/c I don't watch children's movies. That's it.
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he was the least funny character in that overrated Arrested Development...wouldn't mind if he dies so i'm glad he's doing movies i don't watch now
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"wouldn't mind if he dies"... that's a bit harsh, no?
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I was actually forced to see the movie, and he's pretty good. I haven't seen "I'm Not There" so I can't comment on that, but it's not like he was horribly miscast in "Chipmunks"- if he were, then we could say that he was selling out. It was a bit weird, because I kept thinking of him as Tobias Funke.
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that movie was the worst 90 minutes i've spent in this new year, and david cross was about 65 percent of the reason.
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Arrested Development is the Greatest American Live Action Television Comedy of all time and n//z can eat a dick. Tobias Funke, the world's preeminent (and only) analrapist, is the most ingeniously written and performed character in the history of everything ever. He's not a sell out, let's just say he's "sell-curious."
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I second Liam on the Ginsberg-ness of David Cross in "I'm Not There." In terms of credibility, the man is golden.
Also, that Bonnaroo picture is making me HATE myself for deciding to not wait in line for his show.
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I agree with David. People need to give him a break. It's not like he's like the slave whore of the indie/hipster scene. He has his own life and should be able to explore any endeavors that he chooses, without such enormous backlash.
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The criticism of David Cross is one of these so sadly lame dead-end arguments that could only be fueled by online vitriolic nobodies.
Story: A comedic genius goes to make some well-deserved cash, because he doesn't get the perks of food and shelter because of his name alone. Sounds pretty fair to me. I don't know that many people who work a job they love, nay, LIKE; I suppose that means everyone with a crappy job who has higher aspirations is just a sell-out. Otherwise they would have quit it by now.
Yes we all would like the artists that we really enjoy to not have to resort to "commercial" exploits. Yet how many producers, directors, screenwriters, artists, writers, et cetera do so on a regular basis? Quite a few. Most are lucky to be able to hide behind monikers or conglomerates. However, an actor/comedian has his/her voice and face, which can be tricker to cover (w/o serious plastic surgery).
If inter-nerds are going to criticize someone for taking a role for some cash, please first make sure that the check that is cut to such a person is at least 7 figures; otherwise STFU.
And if you feel like some entertainer is being demeaned by participating in a project to pay the bills, then why don't you start a studio where you can offer this person work doing what they would prefer to do for some real cash? That's a true artistic endeavor.
- Jeremy R.
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Am I the only one who thinks these 'need to pay the bills' arguments are a little weak. Not in some selling out way, but just that anyone could have played that role in alvin and the chipmunks. David Cross brought nothing to it. Ray Romano or any useless stand up comic could have done it. I can't imagine they were offering him very much, even with that premium he mentions.
Meanwhile, this will hurt every prospect of his future employment, I think. The idea that he did Chipmunks will jeapordize his HBO pitch. His future movies will suffer, I'd imagine. He will have to work for less in the future, and he'll have to do more crap that he won't enjoy. And it won't make much money for the studio (does anyone think Alvin's success had anything to do with David Cross being in it?) so he'll be seen as a bad investment and a warm body.
He can do whatever he wants, sure. But I'm not going to pay him for it, personally. I won't boycott him, but I will approach anything he does with wary eyes.
btw.... as for not working, why could he not get back on the road and do comedy for good money? Does that not pay better than an office job or am I missing the details of the pay scale?
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"btw.... as for not working, why could he not get back on the road and do comedy for good money? Does that not pay better than an office job or am I missing the details of the pay scale?"
I don't think standup pays that well, judging by how often those guys are on the road, and how so many of them just stop doing it once they get a semblance of success.
As for projects, there's no way HBO or someone is going to put a stop to a David Cross project because he did a Chipmunks movie. The number of respected comedians who have done horrible movies for the paycheck is a mile long.
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i wish all these selling-out retards would just say, in one sentence:
"i did it for the money".
'mitigating factors'. chump.
i'm more horrified jason lee is in it, because i actually know his name, and i'm surprised he'd need the money after 400 seasons of My Name Is Earl. so fuck i don't know.
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I heard Alec Baldwin on Actor's Studio saying essentially the same thing as David. Baldwin said that since actors act for their money, and since most of them love to perform (which is why they started in the first place), then they will do almost any part if they have nothing else going on.
He made the analogy that a plumber doesn't come to your house, listen to what you want done, and then say, "Sorry, I couldn't possibly do this job because it offends my sensibilities. You want that sink over there? No way."
And if Patton Oswalt said anything negative about Cross's choices, then he is an even bigger, more hypocritical, more ungrateful douchenozzle than even I thought he was, and I thought he was a HUGE douchenozzle to begin with.
[I just read his comment about Cross, and it was just the standard "I turned it down, but he didn't" deal, not too bad...although it was transparently hypocritical when most of PO's post was about how he himself was such a sellout by doing some vid-game awards show. "The worst thing about this show was the fact that I'm the cheap, money-grubbing asshole who agreed to do it..."The Most Addictive Video Game...Fueled By DEW!" That's because Mountain Dew was "sponsoring" the award. I had to say "Fueled By Dew". I will also be saying it on my deathbed, when I'm begging my relatives to unplug by respirator...I'm as pathetic as those creeps on To Catch a Predator. But instead of answering a chat room come-hither, I bit a rancid worm dangling from the hook of Basic Cable and Easy Money."]
Two posts later, Oswalt sucks up to Cross's comedy skillz bigtime, so he prolly feels bad about the whole deal. I still don't think he's very funny or smart, but he's not being as mean as he's being made out to be.
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hmm. everyone here who is supporting Cross for doing a shit kid's movie for the loot would probably be super pissed if, say, Sunset Rubdown lent a song of theirs to the soundtrack or, even worse, to a commercial.
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Grow the f*ck up people.
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I just read Oswalt's response to David's response on bobanddavid.com. Epic Fail!!! Not funny or clever in the slightest. He should go back to being Famous Mortimer and leave the lulz to Mr. Cross.
P.S. David sho' is funny in "Scary Movie 2" when he's trading barbs with Chris Elliott! Whatever happened to that guy?
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jdubs - hell if I'd care. If Spencer Krug lent his song to some commercial and then said, "Yes my kid needed braces" or something to that extent. It's not like we've never seen this before - the Go Team! lent their song to commercial in order to finance the samples they used in their next album. Who else is going to pay those fees for them? Magnetic Fields, Junior Boys, Peter Bjorn and John, Feist, Animal Collective, The Walkmen, MIA, The Books, etc. etc. These artists are all under-compensated for their talent, they all sold songs to commercials...In a culture that is so willing to reward Maroon5-mediocrity, why not be happy that there's at least one medium (even if it is commerical) where a highly talented indie-artist can scrape enough money together so that they don't have to paint houses in their spare time?
The only thing that disturbs me about "selling out" is when artists then go on to write self-righteous screeds on how selling out is inevitable or the virtues of capitalism or other such bullshit (Kevin Barnes, anyone?). I resepect Cross's statement because it's honest. He admits that he needs money for a necessary and common expense (a home?) - who cares if that's the avenue he takes to get it?
How the hell does David Cross's appearance in Alvin diminish his stand-up? Do you find the jokes less funny? Someone's going to make money playing that role - so why not someone who actually has some talent, someone who actually deserves to be compensated financially for his talent, opposed to some flumpy actor.
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there's a patented response to any celebrity sell-out accusation - "“What do you want from me? They drove a big dump truck full of money up to my house. I’m not made of stone.” - Krusty the Clown
besides, my 3 & 4 year olds don't care about Cross's indie cred, they want chipmunk hijinx.
now, let's all go to the happiest place on earth - Tijuana!
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whoever said
tobias funke was the least funny character on that show
is seriously disturbed.
wow.
the person who said,
"it doesn't undo his past jobs, such as ad, mr. show and other stuff" to paraphrase, was very, very right.
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Maybe David Cross couldn't find work for six (SIX!) months because he goes on set, half-asses it, and then badmouths the filmmakers for what a shitty job THEY did -- all by his own admission.
If he needs the money, then how can he be too good for any job? Because he's an angry stand-up comic with too much integrity for work?
I've had some terrible jobs, but I did them to the best of my ability. Do I care about making bagel sandwiches? No. But that's what I got paid to do, and if someone didn't like their tuna salad on garlic parmesean, I didn't say, "Who gives a fuck? It's stupid to put tuna on a bagel anyway." I made them a new one because I'm not a baby.
Maybe I'm too harsh, though. After all, he and I probably have a few things in common: I don't like his movies either.
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If he has to do it for the money, I don't believe doing a kids' movie kills your cred. Doing 'Let's Go To Prison' would have been worse.
The story about getting his new apartment is what gets me. I can't believe that's true, more likely a genius embellishment. I've never been close to getting an apartment based on a deposit of "indie cred".
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"niles" has got to be the biggest retard on this blog so far for the comments about how doing Chipmunks is going to hamper Cross's ability to do good projects is the future. Also, the idea that stand-up tours are decent money or enjoyable work is a laugh riot. You try living on the road for a few months, genius, and see if you don't change your tune.
I think Cross would be a bigger sell-out if let his career choices be limited to doing what his legions of tight t-shirt wearing indie hipster shitheads wanted him to do.
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His country cottage is well worth any momentary sacrifice of 'the ideal artistic integrity of his art', since the cottage itself is probably his best work ever.
And I should know, considering I'm the 'idiot, backwoods, bumpkin' helping him design and build it.
On the other hand, participating in the Chipmunk Christmas album may be taking it too far.
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does david cross twitter?
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