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October 30, 2006

Guess The Scribe

From a popular musician's website...

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2006
CHANGE

I've been thinking about something lately.

Imagine this:

You're on an airplane, sleeping with your head against the window, your heart set on being home this time three hours from now. All of a sudden, something goes very wrong. The plane stops moving across the air and instead starts falling through it. The lights are flickering and the movie is skipping. The plane dips hundreds of feet in seconds, and the yellow cups fall from the ceiling. They're a brighter shade of yellow than you remember, because unlike the demonstration, these cups have never been handled before. "Flight attendants take your seats now", you hear, the pilot's voice trembling over a cacophony of alert tones. You get that smell in the bridge of your nose like you've just been hit with a football. That's what the fear smells like. The plane is going down.

Four more drastic drops in under a minute. People are crying. For all the folklore about how your life flashes before your eyes, you're remarkably fixed on one vision - your parents. They're sleeping at this very moment, in a bedroom so quiet they can hear the clock in the kitchen. And you can see them, clear as can be. You wish you could see a playground or a first kiss, but all you can see is your parents sleeping. Huh. Well, that's that.

Several long minutes go by. Then, all at once, the lights come back on and the plane somehow rights itself. Some people cheer, but most people cry harder. The plane lands about an hour later, and as soon as you feel that touch down - hell, even when you were within 50 feet of the ground and could still technically survive a fall - you realize that however you brokered the deal between you and God worked; you've just been granted life in overtime.

Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?

Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?

When did John Mayer get so fucking emo? Bring back the bear suit please.

Posted at 3:51 PM




26 Comments

Ha...I guessed it.

Posted by: Stereogum Fan at 10/30/06 4:03 PM  | Reply
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Damn my guess was K-Fed!

Posted by: Buckeye at 10/30/06 4:12 PM  | Reply
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How is it not Moby???

Posted by: Jen at 10/30/06 4:15 PM  | Reply
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Before the reveal, I was sure it was Klosterman.

Posted by: witz.org at 10/30/06 4:18 PM  | Reply
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because moby only writes in lowercase!

Posted by: scott at 10/30/06 4:19 PM  | Reply
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Am I the only one who thought it was Fred Durst?

Posted by: David at 10/30/06 4:59 PM  | Reply
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wouldn't emo's want to die? hence the fact this is not emo.

Posted by: Alec at 10/30/06 5:03 PM  | Reply
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p.s. when did you start reading john mayer's blog? you really weren't kidding when you said you liked him.

Posted by: Alec at 10/30/06 5:04 PM  | Reply
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IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING! WE LOVE YOU VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH!

Posted by: Louie at 10/30/06 5:08 PM  | Reply
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wish i'd thought of that louie.

Posted by: Alec at 10/30/06 5:15 PM  | Reply
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damn, i thought tony robbins

Posted by: landrew at 10/30/06 5:20 PM  | Reply
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Haha, I thought it was Brandon Flowers, just because he hates flying so much.

Posted by: Jamie at 10/30/06 5:25 PM  | Reply
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Man, I thought it was Conor Oberst 'cause of that ramble at the start of ...it's morning.

Posted by: eric at 10/30/06 5:27 PM  | Reply
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If it didn't say it was from a musician I could have sworn it would be Andy Greenwald

Posted by: Jose at 10/30/06 5:28 PM  | Reply
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"wouldn't emo's want to die?"

Are we ever going to have that much-needed National Proper Apostrophe Use Day?

Posted by: Dave at 10/30/06 5:54 PM  | Reply
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Stereogum Hearts John Mayer.

Posted by: Jay at 10/30/06 6:03 PM  | Reply
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Man, this John Mayer stuff is getting out of hand. I was going to say Zach Braff, just cuz of the intro to Garden State, even if he's not a musician.

Posted by: Jeff at 10/30/06 6:13 PM  | Reply
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What, nobody here reads Esquire?

Posted by: Greg at 10/30/06 6:14 PM  | Reply
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Haha. I thought it was Moby, too!

Wonder what provoked this from him???

Posted by: kibbe at 10/30/06 6:19 PM  | Reply
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John Mayer needs a beatdown cholo-style.

Posted by: Raul at 10/30/06 7:38 PM  | Reply
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I thought it was one of those horrible waste of time e-mail forwards that your Mum sends you.

Posted by: Molly at 10/30/06 7:39 PM  | Reply
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Surviving Jessica Simpson can change your entire worldview.

Posted by: Krister Johsnon at 10/30/06 7:46 PM  | Reply
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I thought it was Scott Stapp but uh, then I heard Scott's dead.

Posted by: dustjacket at 10/30/06 7:49 PM  | Reply
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I was thinking Ryan Adams. That guy's pretty morbid for a guy who writes songs for Tim McGraw.

Posted by: Paul at 10/30/06 9:08 PM  | Reply
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I smell a benefit concert

Posted by: chawns at 10/30/06 9:20 PM  | Reply
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I don't think Ry Ry would have proper "whom" usage.

It does read like one of those Mom forwards. All it needs is some sort of "go hug a child and watch Oprah" coda.

Posted by: Constant Dater at 10/31/06 9:50 AM  | Reply
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