Liveblogging The 2007 Grammy Awards
It’s on! Welcome the 49th Grammy Award Show, coming to you live you from Stereogum HQ. It’s going to be a long night, but we’re super excited. We’ve got Police to praise, Blunt to mock, and Timberlake backup singers to handicap. Plus – there’s always those wacky Grammy commercials!
We’ve also got some eyes and ears at the actual ceremony, so if our spies don’t get their Blackberry thumbs broken by the NARAS secret police we’ll have some inside dirt to pass along as well.
So sit back, grab as much beer as you need to make The Dixie Chicks sound like Cat Power and the Memphis Rhythm Band, and keep that finger on the refresh button. Live blog begins in five…
Exactly how close do you have to be to Ludacris to call him “Luda”?
8:03
Police take the stage. Think we saw Diddy waving a cellphone in the front row. Does this jazz-odyssey version of "Roxanne" count as a medley?
8:08
Nice early win for Tony Bennett. and Stevie Wonder. Stevie's looking positively planetary in that outfit. Ouch, not only did the music start, but they had the Grammy bouncer out on stage as well. Who is the bouncer coming after next? James Blunt?
8:12
StereoSpy Update: Collective gasp/snicker in the audience when Tony Bennett thanked Target.
8:13
Dixie Chicks take the stage. Love the bride-with-slutty-bridesmaids look. Rick Rubin has these girls on the right track.
8:14
Rick Rubin's Dixie Chicks Makeover #2: RHCP's Chad Smith on the skins!
8:18
"Beyoncé."
8:20
Who's doing the sound tonight? Beyoncé's reverb sounds like a bathroom at the Vince Lombardi rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike.
8:21
Since we're working on our gambling problem, we've decided to handicap the My Grammy Moment contest. We have three contenders to backup JT: Africa, Robyn, and Brenda. At this point we're giving Africa 3-1 to take the backup gig. She's got the chops, the name, and sounds a little bit like Mariah Carey without the crazy.
8:22
Does anybody else find it strange that the same guys who wrote "My Humps" are out there plugging Booker T.?
8:25
What a pro, Mary J. kept her notecards in her purse! Here comes the bouncer!
8:33
StereoSpy Update: We're in. Everyone is really dressed up, but standing in the hallway housing McDonalds and pretzels which is kind of weird. Grammy merch is for sale at typically ridiculous prices. One guy is wearing a shirt that he just bought. Dude - wearing a Grammy shirt... to the Grammys? Don't be that guy.
The Grammy programs have paintings and other artistic renditions of nominated artists. The John Mayer one is creepy and I fear it will haunt my dreams all week.
8:37
JT takes the stage for the song that is definitely absolutely NOT about Britney. Whoa JustinCam. This video is totally going up on Justin's MySpace. Nice eyebrow tweeze, JT!
8:42
Mary J. takes her second consecutive award for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance. The second installment of Mary J.'s self-empowerment spiel has us puzzled: Is it success that tells you who you are, or is it failure? Sounds like Mary J. has been taking life advice from Fergie.
8:45
Random Grammy Fun Fact: Andy Summers was born on 12/31/42, making him 11 months older than Keith Richards. He also wrote the Weekend At Bernie's soundtrack. A full life, that.
8:50
Legend v. Mayer. Some hot John on John action. They join Corinne Bailey Rae on the single most soporific performance in Grammy history.
8:52
We feel a solo coming. Get ready for the Mayer "Oh" face.
8:54
"Oh! Oh!"
8:55
Non-televised Grammy update: The computer algorithm that wrote "My Humps" beat out Death Cab for Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group.
8:58
John Mayer wins Best Pop Vocal Album. Text 1 for Africa.
9:02
Commercial break food for thought: Do John Mayer and Corinne Bailey Rae have the same haircut?
9:04
Boff-Marry-Kill: Nellie Furtado, any of the Pussycat Dolls, James Blunt.
9:05
Wyclef and his tighty whiteys joins the most truthful hips in the biz on a Middle Eastern-infused belly dancing lesson. Wyclef nearly pulls a hamstring.
9:11
Put that in your Blunt and smoke it: Dixie Chicks and Martin Maguire win Song Of The Year for "Not Ready To Make Nice." We don't wanna get ahead of ourselves, but James is getting shut out. Is tonight the last we ever hear his name? Fingers crossed.
9:17
This just in: "Weird Al" loses coveted surround sound award to Donald Fagen. Prepare for a withering "Morph The Hack" spoof.
9:19
Grammy Contest Update: Our StereoSpy reports that Robyn has packed the hall full of ringers. Vote Africa, people! We don't want to get our kneecaps broken!
9:23
Gnarls, finally! And they're dressed as ... as flight attendants? Is this a Soul Plane reference? You know there are people in the audience that haven't heard this song before. Only at The Grammys!
9:25
Kanye's on stage with Common to present Best Rap Album. No Fendi advertisements on his cranium tonight. Peace. Love. The Gap.
9:39
Either Mandy Moore is a giant, or Luke Wilson is a teeny tiny. No wonder Zach Braff dumped her.
9:52
We have no idea what she's singing, but Carrie Underwood makes us long for the Starlight Vocal Band.
9:53
Oh, Rascal Flatts. Just when we thought we couldn't like The Eagles any less.
9:55
The Police only get one song and The Eagles get a medley?
9:58
What happened to Craig Kilborn?
10:02
Carrie Underwood wins Best Country Album. Simon Cowell celebrates by massaging his breasts to nipple erection.
10:08
Muthafuckin'.
10:09
"Tracks Of My Tears"? Smokey looks like he's had his tearducts removed. He couldn't even cry at this point if he wanted to.
10:14
Holy crap, it's Tim Burton's Riverdance. So this is what it feels like to get served.
10:18
Too much smoke! Christina's gonna pass out.
10:20
The Police just broke up.
10:21
Mayer and Christina need to have a face off.
10:22
No major awards show has a worse celebrity to insider you don't recognize ratio than the Grammys. Who are these people?
10:26
Wow, Mastercard really nailed/skewered the irony of the whole "bedhead chic" thing. Comb your hair, faux-hipster! What is this, 2001?
10:27
They arranged this classical break so two-thirds of the Dixie Chicks could go out and have a smoke.
10:30
Wish we could make fun of dead people.
10:33
We already miss James Brown!
10:40
Ludacris takes the stage, Stevie Wonder immediately sues Luda's singing conga player.
10:42
A children's choir can only mean one thing: Michael Jackson is about to make a guest appearance!
10:43
StereoSpy reports that James Blunt has had a rib removed so that he can better make love to himself.
10:45
Somewhere right now your 4th grade teacher is weeping.
10:47
It's about time somebody got around to honoring the Cosimo Sound.
10:51
You're welcome, Prince. Your personalized note means everything to us.
10:52
Africa!!!!! Nooooo!!!!!!
10:56
Well, this girl can sing, at least. She looks pretty comfortable up there. Almost as if she knew this would be happening...
10:58
Anybody catch JT air guitaring his penis on the "My Love" outro? Impressive.
10:59
Two phrases we'd never thought we'd hear in the same sentence: "Tony Bennett" and "Grindhouse."
11:00
Quentin Tarantino is high on Quentin Tarantino. This joke brought to you by Target.
11:02
You know what the music means, Dixie chicks -- heh heh!
11:09
Well it's past 11, so we can make "Dick In A Box" jokes. Uncensored telecast will be up on YouTube tomorrow.
11:14
Please please let him make a global warming joke.
11:17
Conveniently, the Chili Peppers were already downstairs. Start a rock band! Start a rock band! Chad Smith now looks and acts like Will Ferrell.
11:18
StereoSpy Update: RHCP's amp had "love to ornette coleman" written on it in case anyone was wondering.
11:19
StereoSpy is now covered in little white pieces of paper.
11:21
Anna Nicole Smith is still dead. The Police are back together.
11:24
We recognize Scarlett Johansson, but which Baldwin is that?
11:26
All Grammy-related disappointment is relative, but the Dixie Chicks? This sucks.
11:28
Mercifully, the curtain has fallen on another year of industry wankery. We want to thank you all for reading and posting. We'll be back next year to liveblog the (hopefully James Blunt-free) 50th anniversary. If anyone needs us, we'll be washing our ears and eyes out with soap.
Posted at 7:57 PM
Tags: Dixie Chicks | Grammys | Mary J. Blige | The Police
Reporter to James Blunt: "There's a lot of buzz about The Police getting back together, what's your take on that?"
James Blunt: "I hope they don't arrest me!"
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old singers going down an octave makes baby jesus cry.
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someone stop jamie foxx from making more jokes.
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Unfortunately they played Roxanne, but fuck it...the Police are back together!!!!
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don't make fun of jamie..."it'd kill on BET."
good call on the police guys
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that was a blah performance. come on, you're opening the grammys, kill it and leave it on stage.
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fuck the chicksy dicks
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oh dear, they play the cut off music for stevie wonder and tony! not fair!
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not about the grammys, but i turned on the simpsons and blister in the sun was in the back of a shitty wendys commercial. boo
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I didn't realize until tonight that one of the Dixie Chicks was a Robert Palmer video girl.
Huh.
You learn something every day, I suppose.
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chad smith from the Chili Peppers is playing drums with the Chicks!
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fuck corey.
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damn that was below the belt
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Yeah, I actually saw two Chili Peppers behind the Chicks. Weird.
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these commercials (even the recycled ones) are already better than the superbowl set.
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robert palmer girl or kitana from mortal combat?
fatality?
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I thought that was him and his backward baseball cap!!
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performance, commercials, performance..
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wow they're really cramming in the psuedo powerful/interesting performances tonight!
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Damn. Beyonce's music might not hold much appeal to me, but she has ridiculous presence on stage. And the pipes to match.
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WOLFMOTHER have just won a GRAMMY AWARD for BEST HARD ROCK PERFORMANCE! The boys were up against Buck Cherry, Tool and Nine Inch Nails. (That came From A Myspace bulletin)
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hell yeah Wolfmother!!!
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hahahaha - fergie has NO clue who she's talking about. and she really, really can't read from a teleprompter.
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so it is possible to hate fergie more than i already do . go figure
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This just in: Stacy Ferguson ins a man.
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did anyone just see Fergie snatch Mary J's purse?
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she doesn't get the music thing does she?
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Jesus, Mary J. You'll be back up there in a second. Don't blow your nut all over "Best R&B Album"
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actually, chad smith played drums on the Chicks latest record, so it makes sense
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OK Go just flipped off the music industry by winning a Grammy with a no budget youtube video.
Times are a changing...
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props to ok go for snatching "Best Short Form Music Video" They beat out JT for the first (and probably the last) time!
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i'd like to thank target, for making my dreams and this award possible.
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super excited? really?
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...he's 80 years old.
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I was super excited about the Police! Tony and Stevie sort of killed the high, though.
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God. I theorize that in another five years, we're no longer going to be able to tell the difference between JT and Chris Martin.
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...And now, Justin Timberlake IS Chris Martin, in "Coldplay: The Movie."
Seriously, could he try any harder to emulate the "Clocks" video?
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there's always the accent
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TimberCam!
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Get this camera shit OUT! We feel like we're watching a Paris Hilton sextape! wtf???!!!!!!
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Seeing Justin's version of the Blai Witch Project will give me nightmares for days.
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I hoped to never get that close to JT...
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Mary J. Jesus/God counter:
6 (7, if you count the valley thing as a reference to God saving her...)
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hoe needs to stop crying, she knows she is going to win everything.
"we learn the valley who we are..."""
um....what?
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Mary J. will be publishing her "Book of Cliches" this summer
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Mary J.: God did not bestow these awards upon you as a symbol of his Holy will.
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Stevie could get up on stage and take a shit, and I'd still give him a standing ovation...
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i think he just did.
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please welcome John Mayer, John Legend, and Corin Bailey-Rae...
time to take a nap and pee break...
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for a pop-loving girl: johnlegend + j.may + cbr = excellent
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Okay, I'm as cynical about the Grammys as the next guy. But can we agree that John/John/Corinne is pretty fucking sweet? Current, but classy. That should be aplauded
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i love the two johns...I have to admit it.
they are really talented
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I'm with you on that one DH
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Ok, John Mayer is waking us up a bit. Just a really slow build up... We here in Chicago are a bit hyper about the show tonight.
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c'mon elvis and allen!!!!
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dammit...
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The Grammys like John Mayer? I didn't know...really now...
Does anyone actually care about who sings with JT as long as I can see him dance around and be hot some more.
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mayer really needs a haircut. really. we get that he's a 'serious' artist. he doesn't need long unattractive hair to prove it.
he should get a haircut to celebrate his pop win.
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maybe a police reunion isn't a good idea afterall...
ps
saw that amrit's photo of norah jones on 60 mins...congrats!
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Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Not this commercial again...
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is it wrong that when I heard Shakira's name I muted the TV??
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and I thought she was latina, not from the middle east
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thanks julio!
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YEAH SEMISONIC!
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Boff Pussycat, marry Nellie Furtado, kill James Blunt.
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"Play Jerry play...play your guitar." Winston Rodney
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i voted for africa! before i knew you wanted me to.
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cee-lo's teeth look especially big and white tonight. and i am SO tired of this song. i bet he is too.
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I'm totally digging the slow jam Crazy...nice nice nice.
We all agree, kill Blunt, shag a Pussycat, and marry Furtado.
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shout out to Oprah and Bill O'Reily.
God, gotta love Luda.
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when they were announcing nominees, i def thought luda was looking fly w/ his short hair... also, his shout out to bill and oprah, so fair and balanced.
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I believe you mean Dixie Chicks and Semisonic's Dan Wilson win song of the year. Martie Maguire is he fiddle player.
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what was up with the random shot of tarantino???
especially after a thing about an opera singer
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Just a bit of info:
Marty is actually a member of the Dixie Chicks. The male up there with them was - and I was shocked too - Dan Wilson (of "Closing Time" Semisonic), who I had no idea was even... I dunno... around? Weird!
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the grammys must hold a class before the awards called "Waving your hand side-to-side 101"
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I love me some Mary J., but this is definitely not her strongest performance.
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when they were announcing nominees, i def thought luda was looking fly w/ his short hair... also, his shout out to bill and oprah, so fair and balanced.
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Never mind. She locked that shit up. Good for her.
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MJB was awful.
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i thought stereogum was liveblogging this thing...I feel like we're doing more work than they are...
just messing with you gummers
to quote the dixie chicks quoting simpson's "HEH HEH!"
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i forgot natalie the dixie chicks is married to nathan petrelli from heroes. i love that show.
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The Dixie Chick is married to Peter Petrelli.
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I HOPE THEY DO SOMETHING FOR JAMES BROWN SOON!!!
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I think that the movie referenced by Gnarls was "Catch Me If You Can." The flight attendant choir kind of sold that...
I'm so goddamn tired of those three Grammy moments people. For real. Let's get this over with.
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Corey wins Gummy for "Best Poster to this Liveblog." We passed out during that Best Country award - thanks for keeping the fire lit!
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i dont like country music that much, but i have to be happy for the san antonio song. reppin' my hometown. and i love the 90 year old fiddle player next to carrie.
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CARRIE UNDERWOOD IS A BABE
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woo hoo!! too bad not enough people read my music blog or i'd do one there...oh well.
another note, I've always thought that the guitarist for Rascal Flatts looks so damn out of place. Like he should be playing for Daughtry rather than a country group...
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Ohhhhhh check out "that guy" air guitaring during "Hotel California"!
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ive never heard much of carrie underwood's material, but i thought she was very good.
and... "hotel california" and "desperado"... come on. i know these songs are the most recognizable, but there are so many better eagles songs.
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Just when I asked myself if Rascal Flatts could be any more generic and lack any more stage presence, they showed a close-up of the lead singer doing a half-assed air guitar.
Seriously, what the fuck? At least put more effort into it than you did over-styling your hair, bro-ham.
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