Maynard James Keenan Finds Jesus
Yesterday some Tool websites reported that MJK found Jesus. So Kurt Loder himself e-mailed Keenan for confirmation...
On 4/5/05 2:11 PM, "Keenan, Maynard James" <bigtool1964@gmail.com> wrote:
I did, in fact, find Jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Loder, Kurt
> Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2005 2:02 PM
> To: Keenan, Maynard James
> Subject: Wassssssup
>
> Hey bra! I read on some blog you found Jesus?
> WTF? Also don't forget to Tivo I WANT A FAMOUS
> FACE tonight. Some fat chick wants to be Kelly
> from Saved By The fucking Bell. It's fucked up.
> Anyways lemme know about the Jesus thing.
>
> xoxo,
> Loder
Brian "Head" Welch: 1, Perfect Circle fans: 0? Or April Fools?
Posted at 10:09 AM
no... it can't be...
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is this some sort of ironic humour i dont get? all the other Tool headlines on the bottom look fake (these were real headlines??)
Tool, Audioslave Members Act Out Murder Mystery [??? it was Col. Cornell in the tour bus with a candlestick ]
*
Maynard James Keenan: Not Yet A Legend, Not Yet Dead [very reminiscent of the NME spoof "Pete Doherty has Big Cock" headline ]
*
Tool Set Their Dressing Room On Fire, Lose Bowl Of Fruit
*
Tool, Jack Osbourne Patronage Pays Off For Meshuggah
??
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Why can't these shitty indie hipster bands all find Jesus and break up, forever ridding the world of pussy ironic music that makes bloggers happy.
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ok. not funny.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/news/general_music_news/tool_joke.html
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"shitty indie hipster bands"???
ummm...have you heard tool before?
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I call shenanigans.
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Most "indie hipsters" wouldn't be caught dead listening to Tool, although this one appreciates a little Prison Sex once and awile.
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Oh yeah? Well I found Yamashita's treasure.
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we fell for it:
www.earworm.org
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I love Stereogum Re-enactment Theatre.
Loder shit talking 90210bese is wayyy better than Kori shit talking Britney's allergy to shoes.
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First the boobs, now this? What a tool.
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They didn't even spell Keenan right on the fake kurt loder email.
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Instead of songs like "Hooker with a penis" we'd get songs like "The Lamb who lost his way, then found it again".
Nice one!
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I seriuosly doubt he has a gmail account. Does he even use the internet?
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C'mon guys, Tool isn't that bad. Undertow and Aenima are classics, and I'm not a metal fan by any means.
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this has to be fake. I'm sure Kurt Loder signs emails "xoxo Loder" and says "bra" and "WTF?"
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Omg, kill yourselves if you didn't get a laugh out of all of this...
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Um, hell-o, has anybody has a listen to APC's Judith lately? Maybe a peek at the lyrics would hint that this rumor has got to be bunk. That the song was named for MJK's mother and written of her hypocritical Christian acquaintances should be good indication that although it was denied to be an April fool's joke, it was. Maynard found God? Yeah, maybe floating in the toilet after he took a big fat dump. I saw the post on Tool's site on the 1st and was definitely unconvinced. And I don't know where Mr. Brent's getting his info from but maybe he should re-check his undoubtedly long list of "indie-hipster bands" because I don't think that either Tool or APC will be on it....
"oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you..."
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haha, oh maynard...
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Screw all that. What's the deal with The White Stripes and this Blue Orchid shit that was on the XL website? I was surprised this blog hasn't gotten to it yet.
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The funniest part of this is that the rumor originated on the toolshed.down.net site on April Fools Day. He does this EVERY YEAR. And most years, people are smart enough not to fall for it.
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I just like that Kurt Loder gives out TiVo advice... I mean it has gotta be better than the random crap my tivo records on its own
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C'mon you guys -- the e-mail was supposed to be a joke!
Here's a (real) update:
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1499613/20050405/tool.jhtml
MJK: "Heh heh."
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That's NOT fucking funny, April fools or not.
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Sometimes after a big bong hit I put a Nugent 8 track on without a pack of matches jambed in the deck to stabilize it and it will play real slow and I will start hearing things and then I'll find jesus hiding under my couch or behind the bean bag.......
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That loder email is hilarious... stereogum is too funny. Whatever happened to Lisa Turtle?!
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Is this true? What's happening?
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ur all fuckin gay
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"phuk u'r god, u'r lord, u'r christ" words from judith, sang by MJK. But the guy found JeSuS. WTF LOL C'mon yall know better
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what a bunch of clueless retards
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i really dont even know how i reached this website, but, uhh, believe whatever you want to, the ENTIRE point of "maynard" james keenan is that he is a regular joe shmoe (or is supposed to be) and people like you see or hear things and you like take it to an insane level of stupidity. in other words... maynard has tits, tool are drug dealing crack smoking devil worshipers obbsessed with sodomy, they are all very, very homosexual, they hate nine inch nails and primus, and the whole idea of a band like that was to make you the tool to exploit your money because they found a way to market the nature of humans. (((((to think for yourself you must learn how to put yourself in a state of calm, vulberable, openmindedness, to think for yourself. to think for yourself you must question authority. THINK FOR YOURSELF, QUESTION AUTHORITY))))) do you maybe get it now??? probably not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What a Dick this Duckbrush Character........well maybe you should take your head out of your ass and maybe THINK FOR YOURSELF!! And probably you are the Homosexual for saying that shit. When you point a finger......you have 3 more coming right back at you! Bitch!
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no way so does this mean i cant make him a custom dildo www.pyrexions.com
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I was lost until I heard you. I have found myself by hearing your voice maynard, I just want to thank you every word and your music because you fill me with feelings. I just want to touch your fingers. I even don´t know where am I sending this letter, it could may be a stupid way to calm my wishes of finding you,I need talking with you, I know I´m just one more of the million that need it, but please, if there´s a way to find them, help me whoever you are.
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