Top Ten Most Disappointing Musical Royalty Progeny
The folks at Flumesday recently ranked the apples that have fallen furthest from some of rock's most regal trees. One can imagine that the factors for consideration included the height of said tree (to continue this weak metaphor) and the degree of pathos for the apple.
10. Sean Lennon – At least he didn’t release the most embarrassing Fire album this year.
9. Nelson – Twin sons of Ricky, possessed of frosty locks, guilty of "After The Rain." But, along with their father and their grandparents (Ozzie and Harriet), they are the only Guiness Book-certified family to have three generations of #1 hits! And yet they take their rightful place on this list.
8. Nona Gaye – Daughter of Marvin (a tall tree indeed). She released Love For The Future in '92 to little success, joined Prince for three years of background singing, and finally found her way as an actress.
7. Jakob Dylan – Far and away the least terrible to crop up on the list. But do ya remember that tree metaphor?
6. Rockwell – This kid was born Kennedy Gordy, as in Motown founder Berry Gordy's son. He had a massive hit in "Somebody's Watching Me," which featured Michael Jackson on the hook (now you know that song!). But aside from his Jacko-enhanced tune (which had a stint at #1 on R&B charts), he was gone as quickly as he rose.
5. Kelly Osbourne – Best known for being Ozzy's daughter -- and covering Madonna. Enough.
4. Carnie Wilson: "Someday somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye!" That's as good as Brian Wilson's daughter's career got. But go ahead, sing it; it's still a karaoke killer!
3. Frank Sinatra Jr.: Malcolm S. Forbes, Sr. said it best: "Junior Sure Ain't Senior!"
2. Lisa Marie Presley: Whatever success she had was bound to be overshadowed by that creepy bout of PDA with MJ at the '94 MTV VMA.
1. Julian Lennon: Bookended by the children of John. How could it be any other way? Something tell us Sean would've voted Julian #1, too.
Still too early to tell whether Cat Stevens' son makes the cut, but Dweezil and Ahmet have definitely earned a spot. Who else you got?
Posted at 10:26 AM in Shit List
Tags: Jakob Dylan | Julian Lennon | Sean Lennon
I thought this was going to be a lead-in to the "Wolfgang joining Van Halen" story.
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Eagle-Eye Cherry, son of jazz great Don Cherry.
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Oh, man...Eagle-Eye Cherry...that's a good one. Shit, he didn't even live up to his sister.
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Jason Bonham, son of Led Zep's thunderous drummer, and now . . . hitting the skins for a non-Lou Gramm, fair-touring Foreigner.
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Hank Jr? His father would get drunk and beat his ass if he was alive.
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I'd switch around #1 and #10.
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It's a shame about Julian Lennon. Sean is a no-talent piece of trash pushed on us by his screeching harpy of a mother, but Julian could have been so much bigger than he was if he wasn't so bitter.
Not that he doesn't have a reason to be bitter... that bitch Yoko did everything she could to keep him away from anything related to his father's legacy.
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I would put the killers on the list, just because they should be on any list of things that are disappointing and/or suck...
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What about Michael Douglas' cruddy DJ son? Does that count? Actually, you could probably have an entirely seperate list of DJs.
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Van Morrison's daughter. The apple fell pretty far from that tree...
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It's not easy to follow in the steps of legends.
http://www.myspace.com/leonhendrixband
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the majority of the marley kids should probably be on there somewhere
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Doesn't Alan Thicke count as royalty? He should, 'cause that Growing Pains theme song kicks massive amounts of ass. Anyway, his son is pretty hard to tolerate.
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Julian and Sean should switch places on that list. Or move Sean to #1 and take Julian off the list.
He'll never make a list like this, but I saw Justin Earle (Steve's son) play a few weeks ago. He was incredible.
http://myspace.com/justinearle
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If you're going to put Carnie Wilson on the list, you should probably put her bandmate/sister Wendy.
Actually, throw the whole Wilson Phillips band on there.
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mick jagger has how many kids?
do they all suck?
cause he has for the past 20 years or so.....
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a little off topic, but sometimes the progeny end up doing work equal to/better than the parent--i.e. tim buckley/jeff buckley.
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I'm seconding the nomination of some Marley children. Anyone but Damien (and maybe excluding Stephen, but we'll see when the album comes).
But Ziggy definitely needs to be there.
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If pot smoking makes people sterile how come Bob Marley could smoke 3 ounces a day and have 1500 children?
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my biggest annoyance is how jakob dylan says how much he hates the spotlight, and wants no connection to his father.
well if that's the case, why aren't you using your real name, ZIMMERMAN?!
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I'm going to throw out Franes Bean. Mostly because she hasn't done anything yet. Maybe that's a good thing though.
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Haven't seen Harper Simon mentioned yet.
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Haven't seen Harper Simon mentioned yet.
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Oh, I've got another one: Adam Cohen. Terrible, terrible, terrible MOR balladeer. He should actually top the list. In fact, I suspect nobody comes close - though Nicole Richie isn't too far.
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Oh, I've got another one: Adam Cohen. Terrible, terrible, terrible MOR balladeer. He should actually top the list. In fact, nobody comes close - maybe Nicole Richie?
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Blanket Jackson, can't sing at all, only makes muffled gasping for air noises.
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James Taylor is not in my top 5, 10, or 50 songwriters of alltime, but Ben Taylor isn't in my top 1000.
John Coltrane, easily one of the top 10 musical innovators of the 20th century.. and Ravi Coltrane.. ummm.
Johnny Cash & June Carter vs. Carlene Carter & Rosanna Cash?
David Campbell vs. Beck Hansen?
Woody Guthrie vs. Arlo Guthrie?
Serge Gainsbourg vs. Charlotte Gainsbourg?
Trickier ones.. Carter Family vs. June Carter? Ravi Shankar vs. Ananda Shankar (my vote goes for Ananda)? Ravi Shankar vs. Nora Jones?
Vera Lynn vs. Loretta Lynn (ok ok just kidding.. enough is enough I've obviously got too much time on my hands this evening)
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Jakob Dylan's last name is Dylan. Bob Dylan changed his name legally some time in the '60s I do believe.
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NO WAY, you totally got the Lennon thing reversed...SEAN is 10 billion times more embarrassing than Julian, not even close. That high stupid girly voice...the fact that he wouldn't even be making cds if it wasn't for mommy bankrolling it, the fact that HIS mom is the bitch that only sent Julian one single $10 (give or take) Lennon royalty check ONE-TIME (framed by Julian...never cashed.) Fuck that lil pooped-in-his-diapers till he was 8 years old (see lennon bio) rich bitch. At least Julian is real...plus, he's got daddy's voice, whether it's been put to great use or not.
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What about all the fictional illegitimate children of David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, and Ronnie Pudding?
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i too think that sean is far far worse than julian. now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go listen to too late for goodbyes.
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Hey Glenn,
Thanks for the tip on Justin Earle. I checked out his stuff on myspace and it's great, esp. "This City Tonight".
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C'mon, Sean is No. 1 by far and large. Remember that Gulf War I "Give Peace a Chance" 2.0 he and mama foisted upon us?
Or that New Yorker interview in the late '90s where he said that the gov't killed John lennon -- and if you believe otherwise then you're an idiot? (Meaning, of course, that Jimmy Carter gave the go-ahead to whack the Walrus).
He's not just bad. He's nuts.
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I got a feelin....somebody's watchin' me....they dont gimme no privacy...
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Sean needs to be moved up on the list, Julian isn't embarrassing at all and should be removed, and Kelly O really ought to be #1. And I don't see why Carnie has to take all the heat here. The blonde Phillips kid is way more annoying. I can't think of her first name.
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This list looks okay. Maybe put Kelly Osbourneand Nelson higher up on the list. I think Sean Lennon (he put out 2 decent albums), Jakob Dylan (The Wallflowers weren't even that bad), and maybe Frank Sinatra Jr (don't know about the other stuff he did besides that Family Guy episode) could be replaced with either Tracy Bonham, Eagle-Eye/Neneh Cherry/who cares they both aren't great, Hoku, or whoever.
Kelly Osbourne and Julian Lennon should be tied for #1. There's not much left to be said about how much Too Late For Goodbyes suck, but his other stuff isn't even barely listenable. Owen and Copeland shits all over Julian's soft stuff, and I'm probably going to get a lot of shit from most of you hipster Julian fanatics here and I really hate to say it, but MAN, does The Early November shit all over Julian Lennon's other upbeat stuff. If John Lennon was still alive, he would smack the shit out of Julian for that shit.
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Hopefully the new Julian Lennon album coming in 2007 will settle the debate.
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it's amazing to see how many people are sticking up for julian lennon.
musically speaking, julian is probably a little more cheesy and (maybe?) slightly less talented than sean, but sean is definitely the bigger piece of shit, maybe not by choice but because he came out of yoko's womb, therefore he should automatically be #1 and julian should be omitted.
we should all pay homage to the underdog.
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I agree with Adam Cohen. Oddly, I was just thinking earlier about a song I once heard of his and how awful it was and wondered if anyone else had even heard of him. Eagle-Eye Cherry is a good call, too, though I think Neneh makes up for it.
As for Tracy Bonham, she's not musical offspring. Not John Bonham's daughter, if that's what you're thinking, though she is a Zeppelin fan.
I know next to nothing about Sean Lennon (looks like I'm lucky). Julian doesn't deserve to be on that list, though. OF COURSE he isn't going to match up to a Beatle, but that doesn't mean he isn't a good artist in his own right.
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Here's 2 great progeny -- Justin Townes Earle and Jubal Lee Young.
Justin is awesome talent and self-released his fist EP, Yuma. It is superb. Another noteworthy progeny is Jubal Lee Young, son of alt-country great, Steve Young, composer of Seven Bridges Road (recorded by the Eagles and a dozen others folks) and Lonesome, On'ry and Mean (Waylon Jennings' signature tune). Jubal is a powerful vocalist and excellent songwriter.
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Julian Lennon doesn't even belong on this list, much less at #1. Valotte is a respectable album.
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