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August 3, 2005

"Trapped In The Closet" Cliffs Notes

Those who were confused by R. Kelly's five-part urban opera are in luck. Somethingawful.com has Cliffs Notes complete with a "character sex map" and glossary of difficult words and phrases:

Shuh, shuh: Cathy makes this sound to indicate to Sylvester that he should be quiet.

Shit is going down: Bad things are going to happen.

Y'all ass is crazy: Your entire ass is crazy.

Read and learn...

Posted at 3:46 PM
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36 Comments

FIRST

Posted by: this shit is retarded at 08/03/05 4:04 PM | Reply
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somethingaWful.com

:)

Posted by: potato at 08/03/05 4:08 PM | Reply
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"shuh" is hush backwards.

(i'm wearing my 'special' hat today. shuh. )

Posted by: the dish at 08/03/05 5:34 PM | Reply
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Dude, R.Kelly puts out like 2 albums a year, consisting of nothing but thinly disguised, unclever metaphors for sex. Seriosuly, every single song he writes is about how much he like to fuck, and not even in an intelligent, eloquent, D'Angelo or Maxwell neo-soul sort of way, it's like stuff most people were too clever for even at age 12, yet this guy pisses on a 14 year olds and gets rich from this shit.

Posted by: robb at 08/03/05 5:35 PM | Reply
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"shuh" isn't "hush" backwards.

Posted by: wha at 08/03/05 5:40 PM | Reply
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shuh, wha. shuh.

Posted by: Irish at 08/03/05 6:01 PM | Reply
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Man, neo-soul is, like, 5 years ago. And D'Angelo hasn't put out a full album since 2000. And Maxwell hasn't put out an album since 2001. You don't know what you're talking about. Not that I like R. Kelly, but I know what I don't know about hip hop and R&B.

Posted by: janine at 08/03/05 6:04 PM | Reply
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Neo soul is still around, see Van Hunt and Anthony Hamilton, but admittedly, I don't know my R&B. The point I'm trying to illustrate is that R Kelly Sucks to the tenth power and then some, and it's hard to not laugh while listening to him.

Posted by: robb at 08/03/05 8:48 PM | Reply
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The fact that R. Kelly even exists makes me so very depressed.

But then, I'm not 14 years old, and I don't like getting peed on.

Posted by: The 15-Minute Hipster at 08/03/05 9:59 PM | Reply
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Good music here... Yeah, I'm a whore.

Posted by: Nigel at 08/03/05 10:55 PM | Reply
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So it's kinda like Bohemian Rhapsody...for pedophiles?

Posted by: david brent at 08/04/05 12:08 AM | Reply
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I'm not legitimizing R. Kelly's pedophilia (go to jail!), and of course he's no D'Angelo, but seriously, the remix of "Step in the Name of Love" is like 7 minutes long, like a manifesto. And "Feelin' on Your Booty"- I'm sorry, but that's a really good unclever song. "This is my song, for real, no doubt, 'cause the DJ's makin' me feel thugged out." First post ever, Stereogum lover, don't be mean to me because I like R. Kelly.

Posted by: amy at 08/04/05 12:18 AM | Reply
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Ignition (Remix) : R. Kelly :: I Want You Back : Michael Jackson

Posted by: David SL at 08/04/05 12:37 AM | Reply
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I like the "Ignition" remix. Don't know why, but when I hear that song I go full out in a sing-a-long.

Posted by: calliwell at 08/04/05 1:34 AM | Reply
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Then a simple "R Kelly sucks" would suffice. Many would agree, though like calliwell, the Remix to Ignition makes me indescribably happy (as in, I can't describe why I'm happy).

BTW, both Van Hunt and Anthony Hamilton reject the "neo-soul" designation. Put it this way, is there any band out there right now who'd let themselves be called "Alternative?"

Posted by: janine at 08/04/05 10:03 AM | Reply
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Brilliant Cliff Notes for a genius mini-drama. I'm speechless.

Posted by: michele at 08/04/05 10:12 AM | Reply
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OH MY GOD A RUBBER

Posted by: jb at 08/04/05 10:51 AM | Reply
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Is there an original "Ignition?" Or is it just the remix?

Posted by: Trey at 08/04/05 11:05 AM | Reply
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simply hillarious

Posted by: AndrewT at 08/04/05 11:16 AM | Reply
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That's pretty funny. I like the literary appreciation style treatment of the song. It's an American Masterpiece- and I say that from a UK perspective.

Posted by: Daniel at 08/04/05 11:26 AM | Reply
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he blowz my mind... r. kelly is pure genius!

the great american novel yall

Posted by: haris pilton at 08/04/05 12:23 PM | Reply
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i just love concept albums

Posted by: haha at 08/04/05 12:25 PM | Reply
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Hey, GWB is trying to overturn Roe vee Wade! How about an R.Kelly song about that! In the end, maybe he can pee on an abortion clinic, and then get a sack full of money.

Posted by: jed2 at 08/04/05 12:55 PM | Reply
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re: Trey

There is an original "Ignition," but have you heard Bonnie "Prince" Billy's version? AMAZING.

Posted by: pageblank at 08/04/05 1:37 PM | Reply
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R. kelly Is a musical genius....That boy has always been bad...I remember him on Rush Street in Chi- Town back in the day..I would love him to produce me....Just don't Pee on me...I'm Cool wit that.

Posted by: DaSongstress at 08/10/05 1:30 PM | Reply
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You people are idiots

Posted by: A fan at 08/14/05 6:17 PM | Reply
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R Kelly is a great musician and producer.
i love all of his albums.

he is number one no matter what!!!

Posted by: sad at 08/24/05 2:34 PM | Reply
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i like the movie

Posted by: Philip RRomano at 08/24/05 8:02 PM | Reply
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Music is dead, I 'am watching the 2005 MTV awards--all I can say is today's music is unoriginal, boring and RAP!! R Kelly should be in jail for his crimes---oh I forgot he happens to be a celebrity and in the United States celebrities can do no wrong!!

Posted by: Youhavegottobekidding at 08/28/05 9:19 PM | Reply
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Honestly. Have you NOT heard the song Trapped in the Closet? I laughed so hard when I saw the whole "play" on the VMAs. Could he suck anyw worse? This shouldn't even be called a song. It sounds like some idiot decied to try and be creative and make a long song about the hardships of a man. But then, it just turned out to be a conversation some valley girl had.
He said, and then she said and then I said. What the hell was he thinking?

Posted by: Honestly? at 08/30/05 2:17 AM | Reply
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Trapped in the closet is a masterpiece since it's unique and nobody did such a thing before.

the way r does it when he tells the plot by singing it with dramatic moments is great.

all of you kells haters don't know what u r talkin about.

Posted by: Sadeh at 09/05/05 10:31 AM | Reply
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man r kellys tp3 album is off the chain put my t shirt on. what dude. how can someone even think of something like that.guys how many times have u seen your girl wearing ur shirt after sex and after showers. that is so sexy only kells would think of something like that. and oh yeah i am a white boy.

Posted by: rivo at 10/12/05 10:48 AM | Reply
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its a masterpiece because its original?

if i wrote a 10 part 'operetta' about preparing thanksgiving meal while at the same time having to keep the snakes from eating my kids, would it be a masterpiece too? its mroe creative than this shit.

oh well. its a good laugh, and i have all 5 vids on my comp.

Posted by: taylor at 10/22/05 10:34 PM | Reply
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all yall people hating on kells need to go get a life. Since all u can do is sit around saying how much u hate some one for whatever reason u have. Hes hot his music is hot and yall arent so stop hatin

Posted by: liz at 11/05/05 8:02 PM | Reply
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R-KEELY IS A A VERY IMPRESSIVE LYRICAL MAN. NO MATTER WHAT EVERYONE ELES THINKS I THINK THE MAN HAS TALENT

Posted by: TIFFANY at 11/05/05 8:06 PM | Reply
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Trapped in the Closet...w o r s t s o n g e v e r! People shouldn't be surprised so many people like this song. Just look at how they spell when writing comments about it...

Posted by: Dave-O at 08/03/06 12:38 PM | Reply
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