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July 28, 2005

Trapped In The Closet

Blogcritics.org has identified the Top 10 Worst Song Lyrics ... Ever. Perhaps the only time you'll see Coldplay and Warrant on the same list.

There's one I'd like to add. I hope by now you've seen this "urban operetta." Not only are the lyrics fucking hysterical, but they're acted out so literally, I watch in disbelief every time it's on TV.

He walks in there with a smile on his face saying "honey I've been missing you"
She hops all over him and says "I've cooked and ran your bathwater"
I'm telling you now this girl is so good she deserves an Oscar
The girl's in the bed he starts snatching her clothes off
I'm in the closet like man, what the fuck is going on?
You're not going to believe it but things get deeper as the story goes on
Next thing you know a call comes through on my cell phone
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate
But from the way he acted I could tell it was too late
He hopped up and said "there’s a mystery going on and I'm going to solve it"
And I'm like "God please don't let this man open his closet"
Watch R. Kelly's "Trapped In The Closet Chapter 1" here. Can't get enough? Watch ALL FIVE CHAPTERS here (PC only; if you have a Mac link post in the comments).

I hear we'll get Chapters 6-10 if R. Kelly doesn't go to jail.

Posted at 10:56 AM
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113 Comments

I can't wait for part 6!

Posted by: Michele at 07/28/05 11:27 AM | Reply
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my wife and i are fascinated by how ridiculous this is ... vh1 seems to be running the video all the time ... and it's so bad i'm surprised Vincent Gallo isn't in it

Posted by: clashed at 07/28/05 11:28 AM | Reply
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and i've always thought Rod Stewart "Maggie May" has the worst line of all time

"or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool"

that's a corny turd in the rod stewart punchbowl

Posted by: clashed at 07/28/05 11:30 AM | Reply
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OH MY GOD A RUBBER!!

Posted by: lytle at 07/28/05 11:32 AM | Reply
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There's this part at the end of the Closet p.1 song which I found amusing, though I'm sure it's meant to portray anxiousness.

Goes something like "He looks at the closet. He walks towards the closet, he's walking towards the closet. He opens the closet, he's opening the closet, he's opening the closet." Something repetitive like that..

Good stuff, r.kelly.

Posted by: Alex at 07/28/05 11:33 AM | Reply
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Please don't down Maggie May. I love those lyrics. I really really love those lyrics.

Posted by: Rob at 07/28/05 11:35 AM | Reply
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i'm sorry, but r. kelly's "trapped in the closet" series is amazing. horribly amazing. it's probably one of the most unbelievable, over-produced, self-aggrandizing waste that's ever been created. it's hilarious to watch the videos, and even more hilarious when you actually listen to the lyrics of these trainwrecks that he calls songs. god bless r. kelly for taking over for mariah carey in the "crazy ego masturbator" category for 2005.

Posted by: jack at 07/28/05 11:42 AM | Reply
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If you think that line from Maggie May is dumb, that's cause you don't get it. It's supposed to be ridiculous, just like "or find myself a rock n' roll band that needs a helping hand." He's listing ridiculous things that aren't gonna happen because he knows he can't leave her.

Posted by: Billy K at 07/28/05 11:42 AM | Reply
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How can you make a list of the worst song lyrics and not include anything by Lenny Kravitz or Soul Asylum?

"MacArthur Park" and the Pete Yorn song get a pass from me just because the lyrics are so odd you can tell they at least knew they were a bit unusual and awkward when they wrote them.

Faux-sentiment and cliches are far more offensive than someone trying a bit too hard to be unconventional.

Posted by: AlanRudolph at 07/28/05 11:57 AM | Reply
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i tivo'd r kelly so whenever i need a lift or a good chuckkle i run it again. i;d love to see some more of these out. reminds me of thriller in a way

Posted by: dsp at 07/28/05 12:00 PM | Reply
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Why didn't they add Destiny's Child's "Cater 2U"? Or anything from their latest album? And R. Kelly definitely... most of his catalog of lyrics is pretty stupid. I guess they'd successfully forgotten about "You Remind Me (of My Jeep)", "Half on a Baby", and other examples of R. Kelly's fine work at composing horrible lyrics.

Craig David should be included as well, for his "Bootyman" song.

Also: Anything Gwen Stefani, and Britney Spears

Posted by: dp2.0 at 07/28/05 12:00 PM | Reply
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Did you ever notice how R Kelly has all of his clothes on when he's having sex with his naked wife? Then he gets a leg cramp and she calls him "the greatest lover"? It's all so captivatingly weird.

Posted by: timmy at 07/28/05 12:01 PM | Reply
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if we're going to call out r. kelly's most ridiculous songs, the obvious winner is "Feelin' on Your Booty", or maybe it was "Feelin' on the Booty". i forget. either way, that song was genius.

Posted by: jack at 07/28/05 12:26 PM | Reply
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Much like the VMA story a few days ago--what good reason is there to take a list like this, or its compiler, seriously? The writer displays a book by author Pat Pattison, who gives workshops on songwriting, (much like the didactic a-hole from "Adaptation")--ostensibly to lead readers in the "right" direction. However, a quick Google of the name Pat Pattison leads to his (or her?) website, which features a quote from workshop attendee...John Mayer, number one on the list of bad lyrice! Geez.

Lists like these need a little more direction and specificity--otherwise they become a collection of rants from guys looking through their CD collections and coming across easy targets.

Posted by: Eric at 07/28/05 12:26 PM | Reply
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Verse 1 of Motley Crue's "Too Fast for Love"

"Oh no oh no
Oh no oh no
Living on a jet
Making love to someone else's dream
Say it again
She puts her legs up
Well calls it good luck
Do you know what I mean?
Do you remember?
Well I remember"

Hunh? What? That, that's not even misogynous. It simply makes no sense.

Posted by: janine at 07/28/05 12:26 PM | Reply
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woo, woo, woo damn
it was a police-man

Posted by: jb at 07/28/05 12:28 PM | Reply
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so just spent work time watching the "operetta" where r. kelly pulls out his beretta. on part 5 you have to love the picture on the wall, its his own silhouette.

Posted by: mike at 07/28/05 12:32 PM | Reply
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What's with all the R.Kelly haters? I personally think it's kind of crazy, but kind of interesting. I mean, when Mike Skinner does literal, this-is-what-is-happening lyrics, the hipsters call it "genius." R.Kelly is flamboyant and ridiculous, but the tracks are as innovative as anything from "A Grand Don't Come For Free". I sense a bit of the rock/rap divide here--rap is usually about flamboyance and triumphalism, rock is usually about self-deprecation, and the two sides distrust one another because of this.

Posted by: pageblank at 07/28/05 12:41 PM | Reply
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It should be also noted that R. Kelly has a song called "I Like the Crotch on You"

Posted by: kt at 07/28/05 12:48 PM | Reply
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Bono's worst lyrics (from "Electrical Storm"):

The air is heavy, heavy as a truck/ Need the rain to wash away our bad luck.

bleh!!!!

Posted by: Vince at 07/28/05 12:54 PM | Reply
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i think the most nausea-inducing r. kelly song might be "sex in the kitchen":

Cutting up tomatoes, fruits and vegetables and potatoes,
Girl, you look so sexy while you're doing the damn thang I want.
Sex in the kitchen over by the stove,
Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls.
Hands on the table, on your tippy toes,
We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed.

Posted by: sophie at 07/28/05 1:02 PM | Reply
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Bauhaus is reuniting; that's all I care about...

Posted by: dirt at 07/28/05 1:05 PM | Reply
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Say you don't know me, or recognize my face
Say you don't care who goes to that kind of place
Knee deep in the hoopla, sinking in your fight
Too many runaways eating up the night

Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember
We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll

Posted by: N at 07/28/05 1:05 PM | Reply
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i can't wait for dave chappelle to get a hold of this and make an already comical video 100 times better.

Posted by: John G. at 07/28/05 1:07 PM | Reply
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I didn't see my two favorites:

Eddie Money from 'Take me home tonight': "I got a hunger... It's a hunger".

Elton John; "If I were a sculptor, then again, No."

Can't these people work this stuff out before recording the song?

Posted by: drew at 07/28/05 1:08 PM | Reply
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Actually, in response to the person talking about the rock/rap divide, I know a lot of white indie kids who love listening to rap and its fucked-up musings. The standard applied to artists is completely different, and arguably racist. It seems like music people can look past the woman-hating, homophobic, materialistic, consumeristic, ultraviolent, self-aggrandizing, and sexually predatory content of much of mainstream rap because they expect that kind of content coming from a black person, but if Beck or Thom Yorke or Stephen Malkmus starting in with that shit, it would be called "offensive". Eminem, anyone? I mean he got all sorts of hitherto unheard of flak from right and left alike, and he's not even half as "white boy" as most of our beloved indie rock stars. I'm glad Scott is lampooning this shit because I think it begs lampooning. Why should we leave it alone because it's "rap", and that's the standard?


Posted by: jed2 at 07/28/05 1:10 PM | Reply
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I posted this up on my site a couple of days ago... absolutely hilarious. I was in stitches the whole way through!

I was wondering if there was any deeper meaning to a song about 'coming out of the closet'.. i guess it's one way of showing you're not into 14 year old girls!

I reckon by episode 10 you'll have rkelly humping the policeman and his missus involved in some sort of bestiality.

Posted by: james headphonesex at 07/28/05 1:12 PM | Reply
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Vince, I always thought that lyric was "The air is heavy, heavy as a drug". Not that that's any better.

Posted by: sisi at 07/28/05 1:21 PM | Reply
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the maggie may thing that bugs me is the bad pun of it ... maybe you didnt realise that "steal his cue" is an expression plus the literal "steal his cue-stick"

steal my daddys cue/playing pool is as bad as someone saying "i play soccer for kicks" ...

Posted by: clashed at 07/28/05 1:22 PM | Reply
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You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it
Something like my sound, I wanna pump it
Girl you look just like my cars, I wanna wax it
And something like my bank account
I wanna spend it baby

Is there anything more romantic than R. Kelly's lyrics?

Posted by: starbody at 07/28/05 1:27 PM | Reply
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Gummer, first Kelly Clarkson's school girl pix, and lack of feminine hygiene... now R Kelly, am I paranoid or is there a thread somewhere in there? these posts are getting strange! BTW speaking of bizarre lyrics anything by Phish should top out in that catagory...leave Rod alone...

Posted by: Yale Bloor at 07/28/05 1:34 PM | Reply
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re: Jed2

Of course we shouldn't excuse people from being homophobic or sexist. But the people who are dancing to 50 cent's "Magic Stick" are sometimes the same people lampooning R.Kelly. Both are ridiculously sexual, but for some reason one is worth irony quotation marks and the other isn't, even though R.Kelly is more formally innovative. And however ridiculous this song-sequence is--and I admit its pretty ridiculous--it's trying to address social issues, not simply complimenting the performer's own sexual power.

What I find interesting is that people can ignore the sexist/homophobic aspects of rap when it suits, but if the song strays too far from frivolity it becomes a target for attack.

I'd be interested in discussing this further with anyone outside of this comments section.

Posted by: pageblank at 07/28/05 1:37 PM | Reply
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And before Willie flames me for using Gummer (always intended as a term of endearment) please note I'm not making light of Willies denture problems and/or his abilities or inability's to perform oral sex.

Posted by: Yale Bloor at 07/28/05 1:39 PM | Reply
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I did a whole write-up on this brilliant, brilliant drama here. (I only did parts 1 and 2. I'd love to read more commentary on 3 thru 5.)

Posted by: Jason at 07/28/05 1:48 PM | Reply
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My man and I went through a week-and-a-half-long phase where we couldn't get this song out of our heads. It was fun at first but quickly became a sort of hell.

The thing that makes this song so captivatingly strange is that it doesn't actually *go* anywhere. It has a HUGE buildup, several (one literal) climaxes, but it ends with this silly little coincidence that basically would warrant a "Huh. Well, small world."

Don't you wonder about the pitch meeting for the song? "Yeah! That's a brilliant idea! A five-part rap opera about... well, somebody who's down with somebody who went to high school with someone who introduced R. Kelly's girlfriend to a policeman with whom she's cheating on him?" Huh?

Posted by: Jennifer at 07/28/05 1:48 PM | Reply
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ok you guys, this R Kelly video IS AWESOME!!! Its so over the top and weird. And i thought his portrayal of the down-low guy was really sympathetic. Oddest, most compelling tv i've seen in a while.

Posted by: noah at 07/28/05 1:48 PM | Reply
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Pageblank: it seems like we sort of agree, really. Speaking for myself, I find the production aspects of a lot of modern rap and r&b to be pretty compelling, but it's the overall content and tone I find disgusting. It makes me unable to appreciate it fully. I mean it's just so blantantly anti-everything any self-respecting liberal could get behind, yet people turn a blind eye because I think that for white indie people, listening to that stuff is mostly about tokenization anyway, so the people creating it and its content don't need to be taken seriously. The real question to me is why is the standard of quality in lyrics and general personal accountability so much different for rap? Is it because our society has nothing to gain from the majority of black men ceasing to be seen as childish, hedonistic, violent sexual predators? I mean why isn't this a more important issue to people? Is it because people are afraid of feeling uncomfortable? To me, it's a pretty enormous problem that 99% of black men depicted on television, including "left-leaning" outlets like MTV, are depicted as being immature, dangerous monsters. That's a pretty big conflict of interest, and we can't go around acting like it doesn't affect the society we live in. End rant.

Posted by: jed2 at 07/28/05 1:49 PM | Reply
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You can all watch chapters 1-5 on http://www.r-kelly.com
Amazing and compulsive viewing.. insane. Like a car wreck..

Posted by: Amy at 07/28/05 2:02 PM | Reply
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This has been a good year for cringeworthy radio singles. From the unfortunate slang of Hollaback Girl to the Ying Yang Twins' promise to "beat the pussy up", but nothing's been more apalling to me than when in "Give Me That", Bun B hopes that a girl will "let my people bust on her face and her belly with me."

Also, back to to the Whisper Song, do girls really hang out in clubs with thongs in their mouths?

Posted by: Presto at 07/28/05 2:43 PM | Reply
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I thought the list of worst lyrics was terrible. Of course, my first requirement of such a discussion is that if Stone Temple Pilots "And the dogs begin to smell her" isnt on there, I cant take it seriously. But really, Mayers Wonderland? While I am not a fan of his, it was the lyrics that people loved. People knew what they were and loved them. And sorry, who doesnt know that Meatloaf song was tongue in cheek? And Manilow? The lyric is "I write the songs that make the whole world sing." And to some extent, he actually has the bragging rights to say such a thing. I would bet that a good majority of people cant hear that lyric without singing it back to themselves. Tons of people are fans of that guy. It doesnt matter that most of them are middle-aged women. Those ladies still swoon. But anyway, I digress.

Bauhaus reuniting? Again? I saw the Resurrection (?) tour in 2000. Loved the Dead Can Dance cover.

Posted by: zipyflavor at 07/28/05 2:48 PM | Reply
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"EVERYBODY'S RAPPIN LIKE IT'S A COMMERCIAL/
ACTIN' LIKE LIFE IS A BIG COMMERCIAL"

Worst rap lyric ever, courtesy of Mike D and the Beastie Boys.

Posted by: the management at 07/28/05 3:07 PM | Reply
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I said my leg is about to crack
Then she cries out
Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax
And I said cool
Climax
Just let go of my leg

hilarious!

Posted by: memememe at 07/28/05 3:08 PM | Reply
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The last line of the chorus to Queen Latifah's "Fly Girl" leaps into my brain:

But I’m not the type of girl that you think I am
I don’t jump into the arms of every man
(but I’m paid) I don’t need your money
(I love you) you must be mad
Easy lover is something that I ain’t
Besides, I don’t know you from a can of paint

Posted by: james at 07/28/05 4:59 PM | Reply
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geez... i am actually stunned by that r.kelly video. i can't stop thinking about it. i've taken all my artistic ambitions, placed them in a shoebox, and slid them under my bed. what do i need them for anymore? r.kelly has so definitively defined the human condition that no more art should follow in the wake of his 'trapped in the closet' operetta.

oh, and john g... you're so right. damn i miss chappelle show.

Posted by: shaun at 07/28/05 5:06 PM | Reply
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i mean 'thoroughly defined'... not 'definitively defined'. the latter is redundant. damn you r.kelly... you've even forced my verbal abilities to submit in confusion to your awesome artistic vision.

Posted by: shaun at 07/28/05 5:10 PM | Reply
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i hate the whole thing, but can't seem to tear myself away from the television when it's on.

Posted by: kenicke at 07/28/05 5:13 PM | Reply
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Checks under the bed (bed)
then under the dresser (dresser)
He looks at the closet (closet)
I pull out my berretta (berretta)
He walks up to the closet (closet)
He’s close up to the closet (closet)
Now he’s at the closet (closet)
Now he’s opening the closet (closet, closet, closet)


...ridiculous

Posted by: blaze at 07/28/05 5:40 PM | Reply
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a couple weeks ago, there was totally a show at the ucb theatre that showed and dissected this masterpiece of ridiculousness. unfortunately, i couldn't make it, but i bet it was AWESOME.

Posted by: bran at 07/28/05 5:47 PM | Reply
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That new Better Than Ezra single has mind bendingly awful lyrics... He's singing about makin' it for the first time:

And you were standing
On the hood of the car
Singing out loud
When the sun came up.

And I know I wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes
Felt like a lifetime.

Three and a half minutes?! Wow, what a God-Awful euphemism for sex. And thanks for significantly diminishing my youthful memories of R.E.M. for me. Fuck me running. It makes me ill and the song is on the radio all the time.

Posted by: heminator at 07/28/05 7:28 PM | Reply
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dude. how is foreigner (ANY song/lyric) not up here? esp after the treatment aqua teen hunger force gave 'em. i realize it's only a top/bottom 10, but surely someone in the comments section would've picked up on it by now...

Posted by: hot blooded at 07/28/05 10:15 PM | Reply
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thank you for making me laugh during something that i'm sure r.kelly didn't anticipate being funny. part 1 was enough. although there is a morbid curiosity to see how far this hideousness goes. i don't think i could stomach more chapters. where's dave chappelle when you need him? i thought maybe r. kelly was going to take a piss in the closet. maybe that's a squirt gun filled with urine and not a berretta.

Posted by: melina at 07/28/05 10:59 PM | Reply
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according to my Comcast dvr, VH1 is running "R. Kelly's Urban Opera" (all 5 vignette-shitnettes) at 1:30 pm CST 7/31, 12:00 pm CST 8/05, and 11:00 pm CST PM 8/05, and 10:00 pm CST 8/10.

dude is out of his fucking mind. priceless.

Posted by: jeff b. at 07/29/05 12:28 AM | Reply
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Only trouble is, gee wiz, I'm dreamin' my life away

Posted by: jackhenry at 07/29/05 1:39 AM | Reply
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This is nothing new. R.Kelly did this opera shit before, anyone remember "Contagious"?

It was part of another Opera that had R.Kelly always sleeping with Ron Isley's women and he's always catching them.

One had Kelly Price, Ron Isley and R.Kelly singing into the phone...everything from "hellooo...let's make this a three way convo. Ok...you're onnn."

Anyways, I saw all these videos when flipping through the channels one night. Except R.Kelly was hosting a special, and after segment he'd mouth the words to the songs and shout "THAT'S MOTHER FUCKIN' BRILLIANT!"

What can I say? The man makes me laugh.

Posted by: calliwell at 07/29/05 1:40 AM | Reply
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I'm wondering how Danzig managed to evade the list...has anyone heard "Ratfink" or "Attitude" by the Misfits?

Posted by: Biz at 07/29/05 2:09 AM | Reply
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damn, i thought i was gonna be the first person to reference contagious. oh well. it may not be the best video but as far as the songs are concerned I actually like them. He's nowhere near as profound as he likes to think he is but at least he is original and not like all the other rappers in his wifebeater talking about chains, whips and kicks.

Posted by: angie at 07/29/05 7:11 AM | Reply
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and speaking of kicks, i hated nelly's air force ones song. i thought it was a commercial when i heard it. Let me treat you to some of the quality lyrics:
I said give me two pair
(cause) I need two pair
So I can get to stompin in my air force ones
(Big boys) stompin in my air force ones

Now if you looked, and seen lime green forces and kiwi
(Big boy) you couldn't get this color if you had a personal genie
(Big boy) you now I keep it hip-hop
My niggas flip flop
(Big boy) yea my force ones and tip top
(Me) now form a flip flop, (big boy)

Posted by: angie at 07/29/05 7:14 AM | Reply
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Jack, you're right. R. Kelly's most craptastic song was "Feelin' on Yo Booty."

And regarding the discussion about overlooking rap's misogynistic lyrics because of tokenization, how does that explain the acceptance of lyrics from 80s hair bands? From "She's only 17" (which should rank in the top 10 for worst lyrics ever) to "I used to love her, but I had to kill her/And I can still hear her complain," plenty of crappy 80s songs had lyrics that weren't the kindest to women. ZZ Top even got away with "Pearl Necklace." The problem is, people are offended by this content when it's from the mouth of a menacing, thug-like rapper who looks like he's ready to do some damage. If it's done by anyone else, it's fun and tongue-in-cheek. I'd actually love to hear Stephen Malkmus do a Snoop cover, possibly "Ain't no fun if the homies can't haaaave none."

Posted by: Noelle at 07/29/05 4:59 PM | Reply
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"You remind me of my jeep... I wanna ride..." Anyone anyone?? Bueller?

Posted by: blonde geek at 07/30/05 10:27 AM | Reply
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there's more than 1 part??? i saw part one and thought it was some kind of spoof, turned out it was real...

these kinds of songs are so bad, they become good

Posted by: haris pilton at 07/30/05 12:19 PM | Reply
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at the end he's pulling his gun...

yeah right... like he's going to shoot! first you trialed for rape now for murder, get real

Posted by: haris pilton at 07/30/05 12:20 PM | Reply
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what baffles me is the Pastor who is not only bisexual and having an affair with a man, but who also threatens domestic violence at least two or three times...what the fuck???

also, why does Kells pull out a gun? why does he have a gun on him? and why does he feel he needs to flash it around? and why the hell did he feel it was important to the story???

to add: "NO SCRUBS" should be up there with the worst of the lyrical compositions...basically any R&B song from the past 5-10 years.

Posted by: MaG at 07/31/05 6:23 PM | Reply
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r kelly looks like one of the cast of planet of the apes.

Posted by: Jenny Costantino at 07/31/05 7:36 PM | Reply
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r kelly is excatly the type of person that screws up what music is. i hate him he is so anoying. if he wants to make that crap, it should be put on stage for like, an opera or something. every time i want to watch The Andy Milonakis Show, Stupid R. Kelly comes on. The song is like what 2 hours of this stuff that sucks, yet it has it's own show all over the tele. how can that be? it really shows me how screwed up music has gotten over the years...

Posted by: Stoneyyyy at 08/03/05 12:51 PM | Reply
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http://abc.go.com/primetime/jimmykimmel/index.html?lid=ABCCOMMenu&lpos=LateNight
(click on "Watch Clips Here")

jimmy kimmel spoofs "the closet".
"the pizza" chapters 1-3.

funniest thing since chappelle's take on r. kelly!

Posted by: blah at 08/04/05 10:32 AM | Reply
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you're all mindless freaks, trapped in the closet is amazing. it takes a talented mind to come up with something like this. its not like the situations arent realistic, it could happen to any of us.
and the guy in the sex tape doesnt even look like kelly. the case was canceled due to lack of evidence.
lets get excited for parts 6-10!

Posted by: stef at 08/04/05 1:25 PM | Reply
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That is the single worst video EVER! I can't believe MTV aired such a down syndrome work of crap. I am much dumber for glancing at all 30 seconds of it. R Kelly should be banned from music.

Posted by: micke at 08/04/05 2:53 PM | Reply
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The best video with the most awesomest lyrics is Dave Chappelle's version of R. Kelly's Feelin' on Yo Booty, I Want to Pee on You!

Posted by: Jaded at 08/04/05 4:02 PM | Reply
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Hush, Hush Quiet. Hurry up put me in the closet. We laughed hysterically at this thing at the firehouse.

Posted by: Jeren at 08/05/05 3:04 AM | Reply
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R Kelly Should hook-up with Rufus

Posted by: larry at 08/05/05 3:07 AM | Reply
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Trapped in the closet is hilarious. My husband said he should pay tyler perry for stealing his stuff. it is catch, silly, and vaugly familiar. Now who doesn't know of a man who has cheated on his wife. or a woman who cheated on her husband. or some gay guy or one that is on the dl. it is supposed to be drama. it is supposed to be funny. lighten up people!!!

Now, what I really want to know is who set up who to get with who? The circle is to neat to be a coincidence. did Cathy want Sylvester so she set up Gwen with the cop? WAs Roxanne trying to help out her boy Rufus by getting Cathy to set up Gwen with the cop? Did the cop call Gwen and tell her that her man was on the way home?

It was funny. Not to be taken seriously. R. Kelly is an entertainer get it paid to entertain. not a politician. if you don't like it (like my husband) don't watch it. But it is so ridiculous how can you not help it? LOL

wilykat

Posted by: wilykat at 08/06/05 2:38 PM | Reply
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you people don't know real music r kelly is the man when is come to music and trapped in the closet is cool and i can't wait for chapter 6 - 10 so go get your money some where else cos you ain't gettin' no more paper out r.kels

Posted by: kris paterson at 08/10/05 5:37 AM | Reply
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GO R.KELLY, i went out n bought the cd just to watch them all the day it came out, i watched the first airing on BET!!, you did it again my i can't wait for chapters 6-10!!, i was soo shocked by what happened n want to know more!!...call me crazy but i think its better then all thse" i got hoes, n guns n drugs,....sex me now"...not sayin i dont like them;)...but its a series that leads you to want more,...n i dont see how its soo funny,...anyways you haters need to get a life...... peace n be easy nigga
kayla

Posted by: Kayla Lyon at 08/23/05 9:41 PM | Reply
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Anyone who has ever said anything positive about Trapped in the Closet better be extremely embarrassed after watching his live performance on the VMAs last night. I just don't even know what I was watching, but it was NOT GOOD.

Posted by: jayme at 08/29/05 12:19 PM | Reply
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r kelly is the best is the buz if you do not get this music video your a crack head

Posted by: scott at 08/30/05 6:54 PM | Reply
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all you dumb crackers are stupid pieces of shit the trapped in the closet series are tight you fags just be haten

Posted by: nigrodamus at 08/31/05 6:40 PM | Reply
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i mean come on ya'll, get a dayum life!
the "urban operetta" is amazing! somthing that has never been thought of! R. Kelly keps finding ways to re-invent himself like no other artist out there. forget his personal life, thats his buisness, i admit i dont agree with what i've heard about his personal life, but its juss that! "HIS PERSONAL LIFE"!! not ours!!
as an artist, no one can touch him!
The man is a R&B Genius!!
Give him his props, and stop being such idiots, cuz wether u like him or not...people are buyin his music, and ur on a message board going on and on about how horrible he is. try juding your own talents, i mean if surfin the web is a talent (Low-Blow). R. Kelly, Do yo' Thang!
Keepin it Rican!

Posted by: PoLO~RiCaN!! at 09/01/05 1:01 PM | Reply
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while i think that r kelly is crazy but he did do his thing in the videos and i heard the part when r kelly had left the house and ruthes and chuck and cathiaie was talking to each other while peice he had made in that house that's the only part i know that i liked it.......1..................i wish r kelly could her what am saying right know

Posted by: Takerah at 09/01/05 9:29 PM | Reply
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Operetta?
I take dumps that are more fun to watch than this video.
Or videos.
Anyone could write this stuff. Does it rhyme?
Does it even follow some sort of rhyming pattern?
This is like playing tennis without a net, or rules.
Maybe he can make his next CD 10 foot by 10 foot so more of his face can be on the front of it.

Posted by: Gimme a Break at 09/04/05 5:27 AM | Reply
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a rubber rubber rubber rubber. like what person was like "r kelly you need to fade out on rubber." also, i love that she throws her wig into the closet when shes hiding him and then the husband looks in the dresser for r kelly. hello amazing!

Posted by: sara bee at 09/06/05 2:30 PM | Reply
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That new Better Than Ezra single has mind bendingly awful lyrics... He's singing about makin' it for the first time:

And you were standing
On the hood of the car
Singing out loud
When the sun came up.

And I know It wasn't right,
But it felt so good.
And your mother didn't mind,
Like I thought she would.
And that REM song was playing
In my mind.
And three and a half minutes
Felt like a lifetime.

Three and a half minutes?! Wow, what a God-Awful euphemism for sex. And thanks for significantly diminishing my youthful memories of R.E.M. for me. Fuck me running. It makes me ill and the song is on the radio all the time.

Posted by: heminator at July 28, 2005 07:28 PM

- Um....heminator? I think your mind must have been/be in the gutter, since the theme of this song deals with the death of a close friend.

Posted by: MS at 09/07/05 8:31 PM | Reply
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I just want to say that chapters 1-5 of trapped in the closet is the bomb and I can't wait to see chapters 6-10.Ilove you R-Kelly.

Posted by: Cherise at 09/08/05 1:41 PM | Reply
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r.kelly im really sry but trapped in the closet 1-5 sucked ass.they were terrible songs.

Posted by: jeanette at 09/11/05 1:29 PM | Reply
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i love the song trapped in the closet people shouldn't diss it they are just prudes

Posted by: kristine at 09/15/05 10:53 AM | Reply
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I just can't wait for chapter 6 to 10

Posted by: fgjktdt,ol,ijfbgil loi xbo8f at 09/15/05 10:58 PM | Reply
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I love R.kelly I went to the web sit that shows the mtv music awardes and a new cartone one but can't find it no one dose any one what web site it is? please helpppppppppp!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: babyface at 09/28/05 11:47 AM | Reply
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AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Posted by: TIANA at 10/03/05 8:34 PM | Reply
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hey nigga keep doin wat u doin,dnt hate him haters,hate the game.r.kelly is da bomb...

Posted by: taiwo at 10/04/05 11:48 AM | Reply
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I think this is the best music video that i have ever seen in my entire life and that R. Kelly is doing a really good job. Bless keep it up , just can't wait for the rest.

Posted by: crystal at 10/14/05 9:37 AM | Reply
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This is interesting. Just the fact that his video is so controversial means he has successfully made it famous. I mean most of the rappers struggle and go unnoticed. But when this video came, it got so much attention, simply b/c it was something new, something that people didn't do it before. You gotta give R.Kelly some credit for his innovative work.

Posted by: OOFA at 10/15/05 4:47 PM | Reply
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HE IS SO FINE AN D SINGS SO BEAUTIFUL SO DON'T HATE HIM, CAUSE HE SINGS GOOD HATE HIM CAUSE HE'S THE BOMB.

Posted by: KENJI at 10/30/05 1:27 PM | Reply
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LOL@you people confusing r and b with rap! That alone made reading this blog a waste of time.

Posted by: DJ Fukalya at 11/05/05 11:59 PM | Reply
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i think u people should like get off r kelly. yeah sure, he can sing but his songs are just some dern peices of crap! have you seen and of his others other than trapped in the closet? go out and get a life...

Posted by: Lianne at 11/07/05 7:47 PM | Reply
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"And he continued to rough up the midget, as if the midget were under attack."

Probably one of the funniest lines in anything, of all time. Another highlight is when the cop hears a noise, which he knows is from the kitchen. So what does he do? He looks behind the refrigerator (when the pantry is right next to it - a room with a door that a person might easily hide in) I mean, did they even do more than one draft?

Posted by: travis at 11/11/05 2:30 PM | Reply
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iiiiiiiiiii lllllllllllloooooovvveeeeeeee yyyyyyyyyyooooooouuuuurr sssssssss9ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnggggggggsssssssssss.

Posted by: kiana at 11/11/05 8:08 PM | Reply
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dont play about rkelly going to jail because he didnt do it so get yo facts straigt before you post somthing OK, THATS WHAT I THOUGHT

Posted by: nower of real lyrics at 11/12/05 7:31 PM | Reply
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You people are idiots, disdain for music is a commonality among people but you should learn to respect music in it's various forms. Just because you happen to dislike it doesn't mean it's bad, it merely means it's not to your liking. I myself as a musician and a writer, literature is much the same, you learn that there is no such thing as bad literature, merely litterature that doesn't fall within the confines of your pallete.

Posted by: Dee at 11/13/05 4:13 PM | Reply
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Well to all yall that's fucking hating on him. he don't need yall bullshiters behind him. I love R.Kelly. As of matter of fact yall probably was the main ones made off his slow grinding songs. Man get a fucking life. Didn't your moma teach you to love not hate. Man R.Kelly is the bomb.

Posted by: Jenny at 11/14/05 2:16 PM | Reply
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STOP HATEN ON A BROTHER YOU ARE ALL UPSET OVER A DAME FICTIONAL VIDEO I THOUGHT IT WAS TOOOO FUNNY NO ONE IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD GET CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING SO STUPID. I ENJOYED IT GAVE ME A GOOD BELLY LAUGH I TRY AND CATCH IT EVERY TIME SO I CAN LAUGH AGAIN. PEOPLE SHOULD STOP TAKING THIS OUT OF CONTENT...

Posted by: ELVIRA PUTTUS at 11/16/05 11:01 AM | Reply
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this is for you r kelly i like the videoes very much and i would like it if i could get to know you a little better.

Posted by: moniqui trimble at 11/16/05 2:22 PM | Reply
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i think that this shit is so fucking banging also all the chapthers 1-8 were off the hook.

Posted by: sweetness at 11/17/05 8:05 AM | Reply
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1 thru 12 right hurr--------------
http://rkelly.cjb.cc/

Posted by: **LUCIFER** at 11/18/05 2:26 PM | Reply
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believe it or not i just started laughin shakin my head and just
kept on laughin thinkin about all the things i had been through that day
then she crys what why do you have that smile upon ur face then i laughed out said
thinkin bout all the things that i been through she wipes her nose and she sniggles
and laughs out i been through it to then i start laughin again and she start laughin
more the next thing you kno we both are crakin up on the floor and she laughs out
i cant believe this idiot really answered my phone now meanwhile twan just got
out of prison and hes on his way home and she says baby im sorry for all the lies and
all the bullshit then i say girl just wait til i tell you all the drama that i been
dealin with she laughs i wanna hear it all then i laugh and say baby first of all
i got a hang over been trapped in the closet slept with who knows red to kill a
pastor she says what baby this is no lie he had a lover turns out to be a gay guy
she says damn u been through alot of shit plus i got a ticket meanwhile the policeman
he turns around just out of concern comes back to the house then he pull sup in the
driveway my cars parked crooked with the lights on then he goes around the backway
he hear the dogs barkin like somethings wrong he gets to the back door and
discover its been broken in he look around pulls his gun out then proceeds in
meanwhile were laughin and laughin and laughin but from his prospective he thinks
somebodys cryin he gets closer to the bedroom and he would swear that somebody was
coughin and sighin meanwhile were in the bedroom laughin as im tryin to continue
to explain she yells out selvester ur killin me said i swear that it went that way
then nextthing you kno he bused up in the room and said motherfucka freeze and
then i looked back up at him and said wait ur that damn police then she screams baby
i mean james she says everything is cool and then he yell qwendolyn i got this i
kno ur sick an tired of this fool and then i stood up started walkin twards him
screamin man get out my house then he yells freeze she scream please then i pull my
baretta out she cried out selvester please dont visions of him makin love to her
he said man put the gun on the floor i cant stop thinkin about him and her
i slowly put the gun down and then i put my hands up he winked and me and smiled
and that is when i went nuts hoped all over him grabed the gun she screamin settle down
goin all around the room both hand on the gun then all of a sudden pow

Posted by: ronnie at 11/19/05 11:07 AM | Reply
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i find that trapped in the closet deserves the vibe awards of the best clip!!!because even if you don't understand english thanks to this clip you understand the song and it's very cool!!!because in france many people sing or listen songs and as they don't speak english they don't understand what the listen!!

Posted by: french girl at 11/21/05 10:44 AM | Reply
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shit i like part 2 6-12 motherfucker R.Kelly... damm you made it so unique dude... i was amazed how you composed all of this... what chapter this would be end i was sooo excited... i like the chapter 11 BIG man gifted like me.... woooooh it is fun... dude you fuck us we all waiting for the whole story... fuck yourself R.Kelly... to the people who against this music video fuck your posey u are motherfuckin dude... R.Kelly made it into a top you rock my world R.kelly... hope to see you soon on my closet with my wife that would be your last moment of having sex coz i will kill dude... you can fuck all the gurls not my wife coz motherfucker i will kill you... fuck ur ass gurls... anywez to give honor you dude i salute for having all of this... gud luck dude keep on the top... you rock us

Posted by: hunk fritz at 11/28/05 7:31 AM | Reply
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I have seen parts 1-12 they are so good special 12 it is so funny..

Posted by: Vanessa at 12/27/05 9:53 AM | Reply
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i love this opra r&b clash. it just proves that if people want to do things they can do it. i want to find the rest of it cuz i havent seen the 12th chapter yet

Posted by: bree at 12/30/05 1:36 AM | Reply
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Does anyone know where I can get the lyrics from the "trapped in the closet" song with the midget and the farting. I was telling people at my office about the stupid ass song that R kelly came up with and no one believes me? Please help out! Thanks G!

Posted by: Germaine at 01/05/06 12:30 PM | Reply
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Does anyone know where I can get the lyrics from the "trapped in the closet" song with the midget and the farting. I was telling people at my office about the stupid ass song that R kelly came up with and no one believes me? Please help out! Thanks G!

Posted by: Germaine at 01/05/06 12:30 PM | Reply
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*No comment.*

Posted by: Roxie Hart at 10/20/06 10:07 AM | Reply
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r kelly suks

Posted by: faka at 07/16/07 12:10 AM | Reply
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I can't believe that people could get so spun up over song lyrics, wow, I mean i wasn't aware that to sell music ur lyrics had to be appealing or even make since. Get a life and stop fucking complaining about everything, I'm pretty sure if it were ur idea and u were making money from it, u wouldn't be complaining.

Posted by: no-name-brand at 10/24/07 2:18 PM | Reply
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I'm srry i'm 12 years old i think this is the most asomest thing ever so screw you if you think r.kelly is gay i reseached all about him his live is so bad so giving put downs to him is the most retarded thing i've ever heard sayimg anything bad about anything is bad u propabaly tell your kids if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all well you should maybe ues it for yourself and if you dont have kids i know why so back off and instead of saying how bad he is think about picking on youself instead thank you very much so shut the heck up about crap you don't know about

Posted by: sara at 12/15/07 6:59 PM | Reply
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