December 4, 2007

Video Hangover: Blood Of Abraham - "Calling All Citizens"

Every week, we dig in the archives for videos that we find noteworthy, memorable, or just unbelievably stupid. And then, Jon McMillan breaks 'em down for you. Why Video Hangover? Because when you watch as many videos as we do, you're going to feel it afterwards.

"Calling All Citizens"
Blood of Abraham, 2005

Kickin' off Hanukkah in style, with Eazy-E's favorite Jewish rap duo.

Somehow I'm sure this is all Will.i.am's fault
For those of you who might not be familiar with Blood Of Abraham, they're actually two white guys from L.A. who have been around since the early '90s. They've suffered various bouts of bad timing, critical indifference and label trouble (their 2000 LP Eyedollartree was shelved for five years and had to be re-released in 2005), but they've got some chops, especially in the beats department. Which brings us to this video. I know "Calling All Citizens" is supposed to be a commentary on the hypocrisy of the rap game and all that, but what kind of director takes a band that's been waiting 12 years for a break (wandering in the wilderness, if you will) and doesn't even put them in their own video? The same kind of director who (at 2:14) stages a boat party in the middle of the arctic, probably.

Where's Nelly when you need him?
Anybody recognize the lead here? Given that he probably spent most of the shoot lip syncing in his boxers in front of a green screen, I'd say he does a credible job. But man, those teeth! I think we should take up a collection and get this guy an appointment with Paul Wall's dentist.

I can't bring that ass home to my mother!
The quality of the asses in a hip hop video is generally a good indicator said video's overall quality, and these, friends, are JV asses. Not that there's anything wrong with these asses -- some of them are rather nice, in fact -- but they're more Dove Real Beauty than Curtis James Jackson. Blood Of Abraham need to get out there on J-Date and meet some more strippers.