Stereogum Home
January 16, 2008

American Idol Premieres With A Parade Of Silly Folks, Professional Singers, And Declining Ratings

Last night Simon, Randy, Paula, Ryan, and the City of Brotherly Love did their damndest to get people psyched about the waning American Idol, and didn't quite succeed. Probably because of its recent inability to launch big stars, but also because we're conditioned to expect a procession of people who want to act the fool on national television rather than be the next Daughtry or Kelly or Carrie. But if it's not court jesters, then it's people that can actually sing ... that have actually already been retained by labels like Arista or Britney Spears's managment company. (In the case of pretty Kristy Lee Cook, it's all of the above; see, via.) What happened to our innocent, virtuous little talent show? To paraphrase Patton: it never was one, silly pudding.

So fine, at least you can't fuck with the sillyness of the silly folk: Meet Alexis Cohen. She's a 23-year-old college student, living in Allentown with her mom, two cats, and a dog. She sounds "like Janis Joplin," smells like incense, and looks like a Ricky's exploded on her. Also she knows someone wrote a song about her hometown ... maybe Bon Jovi?

Here she is failing to impress Simon with Jefferson Airplane.

Absurd? Sure. Oh but damn wouldn't ya know, jury's out on how legit this is; a look at her MySpace shows she's a member of more than one comic/improv group. So ultimately, probably as real as was Paula's stalker. Or as real as the show's hopes of success this year. ZING.

Stereogum, out.

Posted at 5:37 PM in
Tags:




-->

11 Comments

She reminds me of Joon from Benny and Joon, when she's off her meds

Posted by: evelyn bateman at 01/16/08 6:33 PM | Reply
Score = -1 Vote up Vote down

its just like in the olympics with the "dream team" - who cares, the worse of the two finalists always wins anyway. i'd say thats a disadvantage to the pros.

Posted by: Boody B at 01/16/08 6:53 PM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

When did General George Patton ever refer to anybody as 'silly pudding'? I best check Wikipedia to discover the undisputed truth.

Posted by: Charlie Kane at 01/16/08 8:07 PM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

is that a man or a woman?

Posted by: kyle at 01/16/08 8:09 PM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

I'm gonna say it - women aren't that good at improv. Case in point.

Posted by: Christopher at 01/16/08 9:13 PM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

That was awful.

Posted by: James at 01/16/08 10:01 PM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

Oh god, i hope she really isn't from Allentown... as if we didn't have enough to worry about..

Posted by: D-Ford at 01/16/08 10:16 PM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

"Allentown" by Bon Jovi? lol...

Posted by: Erik at 01/17/08 1:57 AM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

So this is what's on TV now?

Posted by: Mike at 01/17/08 5:32 AM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

Back in the 70's it was not uncommon for struggling actors to go on "The Dating Game" as contestants in order to get some kind of exposure. This is the same ruse. Can't we just ignore "American Idol" and hope that it will go away?

Posted by: Old Davy at 01/17/08 9:07 AM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

Ummmm, yeah. I was watching the premiere with my roommate's (dumb) friend and trying to convince her that these people (Alexis Cohen, Paula's Stalker, Star Wars chick, Princess Leia dude) were friggin actors. How anyone could watch that stuff and NOT realize how staged it is is beyond me...

I guess some people just don't want the illusion to be ruined for them...

Posted by: Niggy Tardust at 01/17/08 10:46 AM | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

Leave a comment


 

The 'Gum Drop

Get our newsletter. MP3s and giveaways weekly.

Search




Sort by:date relevance

Information

  • Contact:
  • About
  • Press
  • Advertising
  • Stereogum RSS Stereogum RSS XML Icon
  • MP3-Only RSS Stereogum RSS XML Icon

Staff

Founder/Editor-In-Chief
Scott Lapatine
Executive Editor
Amrit Singh
Senior Writer
Brandon Stosuy
Columnist
Jon McMillan
Technology & Operations
Jim Jazwiecki
Angela Williams

The Cool Kids

All Stereogum Posts

Get Flash to see our mp3 player. Here are our mp3s: Blank Dogs - Ants (»)
Blank Dogs - Crystal Ladies (»)
Annuals - Confessor (»)
Spoon - Writing To You In Reverse (»)
Benoit Pioulard - Brown Bess (»)
Fucked Up - Twice Born (»)
Lykke Li - Little Bit (Loving Hand Remix) (»)
Crystal Castles - Crimewave (Crystal Castles vs HEALTH) (»)
David Grubbs - An Optimist Declines (Edit) (»)
High Places - From Stardust To Sentience (»)
Lou Reed - Caroline Says, Pt. II (»)
Passion Pit - Sleepyhead (»)
Pepi Ginsberg - Son (»)
Dr. Dog - The Ark (»)
The Walkmen - In The New Year (»)
of Montreal - Nonpareil Of Favor (»)
Sleeping States - Rivers (»)
Megafaun - Beloved Binge (»)
Chad VanGaalen - Willow Tree (»)
Land Of Talk - Some Are Lakes (»)
Radiohead - Tell Me Why (»)
Joseph Arthur - Temporary People (»)

Band to Watch logo

Band To Watch: Blank Dogs

Blank Dogs are actually singular: It's the insanely prolific one-man Brooklyn-based band of Mr. Blank Dog. We don't know too much about the biography of the guy behind the bedroom new-wave pop/punk and he's usually covering his face with masks...

MORE »

Quit Your Day Job logo

Quit Your Day Job: Megafaun

Raleigh-via-Eau Clair BTW Megafaun debuted impressively earlier this year with Bury The Square. The trio nip-and-tuck experimental tendencies (tape splicing, white noise colliding with banjo, junkyard-laced spring reverb, screeching feedback at the tail end of a quiet back porch lament)...

MORE »

Premature Evaluation logo

Premature Evaluation: of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping

Skeletal Lamping is anything but skeletal. When we took a close listen to album closer "Id Engager" we mentioned it wasn't the strangest, most ambitious, or best tune on of Montreal's new one, but after absorbing the other 14 tracks,...

MORE »

Video Hangover logo

Video Hangover: Marcy Playground - "Saint Joe On The Schoolbus"

Every week, we dig in the archives for videos that we find noteworthy, memorable, or just unbelievably stupid. And then, Jon McMillan breaks 'em down for you. This week: Marcy Playground blows their one chance at video immortality.

MORE »

Oldstand logo

OldStand: Rolling Stone, September 13, 1984

Take our ink-stained hands and join us at the OldStand, where Jon McMillan goes to remind everyone what an honest-to-goodness music magazine is supposed to look like. Lots of Huey Lewis (and the News) news lately, so let's go back...

MORE »

The Outsiders logo

The Outsiders: Vol. 17: Bird Show, Hair Police, Hush Arbors

Not all of Stereogum's favorite sounds conform to what folks expect us to cover. In this space, resident Bananafish fetishist Brandon Stosuy focuses on bands, albums, singles, and villages in Sweden that may otherwise pass by unnoticed. This installment's virtual...

MORE »

The 'Gum Drop logo

Nicole Atkins - "Under The Milky Way"

On 9/9 Nicole Atkins is releasing a four-song EP fittingly titled Nicole Atkins Digs Other People's Songs via Columbia, on which the Jersey girl covers Nada Surf's "Inside Of Love," the Doors' "Crystal Ship," Mama Cass Elliott's "Dream A Little...

MORE »