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January 16, 2008

American Idol Premieres With A Parade Of Silly Folks, Professional Singers, And Declining Ratings

Last night Simon, Randy, Paula, Ryan, and the City of Brotherly Love did their damndest to get people psyched about the waning American Idol, and didn't quite succeed. Probably because of its recent inability to launch big stars, but also because we're conditioned to expect a procession of people who want to act the fool on national television rather than be the next Daughtry or Kelly or Carrie. But if it's not court jesters, then it's people that can actually sing ... that have actually already been retained by labels like Arista or Britney Spears's managment company. (In the case of pretty Kristy Lee Cook, it's all of the above; see, via.) What happened to our innocent, virtuous little talent show? To paraphrase Patton: it never was one, silly pudding.

So fine, at least you can't fuck with the sillyness of the silly folk: Meet Alexis Cohen. She's a 23-year-old college student, living in Allentown with her mom, two cats, and a dog. She sounds "like Janis Joplin," smells like incense, and looks like a Ricky's exploded on her. Also she knows someone wrote a song about her hometown ... maybe Bon Jovi?

Here she is failing to impress Simon with Jefferson Airplane.

Absurd? Sure. Oh but damn wouldn't ya know, jury's out on how legit this is; a look at her MySpace shows she's a member of more than one comic/improv group. So ultimately, probably as real as was Paula's stalker. Or as real as the show's hopes of success this year. ZING.

Stereogum, out.

Posted at 5:37 PM in
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11 Comments

She reminds me of Joon from Benny and Joon, when she's off her meds

Posted by: evelyn bateman at 01/16/08 6:33 PM | Reply
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its just like in the olympics with the "dream team" - who cares, the worse of the two finalists always wins anyway. i'd say thats a disadvantage to the pros.

Posted by: Boody B at 01/16/08 6:53 PM | Reply
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When did General George Patton ever refer to anybody as 'silly pudding'? I best check Wikipedia to discover the undisputed truth.

Posted by: Charlie Kane at 01/16/08 8:07 PM | Reply
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is that a man or a woman?

Posted by: kyle at 01/16/08 8:09 PM | Reply
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I'm gonna say it - women aren't that good at improv. Case in point.

Posted by: Christopher at 01/16/08 9:13 PM | Reply
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That was awful.

Posted by: James at 01/16/08 10:01 PM | Reply
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Oh god, i hope she really isn't from Allentown... as if we didn't have enough to worry about..

Posted by: D-Ford at 01/16/08 10:16 PM | Reply
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"Allentown" by Bon Jovi? lol...

Posted by: Erik at 01/17/08 1:57 AM | Reply
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So this is what's on TV now?

Posted by: Mike at 01/17/08 5:32 AM | Reply
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Back in the 70's it was not uncommon for struggling actors to go on "The Dating Game" as contestants in order to get some kind of exposure. This is the same ruse. Can't we just ignore "American Idol" and hope that it will go away?

Posted by: Old Davy at 01/17/08 9:07 AM | Reply
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Ummmm, yeah. I was watching the premiere with my roommate's (dumb) friend and trying to convince her that these people (Alexis Cohen, Paula's Stalker, Star Wars chick, Princess Leia dude) were friggin actors. How anyone could watch that stuff and NOT realize how staged it is is beyond me...

I guess some people just don't want the illusion to be ruined for them...

Posted by: Niggy Tardust at 01/17/08 10:46 AM | Reply
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