New Dane Cook - "Forward"
Alt.comic whipping boy Dane Cook, he of least-common-denominator domination, is spreading his wings and taking on the daunting world of plebeian piano ballad cheese. We knew he spent some time pressing up on Jessica Simpson, but clearly she's rubbed off on him in all the wrong ways. An ill-advised foray, perhaps, but we gotta give it to the guy: turns out he's hilarious without even trying.
Thanks to the BWE kids for putting together this clip (and for the perfect montage punctuation).
Posted at 1:23 PM in Video
Tags: Dane Cook
you guys like Dan Cook?
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God I hate this assclown
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He hasn't been assasinated yet?
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The opening melody reminds me of Chicago "Hard To Say I'm Sorry." Not in a good way.
Recommended reading:
http://www.corporate-casual.com/2007/08/28/the-end-of-culture/
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dude rips off other comics.
soooooooooooo not cool
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"turns out he's hilarious without even trying."
Aaaand this marks my last visit to stereogum. We used to have so much in common...
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as in dane's trying to be serious but in the end he's pathetic and laughable. or, maybe you love dane, andrew? in which case, nevermind! you're better off at myspace.com/danecook.
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They mean he's unintentionally hilarious because it's so terrible. Wake up Andrew.
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This is my last comment on stereogum until Andrew gets some semblance of reading comprehension.
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I was waiting that entire time for the punchline...
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Hold up everybody! If we can all just pretend that this song is great, then he'll spend more time making cheesy ballads and ruining adult-contemporary pop music and won't have any for ruining stand-up comedy. Its just crazy enought to work
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Yeah, I was waiting for the song's punchline too. I'll tell you what, this is no "King Tut."
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"He hasn't been assasinated yet?"
Dane Cook isn't nearly important enough to be assassinated. Dragged out into the back alley, maybe.
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Seriously, though, this song would have been huge in the early 80's. If Christopher Cross and Billy Ocean could be big then, then this piece of shit would have been too.
That said, it's no "My Girl Wants to (Party All the Time)"
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I like Dane Cook. Why? Because I am not funny (as those who have read my posts can attest to) and Dane Cook makes me look like Robin Williams, Richard Pryor and the whole damned Blue Collar tour rolled into one.
DwD
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"Richard Pryor and the whole damned Blue Collar tour rolled into one". Wow. That's like "Jimi Hendrix and 3 Doors Down all rolled into one".
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There is no way this is for real, its literally that bad. However if it is a big joke, its almost not shitty enough to be a funny prank. If Eddie Murphy comes out tomorrow and says "my girl wants to party all the time" was a joke all along then that would be hillarious.
CforClavin's comment was hillarious as well
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Dane Cook likely wears AXE body spray....
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I second Clavin's comment. I mean, I DID say I ain't funny!
DwD
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more like lame cook.
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Ooh that song blows. But, I hate to be the one to get piled on by all the true comic geniuses out there, but the dude's actually pretty funny. Flipping through the channels a while back, I came upon the HBO Vicious Circle special, expecting to revel in its suckiness. But I couldn't. I can't speak for any of his other work, but that show is damn funny. And it's pretty impressive to do 90 minutes of comedy surrounded by 15,000 asshats. There, I said it. It's so much more fun just to hate. Can't wait to get the new BoH so I can slam them bitches.
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I'm not listening to this. I know that it sucks simply due to the fact that it's Dane Cook. I need no other proof. The cannot not fail.
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Or, rather, "The MAN cannot not fail." Much like myself, apparently.
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@Steve - lol! The first thing I thought was, 'Man, this sounds like a Billy Ocean song from 1985. Holy crap that is some bad stuff.
I want NONE of whatever he's smoking...
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I cannot believe anyone thought this was a good fucking idea. I'll admit I used to be a Dane Cook fan, especially Harmful If Swallowed, but his shit got old, fast. Believe it or not, this is not his first foray into music. This makes song #3.
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I have no understanding as to how this is even possible. I don't see how Dane Cook can gain entry into a studio to put something like this together let alone put pen to paper to write such fabulous lines...
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I admit I was an early fan of Dane Cook. I saw him on Letterman a long time ago (before he had records) doing his Kool Aid Man bit. I tried to Google him, to very little avail. I think I found only a publicist's phone # or something. I enjoyed the first LP, but by the time the 2nd LP came out, I got tricked by his "personal" emails that I would get a special surprise that I would love if I preordered the album. OK. I got a stupid 2¢ military dog tag. I was expecting concert tickets or a DVD or something. The 2nd Album was not as funny and the shit movie with Jessica Simpson sealed the deal. This song is just the dog shit on top of the grave that my appreciation for Dane has been buried in long ago.
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man, you guys really hate dane cook.
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This is a joke right? Good luck, Chuck.
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that is justs strange
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My ears are bleeding.
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Ah man, Steve, don't get down on Christopher Cross. Once you find that magical moment where his self-titled album fits, you'll understand it. I'm pretty sure Dane Cook's music will never find its magical moment. Slam Billy Ocean all you want, but watch the Cross. That guy wrote some killer soft rock. Ride Like The Wind.
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Wingo: DON'T YOU DARE INSULT BILLY OCEAN LIKE THAT.
Billy Ocean is freaking awesome. He's a thinking man's Lionel Richie.
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one of the most annoying people on earth. next to taylor hicks.
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Wow. It's as if someone surgically attached testicles to Coldplay, let them take a walk around the block a bit, you know, to get used to the weight of the new man peaches, *ripped them right the fuck off*, and then them made them go into the studio to record the wimpiest ballad this side of Loggins and Messina and Swayze.
Dane Cook: pioneering new frontiers of hack-assery every day... Well played, King of the Douchebags, well played.
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All I want for Christmas is a Dane Cook, Andy Samberg, Sarah Silverman, Ben Stiller-free world.
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Apart from the "Someone shit on the coats" bit, it's hard to relate to the guy and this lil' diddy re-enforces my will to want to avoid this guy.
I remember though, he was the host on SNL the night they played the "Chronicles of Narnia" rap.
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All I want for Christmas is a Dane Cook, Andy Samberg, Sarah Silverman, Ben Stiller-free world. Amen.
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holy shit this guy is the next richard prior! im getting another dane cook tattoo just because of this video/song. "Dane's Parking Only" right above my ass.
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He's not as funny as this!! lol!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvKW46ZUNGw
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"All I want for Christmas is a Dane Cook, Andy Samberg, Sarah Silverman, Ben Stiller-free world. Amen."
Ben Stiller is single-handedly keeping Hollywood alive. After all, 80-something credits in the past two decades is keeping a lot of boom mike holders off the breadlines.
Go Ben, and make our economy strong, whiny and irritating.
DwD
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Why do stand-up comedians hate melody so much?
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"I remember though, he was the host on SNL the night they played the "Chronicles of Narnia" rap."
nope, it was Jack Black, the same ep as the fantastic "Glirk" and "Spelling Bee" sketches, and the excellent "King Kong" monologue.
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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Dane Cook is an idiot.
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i think that the only thing that keeps me from slitting my wrists when i see this jackass is the fact that carlos mencia reserved the spot.
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if you want to see this guy murdered, watch the movie Mr. Brooks. It's satisfying.
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did anyone see the previews for the movie where he's the "guy everyone wants"?
ugh.
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dude it is sick That is a good song.all you dumbasses out there dane is richer then youll ever be.and he dosent even do stand up so do your reserch.
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dude it is sick That is a good song.all you dumbasses out there dane is richer then youll ever be.and he dosent even do stand up so do your reserch.
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don't you deuchebags understand that this song is very clearly a JOKE?
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"dude it is sick That is a good song.all you dumbasses out there dane is richer then youll ever be.and he dosent even do stand up so do your reserch."
So when you're rich that makes you a better person than everyone else? Kind of like Britney Spears?
You're right about him not doing stand up though, because jokes usually have punchlines.
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i dont know what the hell any of you are talking about because dane cook is hilarious. everything he says is SO TRUE. the throwing up after being drunk... SO TRUE. the having to get ketchup is first priority at mcdonalds & there are no rules for you. SO TRUE. the girl not finding the handle of his car to get out after giving him head SO TRUE. everything he says is stories of things that really happen & are extremely funny. omg. i could ramble on & on about all the things that are SO TRUE & SO SO FUNNY! like the crying & looking in the mirror at yourself glowing. IVE DONE THAT! look you guys are just haters cause all of your girlfriends want to be on dane's COCK & FUCK IT HARD! & then listen to a joke while they clean themselves off.
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Wow...i think all you people who put down dane are ridiculous, even if he does copy other people..which EVERYONE that likes dane cook already F****** knows, he makes it more funny, and not ALLLL of his stuff is copied btw, if you had any clue at all, so quit your b*******, and whining and keep it to yourself if your gonna be 5, no one cares what you have to say.
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Oh and Martha, I think you should do your research hes a popular stand-up comedian...he has 2 albums, and acts, and has a few songs..lol
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First of all he doesn't copy AT ALL. Second I think this song is amazing. Dane Cook is the most famous and best comedian today. When people say he isn’t funny is dumb because he sells out arena’s of 18,000+ people. So obviously he is funny and this song shows that he can change things up and be good at something else. I can’t wait for his next one.
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YEah Adian I so Agree he is a good singer, i like his new song.
And he makes me laugh everytime i watch BK lounge lmao awesome
Dane is awesome and i always say if he DID copy he would have been SUED since thos ejokes he so called "copied" are owned by someone and dane needs permission to copy or remake them just like songs and movies, if he didnt get permisson he would have been sued, since i havent heard of him being sued he either got permission or THAT HIS OWN MATRIAL and what wrong with bring back past jokes? people do it all the time, just like people remake songs and movies all the time. Get over it.
SU-FI!!
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you guys are fucking assholes..wtf, is he fuckin assassinated yet.. who the fuck are you.. dane cooks the man.. so suck my fucking dick bitch
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dane cook is the shit. you didnt even spell his name right. your probably jelious of him and his talents. so go choke on a cock. gaylord
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I think everybody needs to be a little more middle-of-the-road about this. Does some of Dane Cook's material bear resemblances to other comedians? Sure it does, most obviously Louis CK. But there's a lot of comedians who's jokes out there are taken, both intentionally and subconsciously, including some of Dane's I'm sure. I think Dane Cook is pretty funny, not the funniest I've seen, but definitely worth the time spent watchin it. It's most annoying that people think he's either God or he's the devil, he's just a guy tryin to make a living.
This song COULD be a joke, I haven't heard Cook say anything about it bein serious.
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i love dane cook nore than anything he is such a good singer and comic!!
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HE NEEDS TO STICK TO COMEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS " songs " SUCK ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HE NEEDS TO STICK TO COMEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS " songs " SUCK ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HE NEEDS TO STICK TO COMEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS " songs " SUCK ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HE NEEDS TO STICK TO COMEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS " songs " SUCK ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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dane is a fuck head , dane's fan are all fuck heads , so fuck off and die ,
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