UPDATE:

This thing has taken on the tense rhythm of a Nadal-Federer rally at Wimbledon 2008. Morrissey is, of course, Federer. Why? Because they kind of look alike, don’t you think? They totally do! Fine, whatever. Anyway, Staples Center just returned Moz’s backhand smash from late yesterday (see below) with a delicately placed drop shot. Earlier today, Reuters reached out to Staples Center arena operator Anschutz Entertainment Group, seeking additional clarification regarding Moz’s clarification of the Staples Center’s prior clarification of Moz’s initial statement, and they came away with this:

“As of right now, there will be meat options for fans,” Staples Center spokeswoman Cara Vanderhook told Reuters.

Ball’s in your court, Moz! Worth remembering, though? Rafa beat R-Fed in 2008.

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Oh, it’s ON. Where’s the beef, you ask? Not at the Staples Center, says Moz. After releasing an initial statement announcing that the L.A. venue was going vegetarian for his 3/1 gig, only to be gently corrected by Staples Center reps who announced that no such arrangement was in place (All a big misunderstanding! Veggie tacos will, however, be served!), Morrissey has drawn the goddamn line: NOT IN MY HOUSE. (Which is in this case not his house at all, which, you know, whatever.) Per Moz-focused blog True To You, the singer released the following statement late yesterday:

Reports that the Staples Center will not be 100% vegetarian on March 1st are playfully untrue. Contractually, all McDonalds vendors shall be closed down, and the only thing burning shall be my heart.

Morrissey
20 February 2013
Los Angeles

He’s just the best, right? “Playfully untrue”? I see no way this is resolved peaceably, and it’s basically a lock he just bails on the gig altogether, but for statements like this, it’s worth it. (Signed, a resident of NYC who was plainly not going to the Staples gig anyway, and also eats meat.)