Listen, the hard truth is that sometimes dreams come true and you just aren’t there to experience them. That’s life. Somewhere out there someone in a blue shirt, or something — just some inanimate object, like, gosh, I don’t know, some sort of a poster board or something — is living you dream, being — man, just off the top of my head — photographed with and so close to two of the guys you would totally marry no questions asked, and it’s not you. What are you going to do, right? Huh. What are you going to do. You can’t do much, I guess, but you can CAPTION IT! So why don’t you?!

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball and nothing else, but haven’t we already been given enough? (Thanks for the tip, Lauren!)