Leonardo DiCaprio, founding member of the Pussy Posse, is no stranger to a life that definitely looks like it has a lot of cocaine in it. Like, just massive amounts of cocaine, all the time. (Maybe it’s not true, of course. There could be a nice young man under that mask!) (I will gladly accept a flight to and hotel accommodations in any vacation destination that Leo DiCaprio is currently visiting if he wants to talk about it.) So you’d think it would be somewhat easy to get him to trip over the kind of question of which every Real Journalist dreams —  one that simultaneously confuses your subject and puts him or her enough at ease that he or she gives you some sort of answer that could be construed in a way that you can turn into a misleading headline. But there is a thin line between Real Journalist and “excitable female fan,” as this Page Six article shows:

Leo DiCaprio may play the ultimate drug-dabbling bad boy in “The Wolf of Wall Street,” but the actor insists he has never touched cocaine himself.

Leo was approached by an excitable female fan at BAFTA LA’s Saturday Golden Globe Awards pre-party at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills, who told him: “I bet playing that role put you off cocaine forever!”

DiCaprio coolly replied: “I’ve never done it in real life.”

Arrggh, you win this time, DiCaprio! That just means we, THE PROFESSIONALS, will have to work harder next time, which is fine. We’re no stranger to hard work. Maybe, “How closely did the prop cocaine you used in Wolf of Wall Street compare to the cocaine you do all the time in real life?” Or, “Seriously, don’t you wish you could have just done all that cocaine in the movie, or were you doing enough real cocaine at the time that it didn’t really matter?” Or, “I bet that movie really made you think twice about a lot of aspects of your lifestyle, for instance the cocaine?”