Grab your tinfoil hats! Grab however much moisturizer you think it’ll take to get your skin through at least the next few weeks! Remember that we’re transitioning through seasons, so it might be more moisturizer than you’d normally use! Grab your copy of The Elements of Style, it’s small enough to carry with you and it’s always useful! Grab a handful of trail mix! Grab a bottle of wine! Make sure you’ve got your contact solution and maybe a makeup sample you got that you’ve been wanting to try, and let’s GTF-OUT OF HEEEEEREEE!

On road E50 outside of Joplin, Missouri, there is a light that no one can explain (NO ONE CAN EXPLAIN IT), and it is the subject of a new photographic series called “The Devil’s Promenade” from artists Lara Shipley and Antone Dolezal. Locals call it the “Spook Light” and it’s been there since 1881! OR EARLIER! What?! From the Daily Mail:

Local legend has it that the first to see the lights were the local Quapaw Indians, and some stories saw the light is actually the tormented spirits of two Quapaw lovers run off a cliff by an angry Chieftan.

Other folklore says the light is the torch of a Quapaw or Osage Indian who was beheaded and is searching for his head. Still others maintain it’s the spirit of a decapitated miner or Confederate soldier in search of his lost head. …

Even the Army Corps of Engineers once tried to pinpoint the cause of the floating orb. They traveled to the area outside Joplin, a town now known as the 2011 site of a devastating F5 tornado, to study the Spook Light in the early 1940s. They were unable to come to any conclusions.

Guesses as to its origins run from everyday expulsions of gas from the areas abundant shale deposits to UFOs.

WHY HASN’T ANYONE TRIED TO FIGURE THIS OUT SINCE 1940? “Well, they already tried! What do you want us to do?” Un-shut down the government and send someone over right away! THIS IS A PRESSING ISSUE! Here is some evidence:

AHHHHHHH! LIGHTS! Well, we had a fine enough run. Tell your families you love them and prepare to have our world enveloped by the Spook Light. “They shooouuld havvee invessttiiigaaated,” the ghosts or aliens will say, with a laugh, as we all parish. “Whyyy diiiddn’t theeeyy fiiiguree itttt oouuuuut? Theyy bareeely eveeen triiiieeed.” (Thanks for the tip, badideajeans!)