Here’s a question. If you’re in the desert and you’re dying of thirst, which do you want to drink: blood or water? Take as much time as you need. On the one hand, there’s a nice big cup of blood. On the other hand, a cool, refreshing cup of water. Now, what if the blood were your family’s toxic greed, jealousy, and abuse, and the water were, I don’t know, an ex-con father-figure like the kind Nicolas Cage plays in David Gordon Green’s new film, Joe? What do you choose now? The waterfather, or…? From Moviefone, via Vulture:

One of the things I like about the movie — my father used to say, “If you’re in the desert and you’re dying of thirst, are you going to drink a glass of blood or you going to drink a glass a water?” meaning, sometimes your very own family that you’re close to can be toxic. They take your success or your potential as a personal insult on their failure, and they beat you up or they say you’ll never make it. That’s not a glass of blood you want to drink if you’re dying of thirst in the desert. But Joe provides, like, a glass of water. He’s what I call in the abstract a “waterfather.” He becomes a surrogate father and he sees the potential in Gary.

Uhhhhhhh. Are Nicolas Cage and his dad okay? Wait, did your family put you in the desert on purpose? If your family put you in the desert on purpose, I would say you FOR SURE would not want to try to drink your family’s blood to get out of the desert. It won’t work. The kind of glass of blood you would want to drink, though, is a waterfather’s. Right? Or, wait, what? “In order to explain my father-figure relationship with the young boy in Joe, please first imagine drinking a glass of blood in the desert, and then try to imagine a family in which all of the members are incredibly jealous and not supportive of one of the members because this particular member is a big movie star, and they were always jealous of his potential and tried to knock him down, but now he’ll show them when he plays a waterfather in David Gordon Green’s upcoming film, Joe.” Aww. Poor Nicolas. Don’t drink the blood, Nicolas! (PS: Why hasn’t Leonardo DiCaprio ever played a waterfather?)