Robert Pattinson does not like his nickname, “R-Patz.” [RECORD SCRATCH] [CAR SCREECH] [GLASS CRASH] [AIR HORN] He also does not like adult Twilight fans, telling In Touch, “Sometimes I ask myself what these masses of people do the whole day. They sit in front of their computers and comment on anything having even remotely to do with Twilight.” Hahah. Uh, I think you just answered your own question, Buddy! It’s called an all-consuming hobby/fetish that worries everyone who cares about you, and everybody’s gotta have one! This is what he said about his nickname, though:

And Twilight fans aren’t the only thing that the British actor can’t stand. He hates his abbreviated “R-Patz” nickname. “I’d like to strangle the guy who came up with it!” he says. Though Robert, 27, won’t name names, he does know who is responsible for the nickname, referring to him simply as “some fat celebrity blogger.”

WHAAAAAAAT! (Was it Gabe?) (Oh no. Did Gabe come up with R-Patz?!) (I know Gabe wasn’t fat, but maybe Robert Pattinson was just using it as a rude pejorative, separate from its actual meaning?) (I think we figured it out!) (DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD, ROBERT.) Well, it looks like one young actor needs to calm down about his nickname a new nickname! And we brought him to the right place to get it. Let’s get started! 

• Robert P
• Robert
• Rob
• Bob
• Robby
• Bobby
• Ro
• Bo
• Pat
• Patty
• Patton
• Pattinson
• Son
• Tin
• Tin-Man
• The Tin-Man
• Robot
• Robot Pattinson
• Robo-Cop
• Robe
• Robe Bryant
• Bert
• Berty
• Bertie
• Birdy
• Bird
• Birt
• Rob-Bird
• Bobby Pat
• Mr. Pat
• Mr. Rob
• R. P.
• Arpy
• Arpy’s
• Erty
• Inson
• Sinson
• Simpsons
• Robert Patsimpsons
• Bart Patsimpsons

Hmmmmm. Well, that’s my contribution! I’m sure there are more, so let me know if I left any obvious ones out! At the end of the day I’ll send the list right over to Rob, so let’s make sure to cover all of our bases!