Jennifer Aniston has been the official spokesperson for SmartWater for awhile now, and this new ad is certainly in line with the ads that have come before it, but it still does not answer the question: what? Seriously, what even is this ad? Jennifer Aniston is pretty and seems nice and is certainly famous, and OK, she is surrounded by clean white sheets so you really get the sense that this water is clean and NOT one of those bottled waters full of dirt, but then you are like, well, why is she drinking it in bed? And who is she looking at? Why is she sitting in bed that way, that seems like an uncomfortable way to sit in bed. Did you know that 60 percent of human communication is through body language? SO WHAT IS HER BODY TRYING TO SAY? Also is this a water for bed time only? You would think a water filled with the electrolytes my body craves might be a thing you drink after a tough work out, but it turns out it is just sleepy time tea? But only when you are sleeping in what is clearly a hotel? That is not where Jennifer Aniston lives. It is a hotel. OK, so we know this is a water for when you wake up in a hotel. A hotel that is canted at a preposterously dangerous angle. In the middle of nowhere. This is basically the kind of water that Tony Soprano should drink when he is Kevin Finnerty after Uncle Junior shot him and he had to live out by heaven airport. Look up to the clouds. From your hotel room window. Overlooking the industrial park. That bedside table sure could use a lamp! This is still just an ad for fucking water, right? I’ve been talking about it for so long that I am no longer sure what is going on. Would you hit it? Would you have sex with this water?!