“I don’t want to come off as arrogant or self-important or anything, but, like, it’s hard not to feel bad for people who are still out there dating! You know? I dated for years. Well, I guess just one year. But it was rough — just a constant stream of guys who weren’t good enough, or I guess that’s rude, so I’ll say it was just a constant stream of guys who were simply not right for me. (In that they were all losers. Hah! Ahhhh, I’m just terrible!) That all ended when I was set up with the fastest man on all fours. He is just so sweet. Genuinely. Sure it’s difficult when you introduce him to someone, like, “Hey Chrissy, have I ever introduced you to my boyfriend, the fastest man on all fours?” and then they have to refer to him as “the fastest man on all fours” (“Oh, nice to meet you The Fastest Man On All Fours”) because I introduced him as “the fastest man on all fours” at the part of the sentence where other people might say a person’s name, but that’s something we’ve learned to live with, and I feel like we’re both better for it. Or should I say, we’re both better FOUR it. Hahahah. Too funny. We’re so happy together.” -You

He does seem super sweet, though. I’ll give you that. (Via UniqueDaily.)