This week, as far as trailers is concerned, is like the platonic ideal of a movie trailers round up. We’re sort of in that gray area where the summer movies are actually in theaters and the winter prestige movies aren’t being advertised yet, so we’re mostly stuck with the throwaway august trash and a couple of halfway decent but also who cares things coming out here and there. But then we also have the trailer for the new Woody Allen movie. That’s something! And I am excited for the new John LeCare movie with Philip Seymour Hoffman though. And there are other trailers as well as that trailer, in this week’s TRAILERS!

Runner Runner

This is one of those trailers where the movie does not look that good, but I will almost definitely see it. Maybe I will just sneak into the theater half an hour after the movie starts? Because I don’t really want to watch Justin Timberlake writing math equations on the library window in grease pencil. Just get me to the island with the babes and the crocodiles. I do like the idea that the FBI only pursues people that they are jealous of. Is that true?!

A Most Wanted Man

John LeCare and Philip Seymour Hoffman yes please enough said throw this trailer away we aren’t going to need it just put the movie into my face thanks and close the door bye.

Getaway

First of all, perfect introduction. Thank you, foreign lady! Second of all, sure! Why not? Selena! Love her. Ethan Hawke not as much, but whatever, he’s just the driver. It’s a good thing his wife is beautiful! No one would care or help him or threaten him if she was plain, but everyone is like, oh, I totally understand why this is happening, because she is beautiful. If I were a criminal, though, and my criminal friend started plotting out one of these typically elaborate schemes that involved taking a non-criminal and giving them a set of challenges in order to steal the codes or whatever, I would just give my criminal friend that look and I would just be like, dude, if you spent half as much time on an actual plan as you are spending on this much more complicated plan that involves multiple third parties, we would have the codes by now!

Insidious Chapter 2

Haha, whatever Insidious 2. Despite what I said earlier today about not watching horror movies, I did see the first Insidious a couple of months ago because a friend was watching it and I was staying at his apartment so I didn’t have a choice. It was silly! It was not scary. This doesn’t look scary either, do you want to know why? I COULD GIVE A FFFFFFF ABOUT YOUR BABY, DUDE! It’s not my baby. It’s not even my friend’s baby. Good luck with your baby, but seriously not my problem.

The Family

Meet The Fockers + Red 2 + The Expendables + Man Of The House – Analyze This / ([Ronin + The Professional] x [In Bruges + Amelie]) = Eh, We’ll See But Probably Not?

The To Do List

Oh look, all of your old pals. In a movie!

Blue Jasmine

THE DICE MAN! MAKING COPIES! It is hard to tell whether this is one of Woody Allen’s comedies, or one of his Match Points, but who even knows with that guy anymore. When he has a new movie you just watch it and then go back to whatever you were doing. Yo, that one he just made in Italy was fucking terrible, though. It was like a bad Shouts and Murmers piece adapted for the screen. Oh well. This too shall pass. One Woody Allen movie at a time.