Did you see those paparazzi photos of Jaden Smith dressed in a K-Mart Iron Man costume to disguise himself while he took his girlfriend, Kylie Jenner, shopping? He’s 14 years old. Are we out to kill people now? I don’t know. Bieber is literally melting before our eyes. CAN HE LIVE? (A: Nah.) I’m not going on some screed here, it’s too late in the day, too deep into the week. I’m here to go on screeds and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of screeds. But, like, we should be more careful sometimes, I think. That’s all. Let’s just be more careful. This weekend, be careful. Sit back, relax, and be careful. Don’t go on the TMZ Tour of New York. If you eat pizza, which I highly recommend doing, don’t BE A LIAR about it afterwards. Just take it easy! Enjoy it! Statham is carrying you!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Happy Ben Affleck And His Honorary Doctorate Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choices.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5		Dr. Feelgood | May 29th	Score:25
		“But Lord,” the boy asked. “Why are there no footprints, where you and Jason walked?” The Lord replied, “That’s because, we we’re grinding down railings, on waiter trays, while shooting bad guys in the face.”
	Posted in: Stathamprints In The Sand

#4		ladyrainicorn | May 28th	Score:25
		Maybe he’s referring to his Etsy shop.
	Posted in: How Brad Pitt Stays Humble

#3		hotspur | May 30th	Score:26
		That way you have them.
	Posted in: What Is Patrick Stewart Even Talking About?

#2		catweazle | May 29th	Score:27
	Posted in: James Lipton Seems Like A Fun Person To Have Dinner With

#1		Superglue | May 30th	Score:36
		I always order 100 pizzas, so that way I have them.
	Posted in: What Is Patrick Stewart Even Talking About?

[Assoc. Ed. Note: I almost never get when people reference Arrested Development, but I am PRETTY SURE that is a new Arrested Development reference, right? Is that why everyone liked it?! GUYS?!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

	ptsmith_vt | May 24th	Score:-2
	While I appreciate the effort, I do not think that word means what you think it means: 1: to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down usually to cover something : cover or engulf completely with usually disastrous effect 2: to overcome in thought or feeling : overwhelm
Posted in: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

[Assoc. Ed. Note: This comment is fine! I mean, no one likes a definition police, but you at least didn’t say anything negative about Amy Poehler or whatever. Have a good weekend!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

		lilbobbytables | May 28th	Score:27
		Well, it looks like this picture is doctored
	Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t You Caption It? Contest: Happy Ben Affleck And His Honorary Doctorate

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, lilbobbytables! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

		old man fatima | May 30th	Score:15
		In defense of my captain, if you get proper European pizza, it doesn’t come sliced. It comes as a whole circle and you eat it with a fork and a knife. Which he seems to have been getting at with his “There’s no knife and fork” comment. Still, normal people have ALSO eaten American-style pizza, which comes sliced, to it’s still a trip.
	Posted in: What Is Patrick Stewart Even Talking About?

[Assoc. Ed. Note: This is a much better explanation than Patrick Stewart gave.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

		soldier_of_fortune_cookies | May 29th	Score:20
		Now I lay me down to sleep I pray to Statham my life to keep If I should die before I wake Statham didn’t do his job
	Posted in: Stathamprints In The Sand

[Ed. Note: Mostly I would just like to draw your attention back to Stathamprints in the Sand. But this is also a very good comment.]