I was at dinner with some friends last night, and we were literally just talking about iCals or whatever (my friends and I are fascinating conversationalists and you would be lucky to dine with us) when I said “that reminds me, and I am sorry to turn this into a bummer, but it reminds me of a detail from this fucking Cleveland kidnapping story.” And then I proceeded to talk about how crazy that story is for, like, 10 minutes. (See parenthetical statement above.) And I am sorry again, here and now, because normally I do not enjoy rubber-necking, but I have just been devouring all of the news articles about that thing because I cannot look away. Can you? How do you do it? The whole thing is just impossible to even wrap your mind around but I refuse to stop trying. But so here is what I suggest: read this week’s best comments, congratulate your friends, post a dancing GIF or whatever, and then let’s turn off the Internet for this weekend (and hopefully for the rest of our lives) and let’s hug our moms extra hard this Mother’s Day, and let’s enjoy ourselves this weekend as much as we can, and let’s stay safe, and let’s wear whatever boots we want. Deal?

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Jennifer Lawrence Met Gala Photobomb Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choices.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5		Frank Lloyd Wrong | May 8th	Score:30
		Seven months pregnant or not, that’s still a fucking ugly dress.
	Posted in: Robin Williams Disses Kim Kardashian On Twitter!!!!!!

#4		timmybear | May 9th	Score:32
		I had a Lunchable because being 27 can go straight to hell.
	Posted in: Farrah Abraham’s Entertainment Tonight Interview, OR What You’re Having For Lunch?

#3		father time | May 3rd	Score:34
		looks like kelly’s mr. manager now! #WEEKEEEEEEND
	Posted in: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Top Comments

#2		pickpocket | May 8th	Score:36
		She had originally planned to go with a different date, but he had to cancel to go yell at a pit.
	Posted in: Robin Williams Disses Kim Kardashian On Twitter!!!!!!

#1		HMS Goose | May 9th	Score:36
	Posted in: Farrah Abraham’s Entertainment Tonight Interview, OR What You’re Having For Lunch?

[Assoc. Ed. Note: I love that cartoon. Great work. And great work to the rest of you, but definitely not as great work as HMS Goose, because none of the rest of you drew a cartoon. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1		Chris Trash | May 3rd	Score:-10
		Oh man, this week. At least I’m going to have some of this tonight. You know what they say, if it Kwaks like a duck. http://i.imgur.com/8o10yTO.jpg WIsh you were beer, guys.
	Posted in: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Top Comments

[Assoc. Ed. Note: You guys and your big pictures of bottles.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

		lawblog | May 7th	Score:27
		“Ceci ne’st pas un photobomb” —Marion Cotillard
	Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Jennifer Lawrence Met Gala Photobomb

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, lawblog! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

		Kate | May 9th	Score:10
		Huh. I never heard that particular great-grandmother saying. My favorite quote of hers is a comment on being poor and married: “When the wolf is at the door, love flies out the window.” Also, “It’s just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man.” Somewhat jaded wisdom from one who survived (with 5 kids) through the Great Depression.
	Posted in: Here Are Some Afternoon Links!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Happy Mother’s Day to all the generations of mothers I am related to, and also to all of the mothers I am not!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

		Frank Lloyd Wrong | May 9th	Score:13
		I always find that Quentin Tortellini works well with Uma Thurmanicotti.
	Posted in: Quentin Tortellini

[Ed. Note: It’s not entirely that this is even the best comment this week, no offense Frank, but simply that Quentin Tortellini should have gotten a LOT more play than it did, and that is on you guys, but at least SOME OF US were paying attention and doing the work.]