“Well, let me start off by asking you this: What function does your girlfriend have, other than that of a human woman? None? None, right — she’s just a human? I don’t mean to come off as agressive right away, but I’m sure you can understand why I feel the need to be a bit protective about my situation. You see, while your girlfriend — sorry to make assumptions about your situation, but just for the sake of argument — while your girlfriend stands beside you on a cold winter’s day, shivering, maybe hinting that she’d like your scarf or your hat because she’s forgotten her own or thought she could forsake them for fashion, my girlfriend is a coat. Yes, she has all of the functions of a human woman (can hug you from behind and, if you have the headphones on, apologize for being late) and she is also a warm, timelessly-fashioned coat. Not so sure about your own human girlfriends now are you, gentlemen? Thinking about what life would be like if you were to step into my coat, for a change? Hah. I knew it. This is the way it goes every time I get the chance to explain.” – You

“It’s a pity that she has to be left in the closet for the warmer seasons, but she’s usually pretty understanding about it. Sometimes I take her out if the air conditioner was left on by accident. She’s great.” (Via DailyMail.)