Have you guys been following the Great Jay Leno Monologue NBC Joke Feud of 2013? God, I hope you haven’t been. One downfall of having a job for which you have to closely follow the goings-on in pop culture is that you have to know all about stupid garbage like this, garbage that is just so stupid and I hate it so much. Hahah. What’s a downfall about your job? Just kidding, THERE’S NO TIME! To catch you up quickly, because again I hope you have no idea of what I’m talking about: Jay Leno, upset that NBC is planning a future without him, made a series of jokes at their expense. NBC exec Robert Greenblatt emailed him to ask him 2plz stop and instead of stopping he just did it more, and all of the jokes are just so dumb. He stopped for a few days, but he’s started again? Ugh, WHAT EVEN EVER. From his monologue last night, via Splitsider:

“Folks, listen to this. Monday night, the primetime shows The Voice and Revolution moved NBC to the number two position. You know what that means? Between Easter and Passover, this is truly the season of miracles. We’re number two!”

“I’ve been saying for the last week that NBC is a big number two.”

“T-Mobile announced yesterday they are doing away with contracts. Apparently they got the idea from NBC.”

Hahahaha, “I’ve been saying for the last week that NBC is a big number two.” That one’s good, I like that one. Get ‘em, Jay. BUT CLEARLY Jay Leno needs some of our help in crafting some more quality zingers against NBC. And if we can’t help our good friend Jay Leno write zingers for some murky network feud that none of his viewers have any stake in, what good are we? LET’S GET TO WORK!

• I took a poop yesterday. Ah, I’m sorry, this is embarrassing — I mean, I took an NBC yesterday.
• Hey, does anyone have a magnifying glass? I want to see where NBC’s RATINGS are.
• Hey, you hear that some explorers found an empty tomb this week? Yeah, it was NBC’s head. No brain in there at all!
• Lots of people have been changing their Facebook profile photos to those Human Rights Campaign equal signs this week, in support of marriage equality. Yeah, yeah. It’s much nicer than the the negative sign NBC changed its ratings profile picture to.
• Lots of people are on unemployment these days. Does anyone know where you sign up for that? Just kidding, just kidding. But seriously. No, just kidding.

I love all of these jokes! Now it’s time to try your hand at some joke writing, if you want to !