BREAKING: A script from the upcoming season of Breaking Bad has been stolen from Bryan Cranston’s vehicle in Albuquerque, New Mexico. THIS IS NOT A TEST. Spoilers imminent. Cancel Internet service immediately. Turn off all mobile devices. Disconnect televisions and radios. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A TEST. If unable to quickly disconnect devices, please place a pillow directly over face and ears. Do not suffocate yourself. Keep calm. Keep pillow in place until September or so. THIS. IS NOT. A. TEST!!!! From KOAT:

As “Breaking Bad” comes close to wrapping its final season, court documents reveal one of the show’s top-secret scripts was stolen.

Lead actor Bryan Cranston reported someone broke his car window and took a shoulder bag which had his iPad and a copy of his “Breaking Bad” script on March 1, according to the criminal complaint.

Court documents reveal one of Cranston’s employees, Taryn Feingold, was contacted by a confidential informant. That informant detailed a local bar conversation, where a man was bragging about how he broke into a vehicle at the Sandia Crest, and had an iPad and script from the “Breaking Bad” series.

Xavier McAfee was arrested Saturday for the burglary, according to arrest records. The Bernalillo County Sheriff’s Office said the script hasn’t been recovered and the investigation is ongoing.

I REPEAT: THE SCRIPT HAS NOT BEEN RECOVERED. The information is out there. Do not go to bars. Do not overhear conversations. Quit any job you may have, if that job requires you to make copies of paper things or be around rooms in which copies of paper things are being made. This is because you do not want to run across a copy of the script, DO I HAVE TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU?! CLOSE YOUR EYES! EVERYWHERE IS THE DANGER. (Via TMZ.)