To tell you the truth, when I decided to pose this question — about who should play the beast in Disney’s upcoming 3D remake of Beauty and the Beast — I was under the impression that when Hugh Jackman let the actor in him take over during a production of Beauty and the Beast, he was playing the beast. “Hugh Jackman to reprise the role of a lifetime, no duh,” was going to be my answer. But apparently he was playing GASTON? Ugh. (According to Google.com, Gaston and The Beast are not the same person, FYI.) Now who’s going to play the beast?! From Deadline:

Disney is calling this film The Beast, and considering the subject matter of Trance [from The Beast screenwriter Joe Ahearne]– an art auctioneer is pummeled so badly by his criminal cohorts that a hypnotherapist is needed to coax out the memories of where he hid a priceless painting — indicates that this revisionist take on Beauty and the Beast could be a bit on the dark side.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX? Joaquin Phoenix in The Beast, directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. Belle is whoever the next Chloe Sevigny is. (Not Greta Gerwig, though.) (THAT’S MY ONE RULE!) (Not that she isn’t lovely.) Who else? Chris Eigeman? Haha. Chris Eigeman is THE BEAST. Directed by Whit Stillman. Vincent Gallo, very obviously? Directed by Vincent Gallo? Jesse Eisenberg directed by the other Duplass brother? Adam from Girls directed by Lena Dunham? All of my guesses/suggestions are on point! WHAT ARE YOURS?!