Sometimes you read about something and what you read is so convoluted and stupid and trivial it’s like, listen, I’m not going to be the only one who has to sit here and suffer through knowing about this garbage story. I REFUSE. If this has to take up space in my mind I’m bringing a few more people down with me, because this world is a vampire and Lord knows its not getting enough blood from just one blogger. So let me get you up to speed: Russel Brand is friends with someone who teaches Yoga named Tej, and Tej told him that she wanted to quit teaching Yoga at her particular studio (I KNOW. PLEASE STAY WITH ME.) but her studio wouldn’t let her out of her contract. And action. From ONTD:

So, last Tuesday, at the start of morning class, Brand decided to fight the power and stage a mass walk out. The source says that just as the students were getting situated on their mats, and fellow celeb Demi Moore was taking off her shoes and finding a spot on the floor [Ed Note: Yes, obviously.], Russell marched to the front of the class, with Tej standing next to him.

“Golden Bridge is not treating my friend in a respectful manner,” Russell charged. “After years of dutiful service, they refuse to let her out of her contract. If you’d like to continue to study with her, follow me!” An eyewitness says the crowd shifted nervously for a few seconds, wondering whether or not they were being Punk’d, but soon enough, at least half of the class, Demi Moore included, rolled up their mats and followed Russell right out the door!

NOW WE ARE IN THIS GARBAGE BAG TOGETHER! Ugh, it’s so smelly and so weird in here. “Follow me! Outside, I guess! To the parking lot? I don’t know!” “As you know, the #1 way to solve any problem with your employer is to have me come and stage a walkout. Employers are known to let employees out of their contracts if a B-level or higher celebrity comes to their place of employment and protests, though it would help if a struggling I guess A-level happened to be there as well. Cool?” That’s Russel explaining the plan to Tej. “Cool.” That’s Tej accepting it. “Thanks.” That’s you thanking me for this story. (If your wondering what the studio in question has to say about the whole matter, they say this: “Tej quit. She just upped and left. There wasn’t a contract problem though, she just quit.”) (So.) (YOU’RE WELCOME, GOODNIGHT!)