Over New Year’s, Demi Moore went to a retreat in Tulum, Mexico, which, incidentally, if you can ever go to Tulum, Mexico, you should definitely go to Tulum, Mexico, it’s the very best. I’m guessing. How would I know? Who has time to go to Tulum, Mexico, when there is so much blogging to be blogged?! Anyway: Demi Moore went to Tulum, and it sounds like everything went just great. So fun and healthy. I bet she was glowing when she got back from all of the SANITY. From Celebitchy:

Eyewitnesses added that the soon-to-be ex-wife of Kutcher was seen retreating to her room with younger men more than once; and that the resort fielded a call from a guest grousing that Demi’s “very, very loud sex” had been keeping them awake.

“Demi was clearly after younger men on this trip; they were all about 28 to 33,” a guest told Star. “There were three or four older guys staying at the resort, fifty-plus, and I don’t think she talked to them at all.”

Another source said that in an odd twist, Demi wanted to be addressed by the name “Topper,” an esoteric reference to a 1937 Cary Grant film in which a man lives his life to the fullest.

“Demi almost came across as, I wouldn’t go as far as to say bipolar, but up and down,” one source said, while another said that Demi’s “back-and-forth behavior just kind of killed the mood.”

HE WOULDN’T GO SO FAR AS TO SAY BIPOLAR. Phew. Close call. I also love the guest who made a careful count of how many fifty-plus men were staying at the resort and whether or not they were going into TOPPER’s bedroom. “Everyone stay calm, the age-obsessed Fuck Police are on the case.” Like I said: Tulum, Mexico. So fun. Everyone will be all up in your business and you will have your world ROCKED by a borderline-bipolar sex monster. You’re gonna love it!