I like New Girl. The other week I was watching an episode of New Girl and I thought to myself “Do you know why this show is good?” Because that is how I think, in didactic, self-reflective questions. “Yes,” I thought to myself in response, “because all of the people on this show seem like they’re genuinely good friends who like and appreciate each other.” That’s neat! Even if it’s just a combination of good writing and great acting, it’s a rare trick to pull off. So many casts on television, especially on sitcoms, have a certain chilliness to them, which often comes from the fact that it’s easier to write jokes about people making fun of each other than it is to make jokes about people enjoying each other’s company. But so yeah. And I’ve never been bothered by Zooey Deschanel’s overly precious, cute and quirky thing. QUITE THE OPPOSITE! I think she pulls it off, and she seems nice and fun. When people complain about it, I think they are just jealous, which is the type of argumentation that would usually drive me nuts because you are allowed to complain about anything and there is nothing more condescending than to dismiss someone’s entire thought process and emotional state than by casually tossing it off as base jealousy. Gross! But I do think people are jealous of Zooey Deschanel. (Admittedly, the Siri commercial was silly.) Jesus, Gabe, why don’t you just marry her already? OK FINE, I WILL USE MY GREAT GRANDMA’S RING TO PROPOSE BECAUSE SHE WILL LOVE THAT! The point is: Zooey Deschanel is a-OK in my book but also HAHAHAH, she does know that when you are shopping for ingredients for a recipe YOU DON’T NEED TO BRING THE WHOLE BOOK TO THE STORE, RIGHT? You can write the ingredients down on a piece of scrap paper! Or in Zooey’s case, on the foot of an old doll’s shoe! Or engraved on the inside of a locket! You can write the ingredients down in lemon juice and then go into the store and buy a candle and go into the back alley with the candle and reveal the list like you’re a spy sent to make a quiche in enemy territory! But you really don’t need to bring the whole book, Zooey. Just FYI. Lots more great tips like this from me to you when we are man and wife.

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Zoinks! (Zooey’s word.) Image via JustJared, no duh.