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Ted Danson! You're giving away all of our secrets! What a traitor! President Mystery, throw him in Guy Jail!
What is that book he's reading from, anyway? The Big Book Of Boringest Things You Can Think of to Say to Someone? "Are you tired? Because I'm attracted to you all day." That's page three of his book. Of course, things were simpler back then. It was easy to peacock by just sitting in an easy chair like a sissy about to enjoy a cup of tea and some neighborhood gossip. "Ooh, what's his story?" When you wanted to bounce a target out of a three-set to a second location, you just kino-escalated by pointing your laser tag gun at her chest plate and inviting her to buy you an ice cold Tab. Now, of course, you need a welder's mask and a shirt soaked in blood to even get a girl's attention. (Via EverythingIsTerrible, obviously.)
