Hmm. So, Faraday's mom has killed her own son before he could detonate a hydrogen bomb and make everything "right," but now Jack is convinced that it his density to finish what Faraday started. Kate is like "but if we've never met then I will never be able to endlessly tease you with the promise of a love I know I don't have to give," and Jack is like, "Michael J. Fox is disappearing from the photograph!" and Kate holds her phone up in front of the band at the Under the Sea dance and says "Chuck, you've got to hear this!" The magic of time travel suggests that if Jack merely murders everyone in a nuclear holocaust, then it will all just have been a dream*. That is when Baby Widmore pistol whips him in the face, beginning what will be the bloodiest faced episode in Lost history maybe even. Seriously, so many bloody faces!
Faraday's mom is like "let's go to the tunnels," and everyone is like "don't go to the tunnels," and she's like, "we have to go to the tunnels," so they go to the tunnels. Except for Kate. She is like "no way am I going to those tunnels," and Jack is like "Kate, what are you doing, if we go to the tunnels, we might be able to fix things," and Kate says, "Jack, you're on your own in those tunnels. I am going to get Sawyer to stop you because this love/power triangle ))><((." Then Sayid kills a dude and Jack says "Hi Sayid," and Sayid says "Hi," and Jack says "I'll understand if you don't want to come to the tunnels," and Sayid says "[swims to the tunnels]." So now they are in the tunnels, there is the hydrogen bomb. Fucking Egypt, what is this? Transformers 2? And everyone says "now what?"
MEANWHILE, back in the present, Locke finds Richard in the middle of shooting a Toad the Wet Sprocket video.
Locke is back in charge, so Richard has to do what he says, so first Locke tells him to put on all the eyeliner, then he tells him to follow him into the jungle and you're coming too, Ben, and Ben is being such a brat. He is literally poking at the sand with a stick, the way brats do. One of the most common brat activities. So they go into the jungle where they find Locke in the midst of his time jumps, and this is the moment we have already seen from much earlier in the season, when Richard magically walks out of the jungle and extracts a bullet from Locke's leg and gives Locke the compass that Locke will later give back to him and then tells him that he has to bring everyone back to the island and that he has to die.
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So, basically Locke just told himself how to do everything he needed to do to get right back to this moment. It's like jogging in sand, this plotline. Then he goes back to camp and gives everyone a pep talk about how it's time they all met Jacob. "Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't We Meet Jacob Like a Fucking Family." Richard doesn't like the sound of this, and Ben is like "that is why I tried to kill him." Tried? You did kill him. You brat.
Now Locke is leading everyone to meet the island's leader, and he tells Ben that when they get there he is going to kill Jacob. Huh? Where did that come from? I want to trust that that makes sense and will be explained, but the Lost creators have already established themselves as being somewhat less than trustworthy when it comes to knowing what the fuck they are talking about. I am willing to trust them, FOR NOW. But it's not like there's ever been a point ever while watching this show where I've thought "I wish someone would go find Jacob and kill him because that seems like an important and relevant thing to do that didn't come completely out of nowhere."
MEANWHILE, back at Dharma, the nerds are going crazy!
King Nerd says that he's in charge now and everyone is like "I guess he's in charge now, he just said so." Even Dr. Chang is like "huh, it really seemed like someone other than you was in charge, but you are yelling awfully loud about how you are in charge, so I guess you are in charge."
Blah blah, evacuate the women and children just in case time travel is real, draw a map to the hostiles in exchange for going away, Sawyer and Juliette are on the sub going back to 1970s USA where they will Back to the Future 2 themselves into Biff like wealth, but uh oh here is Kate, and when Kate is around you know that it means only one thing:
So, I don't know, you guys. This has been a really great season, and I am sure that next week's cliffhanger season finale will leave us all wanting moooooore, but I can't help but feel a little let down that it was all leading up to...this. Another Jack-Kate-Sawyer-Juliette love-quadrangle. Chekov's hydrogen bomb on the stage. And this whole killing Jacob thing is just one big Wha? Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my mind is about to be blown, Fatman style.
Next week:*This is the first time, well maybe last week was the first time, but this is the first time that just completely ERASING everything that has happened on this show and making it so that it all never happened (i.e. was just a dream basically) has been raised as a serious contender for a conclusion, and I cannot tell you how disappointing that would be. Wait, yes I can: VERY disappointing. And the worst part is how easy it is to imagine the series finale being all of them on Oceanic Flight 815 saying "excuse me," "pardon me," "good day to you, sir" because of how bing bong they don't know each other and oh, look, there's Michelle Rodriguez and Mr. Ecko! Ugh. Fingers crozzed that this is not what happens.
