Are you excited? After all these weeks of short-lived yet monogamous flings with jagoffs like the Creepy Dutch Pedophile Singer, the Fat Guy Who Licks Things, and even that brief-yet-emotionally-devastating romance with The Peyote Nerd (most of which, mercifully, you don't remember), you've finally found someone to hold your hand through life (for now), and it's none other than world ...