Three years ago, an Alberta dentist named Michael Zuk paid $33,000 for one of John Lennon’s teeth at an auction. (Lennon had given the tooth, as a gift, to a housekeeper of his, which seems like a weird thing to do.) As The Daily Mail reports, Zuk’s plans for the tooth are basically a ludicrous comic book plot: He hopes to use the tooth to sequence Lennon’s DNA, and then to use that DNA to make a clone of Lennon, which he would then raise as his son: “He could be looked at as my son but I don’t think I would be the one, you know, owning his property, he would have the rights when he was old enough to make a claim.”

Talking about how he would raise Clone Lennon, Zuk says, “He would still be his exact duplicate but you know, hopefully keep him away from drugs and cigarettes, that kind of thing… But you know, guitar lessons wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?” Right. None of this could ever hurt anyone.

Just to make this all a whole lot creepier, Zuk says that his “goal is to own John Lennon’s DNA,” a piece of “genetic real estate” that he thinks is “worth millions.” He also says that, hypothetically, he’d be willing to clone Lennon more than once, and he says that, once the technology gets there, scientists will inevitably close famous humans like “JFK, Martin Luther King, Marilyn.” We could be looking at the weirdest Jurassic Park sequel imaginable here.

People of Alberta! This is definitely the guy you want looking after your teeth.