Guy Fieri is an incredibly successful garbage mouth with a dumpster body who wears wraparound sunglasses on the back of his grease-filled pufferfish head, has a problem with gay people, and a problem being around women without making lewd comments and staring at their boobs, which is all a long way of saying: Guy Fieri is the dream best friend. Oh the places we’d go! If we were friends! Probably a diner for two seconds, and then we’d slide on our greasy bellies to a cocaine strip club forever? I don’t know, but hedge-fund billionaire Steven A. Cohen does! From Page Six:

Embattled hedge-fund billionaire Steven A. Cohen, whose SAC Capital Advisors is charged with insider trading, paid spiky-haired chef Guy Fieri $100,000 “to be his friend for a day,” a new book reveals.

Cohen paid Fieri to drive around Connecticut with him to reenact a fantasy episode of “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” reveals Allen Salkin in his book, “From Scratch: Inside the Food Network.”

But after “Cohen paid Guy Fieri $100,000 to be his friend for a day,” Salkin writes the odd couple became so close that the chef’s top-rated show even featured Cohen’s favorite hot-dog spot, the (perhaps appropriately titled) Super Duper Weenie.

What does “to reenact a fantasy episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” even mean, do you think? Did they reenact an episode that aired that became Steven A. Cohen’s fantasy, or did they just drive around to Steven A. Cohen’s favorite spots and pretend they were filming an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, because that was his fantasy? “I just wanted so bad to see Guy Fieri shove this specific food into his face. I mean– I REALLY wanted it. This is my fantasy. I love my friend.” Cool fantasy! Cool friend! Glad you’re friends now! I’m sure you’re both perfect!! (Thanks for the tip, badideajeans!)