Oh, brother. It’s the Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week” again. I’m not entirely sure, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel like we’ve turned a corner on “Shark Week” where now dissenters and people who are upset and the people who act like they’re all about “Shark Week” outnumber those who are actually excited about “Shark Week.” Right? At least on the Internet? (I do not have any understanding of how anything is off of the Internet. Do people spend their time making Breaking Bad supercuts out there, too?) In any case: I DO NOT LIKE IT. It reminds me of Italian ice, except worse. (Which you do have to be in my head to understand, but what I mean is that it is a thing that people go apeshit about that they FOR SURE mustn’t like nearly as much as they’re putting on.) (Right?) (Wait, am I the crazy one?!) Even if you are a fan of “Shark Week,” though, there must be a few more kinds of weeks that almost rhyme with “Shark” that you would be more psyched about! Huh? Let’s try it out, I’ll go first!

• Clark (Duke) Week
• Check Mark Week*
• Amusement Park Week
• Disembark Week**
• Nicolas Spark(s) Week***
• Lark Week
• Embark Week**

*Week where you accomplish a lot of things on your to-do list.
**Week where you go on a trip.
***Not this one, actually.