I cannot tell you how honored I am that Hollywood has decided to stop making movie trailers (and movies) in honor of my departure from Videogum. I didn’t ask for it, but I genuinely appreciate it! I know that this is going to make Kelly’s job harder, but we all have to overcome difficulties in our lives, and if we’re lucky, one day an entire multi-billion dollar industry shuts down forever to honor the end of our era. So, please join me, won’t you, in watching the last movie trailers ever made in human herstory.

American Hustle

Uh, yes. What is there even to talk about? A David O’Russell movie about art forgery set in the 1970s starring all of our favorite pals? Yeah, no duh. Yup.

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

As you may know, I am a huge fan of the Jackass movies despite myself. When the first movie came out, on my 49th birthday, I really expected to hate it, but I didn’t hate it, I the opposite of hated it, and I’ve been a huge fan of their film work ever since. But I think I might hate this! The old man stuff in Jackass was never my favorite, but more importantly, I don’t really understand the point of making fun of a woman for telling Johnny Knoxville that this child should be taken away from him. If this were real, that child SHOULD be taken away from him, so what are we even making fun of here? I also just in general feel kind of weirded out by movies/TV/etc that exploit children, even if the child had fun and that child’s parent signed a release. There are just so many ways for art to go, maybe that doesn’t have to be one of them? Of course, if herstory teaches us anything it is that this will turn out to be my favorite movie of all time and I will insist that it belongs on a wall in a museum. So.

Lone Survivor

Ugh. We are all indebted to Peter Berg for the rest of our lives for giving us Tim Riggins. And I am a fan of every single actor in this trailer. And I can appreciate a well done war movie. But this looks like a straight up recruitment video? What is the marketing hash tag for this movie? #JINGOISM? I don’t know, man.

Haunter

Sisterhood of the Traveling Nightmare Necklace! I definitely think it is weird that this is the first horror movie in awhile to feature a grumpy goth teen. Shouldn’t all horror movies feature grumpy goth teens? Yes. All horror movies should feature grumpy goth teens.

Bad Milo

Haha. That is my review of this trailer: “haha.”

And scene.